Infidelity

[leftyjace]

How do you know the marriage was not solid?

And further... who gets to define what a solid marriage is? What does "solid" mean, anyway?

 

[One Brow]

My father stayed with my mom for us, the kids, and in doing so, presented an unhealthy relationship for years and years and years. Similarly, I can't imagine living a life, pretending it never happened, and trying to reconcile something that for me is irreconcilable, just for the kids. A single parent home sort of sucks I'm sure but if both parents remain active and positive in their children's lives, I see no reason they can't be raised as well, if not better, than a home where smiling through your teeth becomes the norm.

File for divorce, go for custody of the kids, and move on.

I know this is anecdotal and just my opinion but opinions were asked and this is mine.

The way you describe, it does sound like it was a mistake to stay. I would be the last person to suggest that a marriage betrayal can be just covered up. Real work has to be done to save it, if both parties feel it is worth saving. My parents weren't willing to do that work, and separated.

 

[One Brow]

Well in the sense that most people consider marriage to be some exclusive thing between two people. If I were in his shoes I'd say "ok, for the sake of the kids and the lack of a hassle I'm willing to stay married to you, but I will sleep with other women and you're essentially just another roommate in the house."

I agree that would have a lot of potential to be a sham. On the other hand, even if they were not sleeping together, they could still bond over shared goals, activities, priorities, financial commitments, etc. NOt to mention even if he is sleeping with other people, he can still be sleeping with his wife.

I always told myself that marriage was work, and the affair did not change that. It just changed what we worked on for while.

 

[One Brow]

Exactly. My parents should've gotten divorced earlier and presented a healthier, happier home for us.

That's what happened with me (I was 15).

 

[CONAN]

I've seen this work and fail all kind of ways (staying together versus getting divorced) several times over. I think the problem is pre-divorce what is good for mom and dad is usually good for the family as a whole. With divorce that changes a little. It can work but it just takes a lot more work from mom/dad. And the fact they're are getting divorced can many times mean one or both doesn't like working on that type of stuff anyway. So it can get ugly fast. But like I said I've seen it work out great plenty of times, too. Each situation will be different

 

[CONAN]

How do you know the marriage was not solid?

Your definition might be different than mine but for me cheating on your spouse for 4 years isn't a sign of a solid marriage (speaking in the context of the original post here).

 

[One Brow]

Your definition might be different than mine but for me cheating on your spouse for 4 years isn't a sign of a solid marriage.

We can agree it is not an positive indicator of a solid marriage.

 

[CONAN]

So again, how do you fake that for four years? Hubby had to know something was up, right?

 

[CONAN]

We can agree it is not an positive indicator of a solid marriage.

Whew! That was a tough sell.

 

[One Brow]

So again, how do you fake that for four years? Hubby had to know something was up, right?

Fake what? I see no reason to assume she felt anything other than love for her husband. Just because an indicator is not positive does not mean it is negative.

 

[CONAN]

Fake what? I see no reason to assume she felt anything other than love for her husband. Just because an indicator is not positive does not mean it is negative.

Ya, I know it's weird and all but I'm gonna say cheating on your spouse for 4 years is a negative indicator.

 

[Stoked]

I didn't get the chance Trout. Only time I saw him the girls were around. ***** wouldn't look me in the face.