Finances and marriage........

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Duck Rodgers, Jan 8, 2013.

  1. Duck Rodgers

    Duck Rodgers Well-Known Member

    6,563
    450
    83
    May 26, 2010
    How do you married guys play it? Just one bank account free for all that both of you can take whatever out of whenever? Budgets? Multiple accounts? Only care when the purchase is over a certain amount? Hide and seek?
     
  2. UGLI baby

    UGLI baby Well-Known Member

    33,145
    1,726
    113
    May 26, 2010
    My wife just gives me a cash allowance everyday.

    I can usaully get all the beer, and candy and stuff I need with it, and if I save for a few days can go to a Jazz game or out to a bar with the boys.

    Works for her, works for me. We're happy.
     
  3. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

    62,127
    2,895
    148
    Jun 23, 2010
    I will buy my wife anything she wants/needs, but she is beyond awful with money and has no access to bank accounts (not on them). No longer carries a credit card, debit card, check book, etc. She's not materialistic, just unconscious. She doesn't mind just being given cash at the beginning of each week, not accountable for what she does with it, and giving me some sanity..

    I am NOT a control freak, it was just so ridiculous that I stopped it and she didn't mind, at all.. works for us.
     
  4. Stoked

    Stoked Modstapo Staff Member

    34,185
    1,595
    148
    Dec 13, 2011

    That right there is an example of what I am thinking. Every couple is different. The above would not work for me. My wife is an office manager and she handles bank accounts with very large sums of money so managing finances is right up her alley. So we have two accounts that she controls. One that are checks go into and one is a savings/backup account for rainny days.
     
  5. Duck Rodgers

    Duck Rodgers Well-Known Member

    6,563
    450
    83
    May 26, 2010
    Did she bring a debt pile into the marriage? My brother's wife sounds similar and traveled on credit cards, had exorbitant students loans considering the school she went to, didn't work while she was just playing around. I don't have a concrete number, but I'm pretty sure she was at least $80,000 or so in debt when they got hitched and didn't have much to show for it. That would be a huge red flag to me.
     
  6. Duck Rodgers

    Duck Rodgers Well-Known Member

    6,563
    450
    83
    May 26, 2010
    How do you get money then? Just go through her?
     
  7. Gameface

    Gameface Fire Controlman

    17,662
    1,689
    113
    May 25, 2010
    Right? Am I going to need my hookers to start giving me receipts?
     
  8. Stoked

    Stoked Modstapo Staff Member

    34,185
    1,595
    148
    Dec 13, 2011

    We both have cards. I am ok to spend on lunches, or sodas at the gas station, etc..., but I review any big purchases with her before.
     
  9. HeavenHarris

    HeavenHarris Banned

    4,374
    296
    83
    Jun 20, 2011
    if both partners earn a living, how do you guys divvy up the monies?
    each keep their own earned, each keeps a %--rest goes to joint account, savings etc, or each keeps a set amount, etc.?
     
  10. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

    62,127
    2,895
    148
    Jun 23, 2010
    No, no debt ..

    I would go to work, come home, she asks how was your day .. I'm like how was yours .. she would swear she didn't really do anything .. meanwhile, she is using a cc or debit card over 300 times per month. She would swear it wasn't her .. every month. She's beautiful, she's caring, a great person, but a complete retard with money.

    More than anything I just didn't want all the stupid crap piling up around the house ... she laughs about it now. It's been 10 years that she's on a cash program.

    This may seem unbelievable, but she's just that bad with money.

    She also doesn't ask anything about money. If I said I bought us a new house today, she wouldn't be the list bit offended she didn't get to help choose (though I wouldn't do it that way). I bought her a car and surprised her .. she loved it, I came home with me a new car .. no questioning, at all.

    I know it's strange, but she trusts me to handle the money and she doesn't go without, so it's a good compromise.

    (she has never worked ... other than Hooters)
     
  11. HeavenHarris

    HeavenHarris Banned

    4,374
    296
    83
    Jun 20, 2011
    pkm keeps the pimp hand strong
     
  12. Duck Rodgers

    Duck Rodgers Well-Known Member

    6,563
    450
    83
    May 26, 2010
    So how long do you think it took to realize she might not be a wizard with money?

    See, that's an interesting angle too. Like you want to enter a marriage in as full disclosure as you can and everything but at the same time you want to find out the negative things that never came up pre-marriage asap so you can adjust. Because when you're dating and footing the bill for most everything it's hard to tell what they will do when they have access to money that they can just freely spend. I don't know how you would get a good sense of it otherwise unless it's just something that she freely admits to or if you're seeing bills everywhere or something. Maybe the old - "If she's carrying around a Frauda bag instead of a Prada bag, she's a keeper." - rule best applies here. Maybe just "forget" to bring up whichever account has most of your pre-marriage assets for a few months until you see what she does with the standard bank account or whatever.
     
