David Hume
Well-Known Member
@Hornacekamania excellent work!
2025 Utah Jazz All-Time Bad Draft
- Thread starter Saint Cy of JFC
- Start date
Hornacekamania
Well-Known Member
Thanks! Grok did all the heavy lifting though. I did notice that it puts a lot of modern style play into its evaluation. I wonder if it would do something differently if you said "George Mikan-era NBA" or the 1990s as far as playing style.
David Hume
Well-Known Member
Hassan Whiteside was All-NBA 2nd Team Defense one season (2016) and led the NBA in blocks 2 seasons and rebounding for one season.
Miggs
Well-Known Member
@Saint Cy of JFC
You doing this? I know you were sick but did the HIV turn into full blown AIDS now?
You doing this? I know you were sick but did the HIV turn into full blown AIDS now?
Yes, but this competition was just for when the guys were with the Jazz. I mean he still did OK that year, but for us he was just kind of an average backup center.
David Hume
Well-Known Member
Good point!
Coach Ellis
Well-Known Member
Inspired by @Hornacekamania I decided to run it through the GPT as a reverse tournament - losing team advances to the next round.
Here were my results -
Coach Ellis’s squad had some underwhelming names, but surprisingly solid Jazz production. Enes Kanter averaged nearly a double-double in Utah. THT put up high usage numbers (albeit inefficiently), and Diaw had flashes of crafty playmaking—he didn’t forget how to pass just because he was out of shape.
On the other side, Thee Jazz Fan’s team stumbled across the board. Chris Johnson had an offensive rating hovering around ”tumbleweed.” Kris Humphries, while active, was a glorified stat stuffer with limited impact. Mike Brown anchored the paint like a traffic cone. Delaney Rudd tried his best, but his low shooting percentages and weak assist numbers dragged the offense down.
Result: Thee Jazz Fan loses (and therefore advances). Coach Ellis wins and is eliminated.
LVP of the Game: Chris Johnson (SG) – So bad, he made his mom cry.
This was a true battle of mediocrity. Elizah Huge had some NBA-caliber veterans, but their Jazz years were forgettable. Jarron Collins played major minutes despite doing almost nothing on offense, and Borchardt—when he was healthy—was about as effective as a folding chair on defense.
But Zombie… wow. Milt Palacio couldn’t shoot. Trey Lyles had the worst +/- on the roster during his stint, and Jeff Withey somehow had the frame of a center with the presence of a ghost. Even Ty Corbin as a player (before his rough coaching years) couldn’t lift this team. And while Keyonte George may have a future, his rookie Jazz stats were brutal: poor efficiency, high turnovers, and low impact.
Result: Zombie loses (and advances). Elizah Huge is not bad enough to survive.
LVP of the Game: Trey Lyles (PF) – His lifeless defense, inefficient scoring, and inability to rebound gave Zombie the edge in awfulness.
ROUND ONE: Game 3 - (7) Gunter D vs (10) Domino
Gunter D
• PG: Keith McLeod
• SG: Mark Jackson
• SF: Chris Morris
• PF: Jeff Foster
• C: Hassan Whiteside
Domino
• PG: Dante Exum
• SG: Trent Forrest
• SF: Cody Williams
• PF: Jonas Jerebko
• C: Ekpe Udoh
Game Summary:
This was ugly in the best way. Exum vs McLeod was a matchup of “What Could’ve Been” vs “Who Was That Again?”
Domino’s team lacked cohesion. Ekpe Udoh was a solid shot-blocker, but offensively hopeless. Exum never developed in Utah. Cody Williams barely played and was included for the laughs. Jonas Jerebko had moments, but nothing lasting. Forrest was a glue guy on a team full of Elmer’s.
Gunter D, on the other hand, had Whiteside’s bizarre, sulky 2021 Jazz cameo, Mark Jackson’s post-prime skeleton, and Chris Morris—who was already malcontent royalty. This team had low efficiency, bad chemistry, and one-speed pacing.
Result: Gunter D loses (and advances). Domino survives thanks to at least trying on defense.
LVP of the Game: Mark Jackson (SG) – His Jazz version was washed, turnover-prone, and completely unfit for the modern game.
