Stifle Tower
Punch Bowl Re-Filler
Unconfirmed sources report that Utah is pulling out all the stops in their pursuit of former Jazzman Andrei Kirilenko. While they may not be able to match what Minnesota can offer financially, the Jazz believe they have a more complete package to entice AK, and more importantly, his chief financial advisor and apologist, Masha Kirilenko.
Recently acquired PG Mo Williams and AK reportedly grew quite close during Williams’ lone year in Utah. Mo credits his work with AK as the primary reason behind his stellar 38% shooting on FG’s and 26% on 3-PTFG’s. After some initial confusion (AK allegedly cursed loudly in Russian and hung up the phone when informed “Williams” was calling), Mo was able to explain it was his old comrade on the hot line, not the ball-hogging Deron, and the two shared a hearty laugh. Mo assured AK he’d give him plenty of touches in the revamped Jazz offense, especially given that the Jazz now have excellent rebounders in place who make a living putting back wildly errant shot attempts.
Also calling AK was the internationally renowned StarCraft gamer, Gordon Hayward. Though both share the same position – and a love of video games – AK prefers World of Warcraft. Hayward assured AK there would be no conflict on or off the court and even told AK he wants to see his cool back tattoo. When asked to confirm the conversation, Gordon giggled and said there was no chance he’d ever have enough courage to get a tattoo (and his mom would kill him if he did).
A surprise visitor to the Jazz offices a few days ago was this woman, featured recently in a concert performance in Salt Lake and a popular calendar model. She denies reports the Jazz have asked her the "million dollar question:" namely, will she be AK’s “free pass” this year for a cool seven figures.
As for Masha, the Gateway Center has already stepped forward and waived rental fees for one year if Masha brings back her popular Fleur de Lis boutique. Mayor Ralph Becker is claiming this is a big victory for Obama’s “Putting Americans Back to Work” program as the store is projected to hire three previously unemployed workers AND add $5,000 in sales tax revenue to thecity’s coffers.
[video]https://www.myspace.com/video/masha-kirilenko-39-s-boutique-fleur-de-lis/fleur-de-lis-commercial/48261756
Masha is a multi-talented woman and the Jazz have reportedly enlisted the famous Osmond family to help her revive her singing career. Merrill Osmond, creator of the annual "Stadium of Fire" event is currently working on a English translation and video ideas for her hit song, “Sugary,” while Donny and Marie are revamping the Beatles’ hit “Back in the USSR” to an updated, hip-hop version titled: “Back with the Utah Jazz.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRfUXYwloIU
When asked to confirm the Jazz were in negotiations with AK and his agent, Utah GM, Kevin O’Connor, replied: “We always look to improve the team. Just because we're quiet doesn't mean we're not working. We're talking to a lot of people about a lot of things." Pressed for specifics, Mr. O’Connor abruptly ended the conversation with a “No Comment.”
Recently acquired PG Mo Williams and AK reportedly grew quite close during Williams’ lone year in Utah. Mo credits his work with AK as the primary reason behind his stellar 38% shooting on FG’s and 26% on 3-PTFG’s. After some initial confusion (AK allegedly cursed loudly in Russian and hung up the phone when informed “Williams” was calling), Mo was able to explain it was his old comrade on the hot line, not the ball-hogging Deron, and the two shared a hearty laugh. Mo assured AK he’d give him plenty of touches in the revamped Jazz offense, especially given that the Jazz now have excellent rebounders in place who make a living putting back wildly errant shot attempts.
Also calling AK was the internationally renowned StarCraft gamer, Gordon Hayward. Though both share the same position – and a love of video games – AK prefers World of Warcraft. Hayward assured AK there would be no conflict on or off the court and even told AK he wants to see his cool back tattoo. When asked to confirm the conversation, Gordon giggled and said there was no chance he’d ever have enough courage to get a tattoo (and his mom would kill him if he did).
A surprise visitor to the Jazz offices a few days ago was this woman, featured recently in a concert performance in Salt Lake and a popular calendar model. She denies reports the Jazz have asked her the "million dollar question:" namely, will she be AK’s “free pass” this year for a cool seven figures.
As for Masha, the Gateway Center has already stepped forward and waived rental fees for one year if Masha brings back her popular Fleur de Lis boutique. Mayor Ralph Becker is claiming this is a big victory for Obama’s “Putting Americans Back to Work” program as the store is projected to hire three previously unemployed workers AND add $5,000 in sales tax revenue to thecity’s coffers.
[video]https://www.myspace.com/video/masha-kirilenko-39-s-boutique-fleur-de-lis/fleur-de-lis-commercial/48261756
Masha is a multi-talented woman and the Jazz have reportedly enlisted the famous Osmond family to help her revive her singing career. Merrill Osmond, creator of the annual "Stadium of Fire" event is currently working on a English translation and video ideas for her hit song, “Sugary,” while Donny and Marie are revamping the Beatles’ hit “Back in the USSR” to an updated, hip-hop version titled: “Back with the Utah Jazz.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRfUXYwloIU
When asked to confirm the Jazz were in negotiations with AK and his agent, Utah GM, Kevin O’Connor, replied: “We always look to improve the team. Just because we're quiet doesn't mean we're not working. We're talking to a lot of people about a lot of things." Pressed for specifics, Mr. O’Connor abruptly ended the conversation with a “No Comment.”