  13. Cope

    Cope Well-Known Member

    1,972
    109
    63
    Apr 25, 2011
    We have a bill account that I deposit X amount into each check. She also deposits X, lesser amount, each month. We have a shared account with checking, money market, and savings. Both have debit cards or that account. Have a shared CC account we use for miles and pay off monthly. I use it for my work travel and gas, groceries, etc.

    It helps that my wife is at a job that she gets cash tips (not what you think) and I'm sure she spend a bit more that I know of but she is good about asking me and being cost sensitive. Money isn't an issue in our marriage as we both work and combined make 160k or so.
     
  14. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

    62,127
    2,895
    148
    Jun 23, 2010
    @Duck

    I was plenty financially successful by the time I first met my wife at 26yrs old. Had lived much more than most by 50 .. I knew what I wanted, had dated plenty, and for me, I wanted someone just like my wife. She's smart, but happy just being freely happy-go-lucky ... she's beautiful and likes nice things, but wouldn't know the difference between frauda and prada..

    She loves going and seeing the world, but happy wherever we live.

    That's what I wanted.. someone that was open to living life, okay with going rather than growing roots .. I get all ways, but my way is DOING, GOING, and living ..

    To answer your earlier question, It took me about 9 seconds to realize she's bad with money .. I was okay with that. It was much better, for me, than finding someone great with money, but a stick in the mud .. or overly pretentious.
     
  15. Duck Rodgers

    Duck Rodgers Well-Known Member

    6,563
    450
    83
    May 26, 2010
    Right on. That's exactly the environment I would want to foster. I'm not expecting to marry the illegitimate bassturd daughter of Warren Buffet or something that understands the perfect use for every dollar. I remember my dad clamping down on my mother's spending to a very austere degree at times growing up for no reason really and the negative impact it had on her attitude at times so that's definitely something that's ingrained in my memory and would ever prevent me from ever being really overprotective with money. It's just money afterall. It's not ultimately that important. You don't need to guard every dollar like it's The Holy Grail.
     
  16. bigb

    bigb Free at last!!! Contributor

    8,232
    558
    148
    May 26, 2010
    We have one account for everyday needs, and another for our long term savings. About a week before we got married, we closed her account and put it all into one. Now, she doesn't work, so she wouldn't have her own account anyway. We don't really "budget" but our system works for us. Neither of us spend a ton of money. We make no big purchases without discussing it. I check the balance regularly online and let her know where we are. We hide NOTHING from each other financially (or otherwise for that matter). I tell her when I get cash bonuses or exactly how much I get when I take all the scrap wire into the recycling plant. She knows the account number and password to the accounts. Accountability, honesty, and openness is our key.
     
  17. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

    62,127
    2,895
    148
    Jun 23, 2010
    Right. Mine isn't about penny-pinching .. I'm actually quite loose with money. Very, actually.

    I just HATE waste, detest it. Splurge often works great. Value, for me ..

    just don't buy stupid **** and end up not using it or throwing it away .. if you'll use it, buy it. If it will last longer, make you feel better, pay more ...............
     
  18. BigWilly087

    BigWilly087 Well-Known Member

    710
    27
    78
    Oct 21, 2010
    Both my wife and I work for now, and we just pool everything into one joint account. I think it's easier to do if you get married relatively young before either party has substantial assets. We keep a healthy reserve in checking, with the rest invested to our Roth IRAs or 401ks. She is really good with money so I don't worry too much, that's not to say I don't audit our online banking from time to time. We don't have a set rule about talking before spending, but as a general rule of thumb we probably at least let the other person know our intention of spending more than a hundred or so on a unexpected item.

    Sent from my Nexus 10 using Tapatalk HD
     
  19. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

    62,127
    2,895
    148
    Jun 23, 2010
    Did u ask her before buying your Nexus? (or did you come in under the threshold because you signed a multi?)

    ;)
     
  20. bluenote

    bluenote Well-Known Member Contributor

    1,145
    120
    63
    Jun 20, 2010
    We have a joint checking and savings account for all of the bills, mortgage payment, purchases (groceries, car,repairs), trips together, dinners together, etc. and then we each have a separate checking account which we call "fun money". Each month a % from our paycheck is deposited into this checking account and we can spend it which ever way we please without running it by the other. This system has worked great for us as we both want to be involved in our finances, but want a little freedom as well. The key is determining the appropriate amount of fun money in relation to bills and savings.
     

Share This Page