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  1. #1
    Senior Member Archie Moses's Avatar
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    The Official Save me From Death Thread

    So, I usually never get sick. In fact, I don't think I've had a cold in 10 years. Right now, I feel like death. I've had a temp of 101.5 for two days, I've got chills, sweating like Corbin in a suit, eyes and ears and head hurts. If feels like I have so much mucus in my longues that I could vomit swamp thing, my body aches and my back feels like I had standup shower sex with RoseAnne last night, my nose is leaking and I have no energy to go anywhere. Plus, I'm strap for cash so I can't go to the doc. Plus, my ex is pissed at me cause I told her I couldn't take my son tonight. Wtf?!?

    Any amazing remedies? Anyone wanna take care of me?

    I wrote all this on my phone with 1 eye closed so it there are grammatical errors, go beat yourself.
    http://jazzfanz.com/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=3&dateline=1372802642

  2. #2
    Super Clutch Gameface's Avatar
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    Okay, this is good for a little temporary relief. Get in the shower and get it nice and warm, hot even. Take your normal shower, which feels good when your sick anyway. Rubbing one out never hurt, either. Before you get out of the shower crank the knob to cold, not lukewarm, COLD. Stand in that for as long as you can handle. Make sure to soak your head with the cold water. Now get out of the shower and dry off. You'll feel very awake with a clear head and have a lot of energy. It's not going to last very long, maybe 45min-1hr so I guess it's up to you if it's worth it.

  3. #3
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    Your ex sounds like a winner.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Zulu's Avatar
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    Sounds like you got SARS.....



    Eat some hot peppers ..
    Lemon honey in hot water..
    Enima

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archie Moses View Post
    So, I usually never get sick. In fact, I don't think I've had a cold in 10 years. Right now, I feel like death. I've had a temp of 101.5 for two days, I've got chills, sweating like Corbin in a suit, eyes and ears and head hurts. If feels like I have so much mucus in my longues that I could vomit swamp thing, my body aches and my back feels like I had standup shower sex with RoseAnne last night, my nose is leaking and I have no energy to go anywhere. Plus, I'm strap for cash so I can't go to the doc. Plus, my ex is pissed at me cause I told her I couldn't take my son tonight. Wtf?!?

    Any amazing remedies? Anyone wanna take care of me?

    I wrote all this on my phone with 1 eye closed so it there are grammatical errors, go beat yourself.
    How're your dumps, dude?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Archie Moses's Avatar
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    Normal poop, guys.
    http://jazzfanz.com/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=3&dateline=1372802642

  7. #7
    Senior Member Cy's Avatar
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    Sleep a ton, eat tomato soup, drink tea.
    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Bagadonuts View Post
    I'm the site's biggest moron.

  8. #8
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    Garlic.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Beantown's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archie Moses View Post
    So, I usually never get sick. In fact, I don't think I've had a cold in 10 years. Right now, I feel like death. I've had a temp of 101.5 for two days, I've got chills, sweating like Corbin in a suit, eyes and ears and head hurts. If feels like I have so much mucus in my longues that I could vomit swamp thing, my body aches and my back feels like I had standup shower sex with RoseAnne last night, my nose is leaking and I have no energy to go anywhere. Plus, I'm strap for cash so I can't go to the doc. Plus, my ex is pissed at me cause I told her I couldn't take my son tonight. Wtf?!? Any amazing remedies? Anyone wanna take care of me?

    I wrote all this on my phone with 1 eye closed so it there are grammatical errors, go beat yourself.

    WTF when did you get divorced? Sorry to hear that.

    My advice is a **** load of Advil Cold and Sinus, Mucinex and then sitting in a steam room for 30 min a day.
    GVC'S thoughts on the Jazz drafting Hayward......

    Quote Originally Posted by GVC View Post
    Why not just buy a late 1st and draft Luke Babbitt? Better Body, better basketball skills, better athleticism...

  10. #10
    Senior Member Red Jazz Fan's Avatar
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    You procreated? I'm sorry, I'm an ass!
    Sleep is the best remedy!

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  12. #11
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    echinecea, lots of fluids (water and oj), folic acid, chicken noodle soup/tomato soup

  13. #12
    In pursuit of #9 Dr. Jones's Avatar
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    You pansies. Whisky and skanks.
    Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

  14. #13
    Senior Member Cy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PKM View Post
    You pansies. Whisky and skanks.
    To stop the sick, one must get a hoe on the dick.
    Quote Originally Posted by Joe Bagadonuts View Post
    I'm the site's biggest moron.

  15. #14
    Senior Member UGLI baby's Avatar
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    My ho's R sick.
    #BringBackUGLI

  16. #15
    In pursuit of #9 Dr. Jones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UGLI baby View Post
    My ho's R sick.
    Headaches?
    Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

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