ROUND ONE: Game 4 - (6) SoberasHotRod vs (11) Saint Cy of JFC
SoberasHotRod
• PG: Duck Williams
• SG: Gordan Giricek
• SF: Jeremy Evans
• PF: Scott Padgett
• C: Olden Polynice
Saint Cy
• PG: Earl Watson
• SG: Elijah Mills
• SF: Rudy Gay
• PF: Isaiah Collier
• C: Greg Ostertag
Game Summary:
Polynice and Ostertag battled in the paint like two cement trucks trying to parallel park. Duck Williams had a cool name, but not much else. Jeremy Evans had a dunk contest trophy and nothing resembling NBA skills outside of jumping.
Saint Cy, however, had Elijah Millsap (pure effort, no touch), a dusty Earl Watson, and a late-stage Rudy Gay who looked like he was playing underwater. Greg Ostertag was… Greg Ostertag.
But SoberasHotRod was just a parade of inefficient, slow, and lost. Padgett’s Jazz tenure was a mix of missed shots and missed rotations. Duck Williams barely passed. Giricek’s defense? Don’t ask.
Result: SoberasHotRod loses (and advances). Saint Cy lives to (not) fight another day.
LVP of the Game: Scott Padgett (PF) – Below-average defender, worse rebounder, invisible on the court.
Miggs brought high hopes and low results. Trey Burke chucked up endless low-percentage shots, Ronnie Price was allergic to offense, and Tom Boswell’s 1970s minutes were more ceremonial than productive.
But Thee Jazz Fan once again proved their legendary futility. Delaney Rudd’s Jazz tenure was inefficient even by late-80s standards, and Chris Johnson’s plus/minus was NASA-level negative. Mike Brown once again cemented himself as the black hole of Jazz defense.
Even Kris Humphries’ empty double-doubles couldn’t elevate this squad from the basement. They just couldn’t hang with Miggs’ “at least they tried” energy.
Result:Thee Jazz Fan loses again (and advances). Miggs bows out with a performance slightly less tragic.
LVP of the Game: Chris Johnson (SG) – Shot 32% from the field, contributed almost nothing, and somehow still played?
ROUND TWO: Game 6 - (4) David Hume vs (12) Zombie
David Hume
Let’s be honest — this one had the potential to be the worst basketball game ever played.
David Hume’s squad featured five players who either couldn’t stay healthy, couldn’t shoot, or simply couldn’t play. Melvin Turpin was drafted high and ate his way out of the league. Quincy Lewis was allergic to buckets, and Raul Lopez was a ghost in Jazz lore.
Zombie, however, had real-time flames coming off Trey Lyles (again), a rookie Keyonte George struggling to do anything consistently, and Milt Palacio, whose usage was inversely proportional to his effectiveness.
This one went to overtime… tied at 54-54. A true feat of futility. But an improbable (impossible) game winning shot by Keyonte George at the buzzer avoided the fan's punishment of double overtime.
Result: David Hume loses (and advances). Zombie is bad… but not Hume-level bad.
LVP of the Game: Melvin Turpin (C) – The 6’11” big man whose Jazz legacy is best remembered for being a cautionary tale.
ROUND TWO: Game 7 -(2) Hornacekmania vs (7) Gunter D
Hornacekmania
Hornacekmania was a glorious tribute to unfulfilled potential. Fesenko was a lumbering giant with no feel. Adam Keefe got real minutes and did very little with them. John Crotty brought “backup PE teacher” energy. Schayes and Stevenson were inefficient role-players on their best days.
But Gunter D… my goodness. Mark Jackson was somehow even worse this time around. Chris Morris had chemistry issues and was constantly in Jerry Sloan’s doghouse. Hassan Whiteside was late on rotations, sulky in demeanor, and allergic to passing.
Despite Hornacekmania’s commitment to forgettable performances, Gunter D just had more players actively making things worse.
Result: Gunter D loses again (and advances). Hornacekmania survives—by a hair.
LVP of the Game: Chris Morris (SF) – Off-court friction, poor shooting, and zero leadership made him a franchise headache.
ROUND TWO: Game 8 - (3) Ferguson_Mellochill vs (6) SoberasHotRod
Ferguson_Mellochill
This was a slow, brick-filled slog.
Ferguson’s team had Jacque Vaughn’s brain and hustle, but not much else. Diante Garrett shot under 40% in Utah. Jamie Watson was a project that never developed. John Amaechi looked like he was playing in loafers, and Iavaroni was in his twilight before he even arrived.
