cheating...

[One Brow]

I know it's an incredibly simplistic view, but either commit to the relationship, or don't be in it.

Monogamy and commitment are different things entirely.

[One Brow]

An even more pathetic response. Let me tell you something. "Every ****ing day, someone, somewhere makes a conscious decision to destroy someone else."

So, your logic is that sometimes A happens, so not-A can never obtain? You think that makes me pathetic?

[jazz_fanatic]

There's no excuse for cheating. If I was ever cheated on, it would be a no brainer to me what to do. I believe too much in a thing calledy loyalty. Cheaters believe in a thing called, "I don't care if I **** up my reputation of a human being and my partner's life."

No brainer for me as well.

Relationships are messy and usually end up in heartbreak, so take my advice and do what I do -- stay single forever. I can't tell if I'm being serious or not.

[Revolution 9]

Was the guy she cheated on you with asian?

[Hotttnickkk]

Was the guy she cheated on you with asian?

LoL.. I think I'm too dumb to see the logic behind this question...

[PKM]

LoL.. I think I'm too naive to see the logic behind this question...

Fixed ... and that's a good thing.

[Catchall]

I'm late to this discussion and probably have little to contribute. I guess the questions I would have if I were in your shoes would be---

a) How old was she when she cheated on you, what were those circumstances? Did she directly break a promise to you? Does she understand she hurt you, and is she sincerely sorry?

b) What was/were the underlying reason(s) she cheated on you (if you can figure this out)? Is this rectified? Are you a good match for each other, or can/should you do better?

Given that she's stayed with you for the past few years, it seems like she really values the relationship, and you should figure out for what reasons she values the relationship and/or what's lacking in it? Do you have real trust now? Is your current relationship just superficial?

I don't think there is a cut-and-dried answer here, and I think you need to try to look below the surface. If you can both come through this as better people, that's positive, whether you stay together or not.

[Beantown]

I think the lying is much worse then the cheating. I could never trust her again if I was in your shoes.

[Scat]

Knowing that it was a one night stand based on poor judgement or raging hormones would be better than knowing she carried on with them for several weeks or months on numerous occasions. The first is just physical. The second is emotional and has greater ramifications.

[moevillini]

Knowing that it was a one night stand based on poor judgement or raging hormones would be better than knowing she carried on with them for several weeks or months on numerous occasions. The first is just physical. The second is emotional and has greater ramifications.

not necessarily true at all - why should raging hormones have to stop raging after just one time? Sometimes the hormones can rage for months without it ever becoming emotional, don't you think? Sometimes they'll rage even more after the first time or two, but it never really becomes anything more than that.

[PKM]

not necessarily true at all - why should raging hormones have to stop raging after just one time? Sometimes the hormones can rage for months without it ever becoming emotional, don't you think? Sometimes they'll rage even more after the first time or two, but it never really becomes anything more than that.

^^^ I am living proof.

[Hotttnickkk]

^^^ I am living proof.

It's at this point that I realised that this thread had run it's course.

[PKM]

It's at this point that I realised that this thread had run it's course.

It had.

[moevillini]

^^^ I am living proof.

so you're the product of a one night stand eh? well thanks for sharing that

[Hartsock]

One-night stands don't require being drunk. Especially when you are young and the hormones are flowing strongly, sometimes you just get caught up in them.

Not when you are married. If you are married you have to put yourself in a bad situation in order for this to happen. You have to kind of want it to happen, if that makes any sense. Its not like you are walking down the street and some random dick penetrates you without to your total surprise. You have to put yourself in a situation that a married person souldnt be in.