The Official Save me From Death Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Archie Moses, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. Archie Moses

    Archie Moses Well-Known Member

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    So, I usually never get sick. In fact, I don't think I've had a cold in 10 years. Right now, I feel like death. I've had a temp of 101.5 for two days, I've got chills, sweating like Corbin in a suit, eyes and ears and head hurts. If feels like I have so much mucus in my longues that I could vomit swamp thing, my body aches and my back feels like I had standup shower sex with RoseAnne last night, my nose is leaking and I have no energy to go anywhere. Plus, I'm strap for cash so I can't go to the doc. Plus, my ex is pissed at me cause I told her I couldn't take my son tonight. Wtf?!?

    Any amazing remedies? Anyone wanna take care of me?

    I wrote all this on my phone with 1 eye closed so it there are grammatical errors, go beat yourself.
     
    UB and Gameface like this.
  2. Gameface

    Gameface Fire Controlman

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    Okay, this is good for a little temporary relief. Get in the shower and get it nice and warm, hot even. Take your normal shower, which feels good when your sick anyway. Rubbing one out never hurt, either. Before you get out of the shower crank the knob to cold, not lukewarm, COLD. Stand in that for as long as you can handle. Make sure to soak your head with the cold water. Now get out of the shower and dry off. You'll feel very awake with a clear head and have a lot of energy. It's not going to last very long, maybe 45min-1hr so I guess it's up to you if it's worth it.
     
  3. Gyp Rosetti

    Gyp Rosetti Banned

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    Your ex sounds like a winner.
     
  4. Zulu

    Zulu Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you got SARS.....



    Eat some hot peppers ..
    Lemon honey in hot water..
    Enima
     
  5. larryselbows

    larryselbows Banned

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    How're your dumps, dude?
     
    Captain Lobster likes this.
  6. Archie Moses

    Archie Moses Well-Known Member

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    Normal poop, guys.
     
  7. Saint Cy of JFC

    Saint Cy of JFC Well-Known Member

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    Sleep a ton, eat tomato soup, drink tea.
     
  8. The Black Swordsman

    The Black Swordsman Well-Known Member

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    Garlic.
     
  9. Beantown

    Beantown Well-Known Member

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    WTF when did you get divorced? Sorry to hear that.

    My advice is a **** load of Advil Cold and Sinus, Mucinex and then sitting in a steam room for 30 min a day.
     
  10. RJF

    RJF Well-Known Member

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    You procreated? I'm sorry, I'm an ass! :)
    Sleep is the best remedy!
     
  11. Gyp Rosetti

    Gyp Rosetti Banned

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    echinecea, lots of fluids (water and oj), folic acid, chicken noodle soup/tomato soup
     
  12. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

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    You pansies. Whisky and skanks.
     
  13. Saint Cy of JFC

    Saint Cy of JFC Well-Known Member

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    To stop the sick, one must get a hoe on the dick.
     
  14. UGLI baby

    UGLI baby Well-Known Member

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    My ho's R sick.
     
  15. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

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    Headaches?
     
  16. Gyp Rosetti

    Gyp Rosetti Banned

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    Yeah, this shouldn't be an infraction.
     
  17. Dr. Jones

    Dr. Jones In pursuit of #9 Contributor

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    Reported for backseat moderating.
     
  18. RJF

    RJF Well-Known Member

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    Someone is a whiny little bitch.
     
  19. RJF

    RJF Well-Known Member

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    Please report me. It's been a while.
     
  20. franklin

    franklin Well-Known Member

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    Had the same stuff 10 days back. Came on slow, hit like a ton of bricks, 105 all night, coughing lung pieces up, then left a lasting cough.

    The behind the counter pseudo stuff worked wonders for energy, lots of beer & vitamin containing stuff for possible virus, & I'm on the Messicillin pharma plan as a backup. Didn't need that but have plenty if you need it.
     

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