SoberasHotRod? Duck Williams couldn’t shoot, Padgett was already crowned a Round 1 LVP, and Evans… well, he dunked once. That was something. Giricek led the team in “vibes,” but not wins. Polynice clogged the lane and the stat sheet with mediocrity.
In the end, the coaching staff admitted the players asked if they could sub themselves out permanently and let the fans play instead.
Result: SoberasHotRod loses again (and advances). Ferguson_Mellochill squeaks by on the strength of being “slightly less painful.”
LVP of the Game: Olden Polynice (C) – A negative defensive presence, bad hands, and worse attitude.
Thee Jazz Fan
This one was a clinic in dysfunction. If you were watching this game, I hope you brought snacks—because the bricklaying was legendary.
Delaney Rudd’s ball-handling was loose. Mike Brown’s idea of defense was existing nearby. Kris Humphries padded stats with meaningless rebounds, and Chris Johnson might’ve turned invisible. Again.
David Hume’s crew wasn’t much better, but at least they had a tiny whiff of upside. Raul Lopez could pass a little. Quincy Lewis hit a single corner three. Leckner… boxed out. Melvin Turpin, on the other hand, committed three turnovers, fouled out, and got winded during warmups.
Still, in a game that ended 65-58, the deciding factor was Thee Jazz Fan’s complete offensive blackout. They shot 29% from the field, and their leading scorer was Kris Humphries with 11 on 4-of-12 shooting.
Result: Thee Jazz Fan loses (and advances to the finals). David Hume is eliminated by being slightly less atrocious.
LVP of the Game: Chris Johnson (SG) – Three rounds. Three LVP-worthy games. This time: 0–5 shooting, 2 turnovers, -14 on the court.
He’s the Russell Westbrook of reverse tournaments.
ROUND THREE: Game 10 - (7) Gunter D vs (6) SoberasHotRod
Gunter D
Gunter D had multiple former starters, but they actively sabotaged each other. Mark Jackson dribbled out the shot clock like it was still 1995. Chris Morris shouted at the ref more than he played defense. Keith McLeod missed wide-open jumpers like it was his job.
On the other side, SoberasHotRod was… inspiringly lifeless. Duck Williams couldn’t run a fast break if the court was downhill. Padgett hit the side of the backboard on two straight possessions. Polynice was a walking turnover, and Giricek checked out after missing his first jumper. Jeremy Evans tried to help… by dunking at halftime.
The game mercifully ended 71–67, and while Gunter D was bad, SoberasHotRod simply collapsed in the final minutes.
Result: SoberasHotRod loses (and advances to the finals). Gunter D is eliminated by sheer apathy.
LVP of the Game: Scott Padgett (PF) – Historic two-time LVP. 1–8 FG, 3 fouls, 0 rebounds, and an epic staredown with the bench after back to back airballs.
Lost to Coach Ellis → advanced
Lost to Miggs → advanced
Lost to David Hume → advanced
3 straight LVP-worthy performances from Chris Johnson
This team is the very definition of butt ugly awful.
Lost to Saint Cy → advanced
Lost to Ferguson → advanced
Lost to Gunter D → advanced
Padgett and Polynice tag-teamed LVP duties like pros
If you were in the arena, you’d have thought it was an ’85 summer league game between car dealership teams. 47 total turnovers, 41% combined shooting from the line, and a highlight reel that doubled as a blooper compilation.
Duck Williams dribbled off his knee four times — and was credited with two assists by mistake.
Mike Brown boxed out his own teammate.
Olden Polynice tried to dunk… and hit the underside of the rim.
Scott Padgett? Still out there somewhere, asking for a sub.
The deciding moment came with 13 seconds left. Down 3, Thee Jazz Fan ran a play for… Chris Johnson, who proceeded to step out of bounds before catching the ball. That was the dagger — or, more accurately, the rubber chicken to the face.
CHAMPION: Thee Jazz Fan
The bench was bad. The starters were worse. The legacy is unforgettable.
LVP of the Finals: Chris Johnson (SG)
Here were my results -
Round One: The Hall of Shame
ROUND ONE: Game 1 - (8) Thee Jazz Fan vs (9) Coach Ellis
Thee Jazz Fan- PG: Delaney Rudd
- SG: Chris Johnson
- SF: David Benoit
- PF: Kris Humphries
- C: Mike Brown
- PG: Talen Horton-Tucker
- SG: Ochai Agbaji
- SF: Sasha Pavlovic
- PF: Boris Diaw
- C: Enes Kanter
Coach Ellis’s squad had some underwhelming names, but surprisingly solid Jazz production. Enes Kanter averaged nearly a double-double in Utah. THT put up high usage numbers (albeit inefficiently), and Diaw had flashes of crafty playmaking—he didn’t forget how to pass just because he was out of shape.
