SCENE: Jazz locker room. Players and coaches both are quiet, processing the events of the past 2 weeks. Gordon Hayward in particular appears as shaken-up as a PFC on Omaha Beach on D-Day.
Ty Corbin stands up and addresses the group:
TC: "I know that it's been really tough. Thanks for sticking with it. I've asked Kevin O'Connor to come in and talk to us about what has transpired."
Kevin O'Connor strides into the room, stops in front of the white board, and looks each player in the eye. He stays silent for a very long time.
Hilarious - Well Done
Unable to take the discomfort, Memo finally musters the strength to prop himself up on his crutches:
MO: "Kevin, what is to happen before the trade deadline?"
KOC: "To be honest Memo, I don't think anybody cares about what happens to you before the trade deadline."
Memo sits down.
KOC: "I wanted to come in this morning and talk to you about a few things. I follow Twitter, CJ. You are retarded. People don't care when you get up or go work out. And frankly, you seem to laugh out loud at the stupidest things. The only thing I laugh out loud at is the size of your can this season. I got a tweet for you: U FAT. LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
"Now on to my second point. Some of you may have noticed that we traded Deron yesterday to the Nets. New Jersey is clear on the other side of the country so I'll fill you in on how they've been doing this year. They suck. The only thing they have going is that Kim Kardashian is going to their games. She and about 600 other people. They are the 6th worst team in the league and I just sent our best player--by far--there. Where will I send you today, Andrei? Minnesota? You can take the rest of Kosta's Star Wars action figures to him. CJ, I will send you to Philadelphia for a set of dentures that I have to extract personally with my own mouth from a grandmother.
"Don't F with us, young men. How bad do you think Deron hates Utah and Coach Sloan now?
"Do you think that Larry Miller is going to walk through those doors and smooth things out? Larry's dead.
"It's a new era, bitches."