Gyp Rosetti
Banned
Do you ever not whore yourself out?
Dealing with the death of a parent.
- Thread starter Cocaine
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Do you ever not whore yourself out?
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
My sincere condolences Cocaine.
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
Wrong time, wrong place.
D
Deleted member 848
Guest
If there is something mystical that Ive noticed in my years of living on this earth, its that seems seem to always happen for a reason. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, Cocaine. At times like these, I feel like it is all that you can do. I hope that you can find happiness in remembering the plethora of memories that you share with your mother. I honestly don't know what to say, I couldn't begin to imagine how I would handle dealing with the seat of my mother, let alone the other issues that you seem to be dealing with at the moment. My deepest condolences.
And PS: To the other jazzfanz posters, namely ones like Archie, GoJazz, kwb and Jazzspazz, Im really proud of you guys with sharing such painful stories, in attempts to help a fellow poster through such difficult times. Moments like these make me feel like maybe Im not wasting my time on these forums after all
And PS: To the other jazzfanz posters, namely ones like Archie, GoJazz, kwb and Jazzspazz, Im really proud of you guys with sharing such painful stories, in attempts to help a fellow poster through such difficult times. Moments like these make me feel like maybe Im not wasting my time on these forums after all
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've never lost a parent, or even a parent-in-law. About 8 1/2 years ago, my wife's brother dies. He was the only full sibling she had and he was only about 18 months younger than her. My wife and I were high school sweethearts, so I've literally known her family over half my life at this point, so it was like losing my own brother as well. There are a couple of things I can tell you about our experience.
First, it's your right to feel any emotions that may come. Don't hide any of them. If all the sudden you feel pissed at her, it's okay. That's part of your grieving process. Don't hide these feelings. Talk about them because I can almost guarantee you that someone else is feeling that way too.
It's going to hurt for a long time. Like so many others have said, time certainly helps, but it will never go away. My wife still says she has a huge hole in her heart from his loss.
Get together with the rest of your family. Talk about her. The immediate days after the brother-in-law's death were spent with both sides of my wife's family. All we did was grieve with each other and tell stories about him. I'm sure you're already doing this, but keep doing it. I think that really helped jump start my wife's healing process.
My personal belief is that your mom knows how you feel about her. I believe in an active afterlife. I believe those that have passed on visit us regularly. She knows that you're thinking of her and how you feel. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel.
Again, sorry for loss. I sincerely hope you can get everything worked out.
I've never lost a parent, or even a parent-in-law. About 8 1/2 years ago, my wife's brother dies. He was the only full sibling she had and he was only about 18 months younger than her. My wife and I were high school sweethearts, so I've literally known her family over half my life at this point, so it was like losing my own brother as well. There are a couple of things I can tell you about our experience.
First, it's your right to feel any emotions that may come. Don't hide any of them. If all the sudden you feel pissed at her, it's okay. That's part of your grieving process. Don't hide these feelings. Talk about them because I can almost guarantee you that someone else is feeling that way too.
It's going to hurt for a long time. Like so many others have said, time certainly helps, but it will never go away. My wife still says she has a huge hole in her heart from his loss.
Get together with the rest of your family. Talk about her. The immediate days after the brother-in-law's death were spent with both sides of my wife's family. All we did was grieve with each other and tell stories about him. I'm sure you're already doing this, but keep doing it. I think that really helped jump start my wife's healing process.
My personal belief is that your mom knows how you feel about her. I believe in an active afterlife. I believe those that have passed on visit us regularly. She knows that you're thinking of her and how you feel. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel.
Again, sorry for loss. I sincerely hope you can get everything worked out.
7StraightIsGreat
Well-Known Member
Cocain, the story of your mom is so similar to my own mom's story I can't believe it. My mom died a little over a year ago. She spent the better part of her life on hard drugs and alcohol. Towards the end she was off the hard drugs and alcohol but still couldn't shake the presription pain killers. She simply abused her body too hard for too long. Her heart gave out at the age of 49. I wish I could could give you some good advice on how to deal with not being able to say goodbye, but I'm going through the same thing. Our relationship had been strained for about 20 years and we hardly spoke. She lived in Ely, Nevada which made the no contact thing pretty easy. The last time I spoke to her was about 3 months before her death and it was a horrible conversation. I called her up and was yelling at her because she had just told my youngest sister she was in so much pain that she was going to kill herself right after my sister's wedding (my sister was to be married in about a week at that time). It was an ugly, ugly conversation. We didn't even speak at my sister's wedding the following week.