On the other side, Thee Jazz Fan’s team stumbled across the board. Chris Johnson had an offensive rating hovering around ”tumbleweed.” Kris Humphries, while active, was a glorified stat stuffer with limited impact. Mike Brown anchored the paint like a traffic cone. Delaney Rudd tried his best, but his low shooting percentages and weak assist numbers dragged the offense down.
Result: Thee Jazz Fan loses (and therefore advances). Coach Ellis wins and is eliminated.
LVP of the Game: Chris Johnson (SG) – So bad, he made his mom cry.
ROUND ONE: Game 2 - (5) Elizah Huge vs (12) Zombie
Elizah Huge- PG: Jamal Tinsley
- SG: Carlos Arroyo
- SF: Thabo Sefolosha
- PF: Jarron Collins
- C: Curtis Borchardt
- PG: Milt Palacio
- SG: Keyonte George
- SF: Ty Corbin
- PF: Trey Lyles
- C: Jeff Withey
This was a true battle of mediocrity. Elizah Huge had some NBA-caliber veterans, but their Jazz years were forgettable. Jarron Collins played major minutes despite doing almost nothing on offense, and Borchardt—when he was healthy—was about as effective as a folding chair on defense.
But Zombie… wow. Milt Palacio couldn’t shoot. Trey Lyles had the worst +/- on the roster during his stint, and Jeff Withey somehow had the frame of a center with the presence of a ghost. Even Ty Corbin as a player (before his rough coaching years) couldn’t lift this team. And while Keyonte George may have a future, his rookie Jazz stats were brutal: poor efficiency, high turnovers, and low impact.
Result: Zombie loses (and advances). Elizah Huge is not bad enough to survive.
LVP of the Game: Trey Lyles (PF) – His lifeless defense, inefficient scoring, and inability to rebound gave Zombie the edge in awfulness.
ROUND ONE: Game 3 - (7) Gunter D vs (10) Domino
Gunter D
• PG: Keith McLeod
• SG: Mark Jackson
• SF: Chris Morris
• PF: Jeff Foster
• C: Hassan Whiteside
Domino
• PG: Dante Exum
• SG: Trent Forrest
• SF: Cody Williams
• PF: Jonas Jerebko
• C: Ekpe Udoh
Game Summary:
This was ugly in the best way. Exum vs McLeod was a matchup of “What Could’ve Been” vs “Who Was That Again?”
Domino’s team lacked cohesion. Ekpe Udoh was a solid shot-blocker, but offensively hopeless. Exum never developed in Utah. Cody Williams barely played and was included for the laughs. Jonas Jerebko had moments, but nothing lasting. Forrest was a glue guy on a team full of Elmer’s.
Gunter D, on the other hand, had Whiteside’s bizarre, sulky 2021 Jazz cameo, Mark Jackson’s post-prime skeleton, and Chris Morris—who was already malcontent royalty. This team had low efficiency, bad chemistry, and one-speed pacing.
Result: Gunter D loses (and advances). Domino survives thanks to at least trying on defense.
LVP of the Game: Mark Jackson (SG) – His Jazz version was washed, turnover-prone, and completely unfit for the modern game.
ROUND ONE: Game 4 - (6) SoberasHotRod vs (11) Saint Cy of JFC
SoberasHotRod
• PG: Duck Williams
• SG: Gordan Giricek
• SF: Jeremy Evans
• PF: Scott Padgett
• C: Olden Polynice
Saint Cy
• PG: Earl Watson
• SG: Elijah Mills
• SF: Rudy Gay
• PF: Isaiah Collier
• C: Greg Ostertag
Game Summary:
Polynice and Ostertag battled in the paint like two cement trucks trying to parallel park. Duck Williams had a cool name, but not much else. Jeremy Evans had a dunk contest trophy and nothing resembling NBA skills outside of jumping.
Saint Cy, however, had Elijah Millsap (pure effort, no touch), a dusty Earl Watson, and a late-stage Rudy Gay who looked like he was playing underwater. Greg Ostertag was… Greg Ostertag.
