40 Signs That We Have Seriously Messed Up The Next Generation Of Americans

[Stoked]

If you discipline them well, they will not hate for it.

I'm a talker and ponderer, so I always aimed to 1) explain carefully why something was wrong (if you can't explain why its wrong ...), and 2) think about the punishment to make sure it fit the crime and the child in both size and type.

I mix forms of punishment. Spanking, time outs, loss of priviligies, groundings, extra work...but I always try to explain to them why they are in trouble.

Liek One Brow said, if you are fair and are punishing them for real stuff and not to be a jerk they will not hate you. I actually think the opposite will happen. I am glad my Dad was a hard case. Made me stand up and take responsibility for my actions.

 

[CONAN]

Always a good laugh at the parents who try so hard to be cool. What a pathetic joke.

 

[jimmy eat jazz]

I mix forms of punishment. Spanking, time outs, loss of priviligies, groundings, extra work...but I always try to explain to them why they are in trouble.

Liek One Brow said, if you are fair and are punishing them for real stuff and not to be a jerk they will not hate you. I actually think the opposite will happen. I am glad my Dad was a hard case. Made me stand up and take responsibility for my actions.

The hard thing is that different children respond to different forms of punishment. Some of my children respond well to punishment, but the oldest son never did. All it did was create an escalating round of passive agressive resistance. I learned over time, however, that what he really responds to is 'shame.' He actually craves our approval, though he won't show it, and will respond to reasoned, loving expressions of disappointment. He won't make a show about it, but over time, you notice the change in his behavior.

Parenting is hard as hell at times, especially figuring out all of the idiosyncrasies of children who, though they share the same gene pool, can be as different as night and day.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Always a good laugh at the parents who try so hard to be cool. What a pathetic joke.

You've tried and failed, we get it.

 

[CONAN]

You've tried and failed, we get it.

Relax, Guy. Your kids think you're rad. That's all that matters. We get it.

 

[Dr. Jones]

Okay, good.
/thread

 

[CONAN]

Cool parent has spoken. Good thread guys. We get it.

 

[Dr. Jones]

I said /thread you hack.

 

[franklin]

Always a good laugh at the parents who try so hard to be cool. What a pathetic joke.

I also prefer the hard *** route that creates rebellious children. Honestly, who here didn't appreciate the preacher's daughter or the police chief's pot dealing son? That's what I want my kids turning into. The cool ones in school with subconscious daddy issues.

 

[franklin]

Well, if you buy into Social Conservative rhetoric, we apparently discovered sex in the 1960s.

Many of the items on this list lack any kind of historical, social, cultural, etc. perspective that makes assessing them difficult. (I did not care to follow up on all of the links.) Plus, some of the stats frankly do not pass the sniff test to me, appearing more like inflated claims of advocates than actual, careful research (e.g., 50% of children will be on food stamps before 18). Plus, many of the items have nothing to do with 'the next generation' but are actually multi-generational issues.

This strikes me as one manifestation of the 'doomsday' genre, that attempt to shock us with outrageous statistics of often questionable provenance and often questionable interpretation. The unstated objective of such is often to encourage us to think back to some mythical good ol' days of yore when people were honest, earnest, sexually pure, courteous, polite, and governed by good old fashioned values. Of course, this mythical time was just that, mythical.

Frankly, if I had my choice, I'd choose to live today than in any other time in history. Aside from the fact that I'd be dead by now otherwise, the opportunities available in this country today are so much greater to so many more people representing a cross-section of society, that nothing even comes close. Sure we have problems, but I tell you what, if I were female, black, gay, etc., there's no way in hell I'm longing for the good ol' days.

But they used to nail children to towncenter posts by the ears for not knowing the bible. This once Christian nation is going to hell! They want to take IGWT off the money & "under God" out of the atheist national pledge. Oh me oh my. & there aren't legal prostitution parlors in major cities any more & we don't beat our women for piping up & warlords don't raid our cities & rape our women & we don't build tribute paying empires anymore. Where has this world gone? I mean, it's so bad that I pray God comes & destroys us all with fire & brimstone. The sooner the better.

 

[Deleted member 848]

I also prefer the hard *** route that creates rebellious children. Honestly, who here didn't appreciate the preacher's daughter or the police chief's pot dealing son? That's what I want my kids turning into. The cool ones in school with subconscious daddy issues.

Lol, this. But personally, I find that the more rebellious children tend to stem from parents who act like badasses, and don't offer time to explain to their children as to why they're behaving the way they are.

I am of the opinion that parents should absolutely never take **** from their children, and always have high expectations of them and push them to succeed- BUT they also have to seriously focus on communicating intimately, as to why things are the way they are.

 

[Deleted member 848]

Do you share all your posts on this forum with your mum?

My mum shakes her head with disgust everytime I utter the words 'Utah Jazz'. She'd probably disown me if she knew I spent all of my 'studying time' racking up 3000 posts on an Internet forum

 

[NUMBERICA]

There is definitely such thing as being too hard-*** of a parent. Kids should be treated with respect and communicated with as much or moreso anyone and I think that's where the disconnect comes from first and foremost. You can hold the stick and still try to be on-the-level with them at the same time, although most parents find these ideas mutually exclusive.

 

[Jazz Spazz]

There is definitely such thing as being too hard-*** of a parent. Kids should be treated with respect and communicated with as much or moreso anyone and I think that's where the disconnect comes from first and foremost. You can hold the stick and still try to be on-the-level with them at the same time, although most parents find these ideas mutually exclusive.

I totally agree with the respect and communication. Parents do need to make the effort to listen to what is important to their kids at whatever age they are. Listen to your 2 year old when they talk, and keep doing it as they get older. This way when they are teenagers and older they will want to talk to you, and they might actually have something to say.