A few months later she called my cell phone about 5 or 6 times in a few day span leaving voicemails each time stating how sorry she was, how much she loved me, and how she just wanted to be able to talk to me again. Each and every time she called, I'd send it straight to voicemail. About 1 week after those phone calls, she was found dead in her living room sitting in her recliner. My relationship with my mother was always horrible, but for the rest of my life I will regret not picking up that phone.
A few months later she called my cell phone about 5 or 6 times in a few day span leaving voicemails each time stating how sorry she was, how much she loved me, and how she just wanted to be able to talk to me again. Each and every time she called, I'd send it straight to voicemail. About 1 week after those phone calls, she was found dead in her living room sitting in her recliner. My relationship with my mother was always horrible, but for the rest of my life I will regret not picking up that phone.
Cocaine
Active Member
My mother was 49 as well, 50 on April 4th. I have ignored my mom's calls many times before as well. Your story is eerily similar. I relate in so many ways.
My dad just called me to give me an update, and this day has gotten a bit worse.
My wife and I found her face-down in a pile of puke and blood, her bowels had released, etc. Not going to sugar coat it. I guess because of dying face-down, all of the blood pooled on her front-side once the heart stopped beating, and then dried. Apparently she is black in skin-tone now, and there will not be a viewing nor an open casket. We are going to see her in about an hour and a half. I will most likely force/coax my wife into seeing her, because all my wife sees in her head the past few days is what my mom looked like when we found her..and she looked like she was in pain.
As most people, you're never prepared when someone dies. My mom had been talking about taking out of a life-insurance policy for the past little while, but never did. We are working on opening an account for donations and will be posting an obituary soon. I will keep you updated, for anyone that is interested.
Cocaine
Active Member
Just finished with all of the mortuary/cemetery ****. They really take advantage of people, don't they. $700 to dig a hole and fill it in after? Yeesh. But we're setting the funeral for Tuesday at 10:00AM if we're able to come up with the money in time. All-in-All it's right around $9000, which is, of course, not expected at ALL.
Shameless plug for myself, my family and most of all my mother(in the obituary as well); Since I'm getting the run-around and having issues setting up her Donation/Memorial account, any donations in the mean time can be made at any KeyBank. Matthew W Wall/Krista T Wall - Account# ending in 25677.
You guys have been great, and I appreciate the stories and support thus far. You guys aren't as bad as you initially come across(When I originally joined about 3 years ago). We've got a tight-knit family going on here. =] <3
Shameless plug for myself, my family and most of all my mother(in the obituary as well); Since I'm getting the run-around and having issues setting up her Donation/Memorial account, any donations in the mean time can be made at any KeyBank. Matthew W Wall/Krista T Wall - Account# ending in 25677.
You guys have been great, and I appreciate the stories and support thus far. You guys aren't as bad as you initially come across(When I originally joined about 3 years ago). We've got a tight-knit family going on here. =] <3
MK11
Active Member
My deepest condolences, my friend, I'm sure, words cannot even begin to express your sorrow, but we can give only words. Unfortunately, I don't have any greatests of them, so I wanted to give you a little poem from Rumi, it helped me in someway in the past, I hope helps you too. I wish I could have found a better translation of it but, anyway...
Our death is our wedding with eternity,
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.
RUMI
Our death is our wedding with eternity,
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.
RUMI
I never have experienced anything like this but my wife lost 3 brothers in a car accident 12 years ago.
She said the 1st year was tough but the 2nd was worse as you really realize what you lost.
She's also said you never get over it but praying and always keeping them close to your heart and remembering the good times has helped her cope. Religious or not, just have to think how much more comforted she is right now without the pain and suffering.
Sorry for your loss man and you and your family are in my prayers.
She said the 1st year was tough but the 2nd was worse as you really realize what you lost.
She's also said you never get over it but praying and always keeping them close to your heart and remembering the good times has helped her cope. Religious or not, just have to think how much more comforted she is right now without the pain and suffering.
Sorry for your loss man and you and your family are in my prayers.