Page 7 of 12 FirstFirst ... 56789 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 70 of 118
  1. #61
    Senior Member UGLI baby's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    гег
    Posts
    33,145
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    52854
    Rep Adjustment Power
    100
    Quote Originally Posted by Scat View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Never late? What if the power goes out and he misses his wake up call?

    I'm not buying it. Too many variables and for that reason, I'm out.
    Make jazzfanz UGLI Again

  2. # ADS
    Circuit advertisement
    Join Date
    Always
    Location
    Advertising world
    Posts
    Many
     

  3. #62
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    3,240
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    3775
    Rep Adjustment Power
    0
    Sign me up, I'd let some one piss on me once a day for an annual salary of $111,600 a year. I'm a pretty light sleeper so I would wake up quick hop in the shower and carry on with my day.

  4. #63
    Senior Member Zulu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    The STG
    Posts
    10,260
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    28755
    Rep Adjustment Power
    100
    Quote Originally Posted by kennykyle View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Sign me up, I'd let some one piss on me once a day for an annual salary of $111,600 a year. I'm a pretty light sleeper so I would wake up quick hop in the shower and carry on with my day.
    UR-IN-e for a good time!!

  5. #64
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    ban tower
    Posts
    4,374
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    0
    Rep Adjustment Power
    0
    bros. close ur eyes. imagine this scenario.

    It begins one night when you're drifting off to sleep, thinking about the morning and the man pissing in your face that comes with it. "What do they do with my old sheets and pillow and mattress while I'm in the shower?" you think. "After all, it's my property." And so, an idea.

    You start small. You buy two more pillows and another set of sheets. And in the morning, after you have been awoken by the man pissing on your face but before you go into the shower, you turn to him and say "Put the old stuff in the corner there. I want to keep it."

    After all, it was brand-new. What's a little piss on the sheets? Children piss the bed all the time. There's an entire industry devoted to cleaning piss out of the sheets. You throw the old sheets into the wash, fold them up, and begin to make a stockpile.


    A year later, you've got a good inventory and with the $100k you've been paid, you open your first store selling bedsheets, pillows and pillowcases, and mattresses. All just like new, all far cheaper than any other store could ever afford.

    Soon you open a second and a third store. Your bed is unrecognizable beneath all the sheet sets and pillows stuffed on top of it. With the launch of your tenth store, demand begins to outstrip the physical constraints of your bed. So you have a special bed be build, a box spring the size of a football field and covered in mattresses. Linens n' Things goes bankrupt. Bed Bath and Beyond crumbles. The $300 a day you get from the man pissing on you is a pittance now. You make more in the time it takes him to unzip his fly.
    Then you get a call.

    "I understand you have been taking certain liberties with our agreement," the voice at the other end of the line says. "Ones that I have been willing to overlook until now. But starting today, I will only replace what has a reasonable chance of being pissed on. No more warehouses of sheets and pillows being turned over that never even got a whiff of piss. Only what is needed."

    Business begins to turn south. You have generous inventories in warehouses scattered worldwide by now, but the pipeline is drying up. Prices begin to rise and the population, weaned on cheap bedsheets and pillows, begins to look elsewhere. Until a night, when you lie on your monstrosity of a bed surrounded by stacks of Egyptian cotton, you have another idea.

    That morning, when you wake up to the man and his piss, you don't go to the shower. You don't get out of your bed at all. Instead, you take off running, bouncing across the mattresses, smearing your piss-soaked face on everything you can find. The man, after a moment of shock, dutifully follows, doing his best to aim for your face (and he will aim for your face) as you lead him in a giant circle through the warehouse. And with that, you're back in business.

    Years pass. You fall into a routine. Wake up, run through as much of your inventory as you can, and hop into a waiting bus to take a shower while you are driven to the next warehouse. You've mastered the art of power napping, after another call with your mysterious billionaire clarified that you needed to hit REM sleep in order for it to be considered "waking up." The linen industry is yours, after you lobbied to relax the regulations on monopolies. You branched out into other realms, using the profit from your bedsheet empire to bankroll them. Wal-Mart, Target, even K-Mart. They all have fallen.

    But your days are no longer your own. They are not even days anymore. They are hours in a bus, heading towards the next warehouse where a man will piss on your face and you will run through as many piles of sheets and pillows as you can. Perhaps that is why, after all of this, your mysterious billionaire has never tried to call off the deal.
    Amend it, yes, but never call it off.
    Perhaps you have given him exactly what he wanted to know.
    Likes Jazz Insider liked this post

  6. #65
    In pursuit of #9 Dr. Jones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    62,121
    Mentioned
    171 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    96720
    Rep Adjustment Power
    100
    TL;DR

    and you are disturbed, I'm certain.
    Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

  7. #66
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    ban tower
    Posts
    4,374
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    0
    Rep Adjustment Power
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by PKM View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    TL;DR

    and you are disturbed, I'm certain.
    arent we all, bro?