But SoberasHotRod was just a parade of inefficient, slow, and lost. Padgett’s Jazz tenure was a mix of missed shots and missed rotations. Duck Williams barely passed. Giricek’s defense? Don’t ask.
Result: SoberasHotRod loses (and advances). Saint Cy lives to (not) fight another day.
LVP of the Game: Scott Padgett (PF) – Below-average defender, worse rebounder, invisible on the court.
Round Two: The Not-Quite-Elite(ish) Eight
ROUND TWO: Game 5 - (1) Miggs vs (8) Thee Jazz Fan
Miggs- PG: Trey Burke
- SG: Ronnie Price
- SF: Devin Brown
- PF: James Hardy
- C: Tom Boswell
- PG: Delaney Rudd
- SG: Chris Johnson
- SF: David Benoit
- PF: Kris Humphries
- C: Mike Brown
Miggs brought high hopes and low results. Trey Burke chucked up endless low-percentage shots, Ronnie Price was allergic to offense, and Tom Boswell’s 1970s minutes were more ceremonial than productive.
But Thee Jazz Fan once again proved their legendary futility. Delaney Rudd’s Jazz tenure was inefficient even by late-80s standards, and Chris Johnson’s plus/minus was NASA-level negative. Mike Brown once again cemented himself as the black hole of Jazz defense.
Even Kris Humphries’ empty double-doubles couldn’t elevate this squad from the basement. They just couldn’t hang with Miggs’ “at least they tried” energy.
Result:Thee Jazz Fan loses again (and advances). Miggs bows out with a performance slightly less tragic.
LVP of the Game: Chris Johnson (SG) – Shot 32% from the field, contributed almost nothing, and somehow still played?
ROUND TWO: Game 6 - (4) David Hume vs (12) Zombie
David Hume
- PG: Raul Lopez
- SG: Quincy Lewis
- SF: Carey Scurry
- PF: Erick Leckner
- C: Melvin Turpin
- PG: Milt Palacio
- SG: Keyonte George
- SF: Ty Corbin
- PF: Trey Lyles
- C: Jeff Withey
Let’s be honest — this one had the potential to be the worst basketball game ever played.
David Hume’s squad featured five players who either couldn’t stay healthy, couldn’t shoot, or simply couldn’t play. Melvin Turpin was drafted high and ate his way out of the league. Quincy Lewis was allergic to buckets, and Raul Lopez was a ghost in Jazz lore.
Zombie, however, had real-time flames coming off Trey Lyles (again), a rookie Keyonte George struggling to do anything consistently, and Milt Palacio, whose usage was inversely proportional to his effectiveness.
This one went to overtime… tied at 54-54. A true feat of futility. But an improbable (impossible) game winning shot by Keyonte George at the buzzer avoided the fan's punishment of double overtime.
Result: David Hume loses (and advances). Zombie is bad… but not Hume-level bad.
LVP of the Game: Melvin Turpin (C) – The 6’11” big man whose Jazz legacy is best remembered for being a cautionary tale.
ROUND TWO: Game 7 -(2) Hornacekmania vs (7) Gunter D
Hornacekmania
- PG: John Crotty
- SG: DeShawn Stevenson
- SF: Adam Keefe
- PF: Danny Schayes
- C: Kyrylo Fesenko
- PG: Keith McLeod
- SG: Mark Jackson
- SF: Chris Morris
- PF: Jeff Foster
- C: Hassan Whiteside
Hornacekmania was a glorious tribute to unfulfilled potential. Fesenko was a lumbering giant with no feel. Adam Keefe got real minutes and did very little with them. John Crotty brought “backup PE teacher” energy. Schayes and Stevenson were inefficient role-players on their best days.
But Gunter D… my goodness. Mark Jackson was somehow even worse this time around. Chris Morris had chemistry issues and was constantly in Jerry Sloan’s doghouse. Hassan Whiteside was late on rotations, sulky in demeanor, and allergic to passing.
Despite Hornacekmania’s commitment to forgettable performances, Gunter D just had more players actively making things worse.
Result: Gunter D loses again (and advances). Hornacekmania survives—by a hair.
LVP of the Game: Chris Morris (SF) – Off-court friction, poor shooting, and zero leadership made him a franchise headache.
