You argument that anger helps might be plausible here if it was genuine and aimed correctly. If you think name calling and the like is an effective tool then its no wonder you have made little progress.
That's an interesting sentence. In 15 years or so on this site, you could count the number of times I have called someone a name on one hand, and not run out of fingers (I like to think the count is zero, but that's probably not true). However, that doesn't stop people from saying that I call them names. So, I see little reason to say that people will start listening better if you just don't insult them. It has not been my experience.
There is no sonic screwdriver in social justice. No one tool does everything, and any tool has a time and a place, even the use of insults.