  8. #67
    In pursuit of #9 Dr. Jones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    62,121
    Mentioned
    171 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    96720
    Rep Adjustment Power
    100
    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenHarris View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    arent we all, bro?
    Some ^^^ more than others.
    Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

  9. #68
    Premium Member fishonjazz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    K-TOWN
    Posts
    43,094
    Mentioned
    126 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    94921
    Rep Adjustment Power
    100
    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenHarris View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    bros. close ur eyes. imagine this scenario.

    It begins one night when you're drifting off to sleep, thinking about the morning and the man pissing in your face that comes with it. "What do they do with my old sheets and pillow and mattress while I'm in the shower?" you think. "After all, it's my property." And so, an idea.

    You start small. You buy two more pillows and another set of sheets. And in the morning, after you have been awoken by the man pissing on your face but before you go into the shower, you turn to him and say "Put the old stuff in the corner there. I want to keep it."

    After all, it was brand-new. What's a little piss on the sheets? Children piss the bed all the time. There's an entire industry devoted to cleaning piss out of the sheets. You throw the old sheets into the wash, fold them up, and begin to make a stockpile.


    A year later, you've got a good inventory and with the $100k you've been paid, you open your first store selling bedsheets, pillows and pillowcases, and mattresses. All just like new, all far cheaper than any other store could ever afford.

    Soon you open a second and a third store. Your bed is unrecognizable beneath all the sheet sets and pillows stuffed on top of it. With the launch of your tenth store, demand begins to outstrip the physical constraints of your bed. So you have a special bed be build, a box spring the size of a football field and covered in mattresses. Linens n' Things goes bankrupt. Bed Bath and Beyond crumbles. The $300 a day you get from the man pissing on you is a pittance now. You make more in the time it takes him to unzip his fly.
    Then you get a call.

    "I understand you have been taking certain liberties with our agreement," the voice at the other end of the line says. "Ones that I have been willing to overlook until now. But starting today, I will only replace what has a reasonable chance of being pissed on. No more warehouses of sheets and pillows being turned over that never even got a whiff of piss. Only what is needed."

    Business begins to turn south. You have generous inventories in warehouses scattered worldwide by now, but the pipeline is drying up. Prices begin to rise and the population, weaned on cheap bedsheets and pillows, begins to look elsewhere. Until a night, when you lie on your monstrosity of a bed surrounded by stacks of Egyptian cotton, you have another idea.

    That morning, when you wake up to the man and his piss, you don't go to the shower. You don't get out of your bed at all. Instead, you take off running, bouncing across the mattresses, smearing your piss-soaked face on everything you can find. The man, after a moment of shock, dutifully follows, doing his best to aim for your face (and he will aim for your face) as you lead him in a giant circle through the warehouse. And with that, you're back in business.

    Years pass. You fall into a routine. Wake up, run through as much of your inventory as you can, and hop into a waiting bus to take a shower while you are driven to the next warehouse. You've mastered the art of power napping, after another call with your mysterious billionaire clarified that you needed to hit REM sleep in order for it to be considered "waking up." The linen industry is yours, after you lobbied to relax the regulations on monopolies. You branched out into other realms, using the profit from your bedsheet empire to bankroll them. Wal-Mart, Target, even K-Mart. They all have fallen.

    But your days are no longer your own. They are not even days anymore. They are hours in a bus, heading towards the next warehouse where a man will piss on your face and you will run through as many piles of sheets and pillows as you can. Perhaps that is why, after all of this, your mysterious billionaire has never tried to call off the deal.
    Amend it, yes, but never call it off.
    Perhaps you have given him exactly what he wanted to know.

    Hilarious
    And since i have my rep powers back now.... repped.

  10. #69
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Tabor Heights
    Posts
    12,425
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    4891
    Rep Adjustment Power
    0
    Watch S.mouse's Poo On You. Same sort of thing.

  11. #70
    Senior Member Saint Cy of JFC's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    69,661
    Mentioned
    85 Post(s)
    Total Rep Points
    58748
    Rep Adjustment Power
    100
    Is the pee'r a dude or chick? Do we get to choose? Would it matter to anyone?
    Shovel your way out of the s***

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
About Us
We are a community of Utah JazzFanz that are passionate about our team. We celebrate the highs that come with last second heroics and (some of us) cry in defeat. Welcome to our community. Be respectful of others and join in to the conversation...
Join us