ROUND TWO: Game 8 - (3) Ferguson_Mellochill vs (6) SoberasHotRod
Ferguson_Mellochill
- PG: Jacque Vaughn
- SG: Diante Garrett
- SF: Jamie Watson
- PF: John Amaechi
- C: Marc Iavaroni
- PG: Duck Williams
- SG: Gordan Giricek
- SF: Jeremy Evans
- PF: Scott Padgett
- C: Olden Polynice
This was a slow, brick-filled slog.
Ferguson’s team had Jacque Vaughn’s brain and hustle, but not much else. Diante Garrett shot under 40% in Utah. Jamie Watson was a project that never developed. John Amaechi looked like he was playing in loafers, and Iavaroni was in his twilight before he even arrived.
SoberasHotRod? Duck Williams couldn’t shoot, Padgett was already crowned a Round 1 LVP, and Evans… well, he dunked once. That was something. Giricek led the team in “vibes,” but not wins. Polynice clogged the lane and the stat sheet with mediocrity.
In the end, the coaching staff admitted the players asked if they could sub themselves out permanently and let the fans play instead.
Result: SoberasHotRod loses again (and advances). Ferguson_Mellochill squeaks by on the strength of being “slightly less painful.”
LVP of the Game: Olden Polynice (C) – A negative defensive presence, bad hands, and worse attitude.
Round Three: The Semifinals of Sadness
ROUND THREE: Game 9 - (8) Thee Jazz Fan vs (4) David HumeThee Jazz Fan
- PG: Delaney Rudd
- SG: Chris Johnson (2-time LVP candidate)
- SF: David Benoit
- PF: Kris Humphries
- C: Mike Brown (Round 1 LVP)
- PG: Raul Lopez
- SG: Quincy Lewis
- SF: Carey Scurry
- PF: Erick Leckner
- C: Melvin Turpin (Round 2 LVP)
This one was a clinic in dysfunction. If you were watching this game, I hope you brought snacks—because the bricklaying was legendary.
Delaney Rudd’s ball-handling was loose. Mike Brown’s idea of defense was existing nearby. Kris Humphries padded stats with meaningless rebounds, and Chris Johnson might’ve turned invisible. Again.
David Hume’s crew wasn’t much better, but at least they had a tiny whiff of upside. Raul Lopez could pass a little. Quincy Lewis hit a single corner three. Leckner… boxed out. Melvin Turpin, on the other hand, committed three turnovers, fouled out, and got winded during warmups.
Still, in a game that ended 65-58, the deciding factor was Thee Jazz Fan’s complete offensive blackout. They shot 29% from the field, and their leading scorer was Kris Humphries with 11 on 4-of-12 shooting.
Result: Thee Jazz Fan loses (and advances to the finals). David Hume is eliminated by being slightly less atrocious.
LVP of the Game: Chris Johnson (SG) – Three rounds. Three LVP-worthy games. This time: 0–5 shooting, 2 turnovers, -14 on the court.
He’s the Russell Westbrook of reverse tournaments.
ROUND THREE: Game 10 - (7) Gunter D vs (6) SoberasHotRod
Gunter D
- PG: Keith McLeod
- SG: Mark Jackson (Round 1 LVP)
- SF: Chris Morris (Round 2 LVP)
- PF: Jeff Foster
- C: Hassan Whiteside
- PG: Duck Williams
- SG: Gordan Giricek
- SF: Jeremy Evans
- PF: Scott Padgett (Round 1 LVP)
- C: Olden Polynice (Round 2 LVP)
Gunter D had multiple former starters, but they actively sabotaged each other. Mark Jackson dribbled out the shot clock like it was still 1995. Chris Morris shouted at the ref more than he played defense. Keith McLeod missed wide-open jumpers like it was his job.
On the other side, SoberasHotRod was… inspiringly lifeless. Duck Williams couldn’t run a fast break if the court was downhill. Padgett hit the side of the backboard on two straight possessions. Polynice was a walking turnover, and Giricek checked out after missing his first jumper. Jeremy Evans tried to help… by dunking at halftime.
The game mercifully ended 71–67, and while Gunter D was bad, SoberasHotRod simply collapsed in the final minutes.
Result: SoberasHotRod loses (and advances to the finals). Gunter D is eliminated by sheer apathy.
LVP of the Game: Scott Padgett (PF) – Historic two-time LVP. 1–8 FG, 3 fouls, 0 rebounds, and an epic staredown with the bench after back to back airballs.
FINALS: The Worst of the Worst
Thee Jazz Fan vs SoberasHotRod
One last loss to crown the Best Worst Jazz Team of All Time.Thee Jazz Fan
- PG: Delaney Rudd – Low assist, high turnover, no range.