 

[TroutBum]

The hard thing is that different children respond to different forms of punishment. Some of my children respond well to punishment, but the oldest son never did. All it did was create an escalating round of passive agressive resistance. I learned over time, however, that what he really responds to is 'shame.' He actually craves our approval, though he won't show it, and will respond to reasoned, loving expressions of disappointment. He won't make a show about it, but over time, you notice the change in his behavior.

Parenting is hard as hell at times, especially figuring out all of the idiosyncrasies of children who, though they share the same gene pool, can be as different as night and day.

Wow, I am going through this right now. My first kid is the poster child for "easy" -- slept through the night at 8 weeks, was potty trained after two times on the potty (only soiled herself twice after that), was talking and holding very intelligent conversations before she was three, etc. If she ever does anything wrong, I tell her it's wrong and to stop doing it -- and that's usually the end of it. She's five now and I can't remember the last time I had to spank her for anything. She's amazing. My two year old on the other hand... STILL doesn't sleep through the night. Refuses to talk, even though she can. Whines when she wants something, when she's tired, when she's happy, when she's sad, when she's awake. Non-Stop Whining. I am not overstating this, she really does whine 95% of her waking hours. She also does NOT respond to physical punishment. For example, she loves to take the dog food and dump it out onto the back porch and then throw it all over. I've asked her, yelled at her, screamed at her, given her spanks, given her HARD spanks, given her time outs, etc. and she still does it. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE STEPS OUTSIDE. I will usually follow her out and watch her do it. If I do a loud "Ahem!" she'll freeze, turn around, and act like she wasn't doing anything wrong at all... As soon as I go in? Boom. She is like this with EVERYTHING. Jumping on the bed, pulling stuff out of the cupboards, climbing up on the counters, jumping on the couches, dumping the DVD racks, dumping the toy bins, etc. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm already going bald, but what little hair I have left I am pulling out in clumps.

There is definitely such thing as being too hard-*** of a parent. Kids should be treated with respect and communicated with as much or moreso anyone and I think that's where the disconnect comes from first and foremost. You can hold the stick and still try to be on-the-level with them at the same time, although most parents find these ideas mutually exclusive.

I agree with this as well. My old man was a mean sucker who just got pissed and gave us the belt/stick/whatever was lying around. At my age, I can look back and respect him for what he was trying to teach me, and I appreciate it -- although I hated his guts and liver until I was in my early 20's. I try very hard to explain everything to my girls as if they're my equals. Sometimes I get too technical for them, but I do it anyway. I hope it works and I hope they understand why their dad was constantly riding them so hard.

 

[NUMBERICA]

I've found that if you treat kids like they're human beings they respond in such a manner. Of course they're not fully developed, but I've found if you sit down and talk to them about what they were thinking when they screwed up and explained to them why what they did was wrong in a way that they'll grasp you get as good or better results than to fly off the handle and tell them "NO! BECAUSE I SAID SO!" I can certainly say that method of parenting didn't work for me as I was growing up.

 

[NUMBERICA]

FWIW, I'm also not a parent, but I have more nieces and nephews than I can count and in recent years did babysitting as my job for about 8 months.

Amongst all of my Kumbaya (sp), sometimes you need to rain fire. But getting pissed off and/or using physical punishment will only build resentment if they don't care about or respect you. The thing I've found is that if they care about/respect/truly love the caretaker, disappointing them is where it hits home. I think parents in general could afford to draw bolder, clearer lines for certain behaviors and spend more time on-the-level with their kids at the same time.

 

[CONAN]

Well said, Numberica. Bringing it in this thread. Utes suck.

 

[CONAN]

I also prefer the hard *** route that creates rebellious children. Honestly, who here didn't appreciate the preacher's daughter or the police chief's pot dealing son? That's what I want my kids turning into. The cool ones in school with subconscious daddy issues.

Those guys are also funny.

 

[franklin]

My two year old on the other hand... STILL doesn't sleep through the night. Refuses to talk, even though she can. Whines when she wants something, when she's tired, when she's happy, when she's sad, when she's awake. Non-Stop Whining. I am not overstating this, she really does whine 95% of her waking hours. She also does NOT respond to physical punishment. For example, she loves to take the dog food and dump it out onto the back porch and then throw it all over. I've asked her, yelled at her, screamed at her, given her spanks, given her HARD spanks, given her time outs, etc. and she still does it. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE STEPS OUTSIDE. I will usually follow her out and watch her do it. If I do a loud "Ahem!" she'll freeze, turn around, and act like she wasn't doing anything wrong at all... As soon as I go in? Boom. She is like this with EVERYTHING. Jumping on the bed, pulling stuff out of the cupboards, climbing up on the counters, jumping on the couches, dumping the DVD racks, dumping the toy bins, etc. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm already going bald, but what little hair I have left I am pulling out in clumps.

That was I think I just sharted funny.

My two year old boy is the same way with punishment. He beats the hell out of everything, including his older brother CONSTANTLY, who I'm afraid will beat me to snapping on the little **** & do some real damage. The kid won't even come out of timeout when I let him. He knows he's heading straight back because he can't stop beating the hell out of stuff & it's easier to just sit there than deal with me again in between. He also won't eat anymore, which makes every two year old a whining machine. I don't think I've had a single day without him in timeout at least 4 freaking times by 10:30 in the morning, & I'm a pretty damn easy going parent. Literally nothing works. Wait, I haven't tried the cold shower thing yet. Good pep talk.

Two year olds are cute as hell but they should come with a punching bag or stress ball.