I started taking kratom for chronic pain and as an alternative to taking prescription pain medications about 5 years ago. I was blinded by the thought that it was a natural and safe way to treat pain. I got addicted to it and was taking it about 6 times a day, every day. At first it helped with pain and anxiety, but once you're dependent on it, you take it to not feel withdrawals and to be functional. It makes your mind cloudy, memory bad, hair thin, and life controlled by it. I woke up every night, save a handful of times, for 5 years to take it when I'd wake up around 3 AM. When I had my surgeries, it makes opioids not work at all pretty much, so I just had deal with the pain. Didn't tell the doctors because they don't know about it or understand it. I would even take it before my surgeries when I was supposed to be fasting because I knew I'd wake up with withdrawals. It's expensive and I travel a lot for work so I always had to plan my life around it and when I was going to take it next. TSA would always pull the powder from my bags and test it for something illegal. I highly suggest never taking that stuff for pain relief, especially if you have chronic pain or an addictive personality.
The good news is I'm 4 months off it. I got help to do it and found a great place that has a great group of doctors that help with addiction. I had to take two suboxone strips a day for a few months, but without that, it would have been near damn impossible to function for work, get out of bed, be motivated, and be a normal human being.
On top of that, I was self medicating with alcohol too. I was trying to check out of life, stress, anxiety, depression, pain, and guilt. I didn't know hope to cope with all of the traumas that happened over the course of a few years. I never drank every day and could go for weeks without it, but when I did, it was to cope and checkout. I would binge drink and at its worse, I was doing 2 to 4 day benders. It got bad. It made everything worse. I almost died. Luckily, I had a friend who went through the same thing and got me the same help he did. Probably saved my life.
I'm 4 months sober today. I'm so proud of myself for the changes I've made putting work into becoming a better person and learning how to cope.
There's help out there, I just never knew what it was, how to ask for it, and it's OK to need it. There's lots of people who struggle and just don't know what to do. I'm more than happy to help anyone struggling with addiction who wants help.
Not at all saying pain medication is bad if you take it and I know those of you that do understand the struggles with becoming dependent on it while taking it for pain. Chronic pain changes lives and people don't understand not only the physical but the mental challenges it suffocates you with.