- SG: Chris Johnson – 3x LVP; specialist in cardio and missed threes.
- SF: David Benoit – Streaky scorer who vanished on defense.
- PF: Kris Humphries – Rebounding machine… who never passed.
- C: Mike Brown – A defensive big who didn’t defend.
Lost to Coach Ellis → advanced
Lost to Miggs → advanced
Lost to David Hume → advanced
3 straight LVP-worthy performances from Chris Johnson
This team is the very definition of butt ugly awful.
SoberasHotRod
- PG: Duck Williams – Was he a ghost? May never know.
- SG: Gordan Giricek – Shot like he was trying to miss.
- SF: Jeremy Evans – Can dunk. That’s it.
- PF: Scott Padgett – 2x LVP. Has a fan club… of opponents.
- C: Olden Polynice – Negative impact per minute legend.
Lost to Saint Cy → advanced
Lost to Ferguson → advanced
Lost to Gunter D → advanced
Padgett and Polynice tag-teamed LVP duties like pros
The Championship of Catastrophe - Thee Jazz Fan vs SoberasHotRod
Final Score: 59–54If you were in the arena, you’d have thought it was an ’85 summer league game between car dealership teams. 47 total turnovers, 41% combined shooting from the line, and a highlight reel that doubled as a blooper compilation.
Game Recap:
Chris Johnson airballed two threes and committed a charge on the same possession.Duck Williams dribbled off his knee four times — and was credited with two assists by mistake.
Mike Brown boxed out his own teammate.
Olden Polynice tried to dunk… and hit the underside of the rim.
Scott Padgett? Still out there somewhere, asking for a sub.
The deciding moment came with 13 seconds left. Down 3, Thee Jazz Fan ran a play for… Chris Johnson, who proceeded to step out of bounds before catching the ball. That was the dagger — or, more accurately, the rubber chicken to the face.
CHAMPION: Thee Jazz Fan
The Best Worst Jazz Team of All Time
A stunning journey through four straight losses and three different LVPs from the same guy.The bench was bad. The starters were worse. The legacy is unforgettable.
LVP of the Finals: Chris Johnson (SG)
- Final stat line: 0–6 FG, 3 turnovers, 4 fouls, -15 plus/minus.
- 4-game LVP sweep. A performance for the wrong kind of history books.
Coach Ellis
Well-Known Member
TL,DR
@Thee Jazz Fan lost to @SoberasHotRod in the finals, crowning him the Best Worst Team in Jazz history. Also, I decided to run the same scenario through Grok, and got confirmation. While Eliza Huge and Domino advanced to the semifinals in that one, Thee Jazz Fan lost to SoberasHotRod in the Finals again there as well.
@Thee Jazz Fan lost to @SoberasHotRod in the finals, crowning him the Best Worst Team in Jazz history. Also, I decided to run the same scenario through Grok, and got confirmation. While Eliza Huge and Domino advanced to the semifinals in that one, Thee Jazz Fan lost to SoberasHotRod in the Finals again there as well.
David Hume
Well-Known Member
Excellent work, Coach!
Thee Jazz Fan
Well-Known Member
I died at the part where it said Duck Williams dribbled off his knee four times and lucked into two assists. Lol
Thanks for taking this to a new level guys. Really fun stuff.
Coach Ellis
Well-Known Member
We’ve done NBA 2K simulations before. I just had an idea for how I’d do a tournament and went for it. Hadn’t even thought about using AI until @Hornacekamania posted the Grok results.
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Domino
Well-Known Member
Yeah I ran the 2k simulation last yeah haha the AI analysis is just really cool
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Coach Ellis
Well-Known Member
My GPT bot kind of sounds like me. I didn’t even have to ask it to be a snarky, sarcastic smartass. The Grok one was a bit too analytical for me.
Thought it was interesting that I got the exact same finals and Thee “won” both tournaments.
Thee Jazz Fan
Well-Known Member
So I won the good all-time jazz draft and the bad all-time jazz draft. Yes, I know my Jazz.
Slow clap for @Hornacekamania and @Coach Ellis for the results, and shoutout to @Saint Cy of JFC for setting this up, thought this was a blast.
Coach Ellis
Well-Known Member
It was more fun than I expected it to be. Still like the team I put together - even though I got knocked out in the first round.