Married or Single?

[Gameface]

For young men I think they need to think long and hard about the real benefits and the very real legal obligations that come from marriage. Long ago and far away I'd say men got a pretty good deal out of marriage and even the possibility of divorce. These days it's almost all downside where marriage becomes a trap for men and divorce becomes an opportunity for women. The situation can be reversed, but if kids are involved expect to 1) not be valued as a parent and 2) to be treated like a beast of burden who's sole worth and obligation is to provide money so that your ex and the children she keeps from you can live comfortably why you wither away at the bachelor arms apts until you finally decide to blow your brains out.

 

[Qman]

For young men I think they need to think long and hard about the real benefits and the very real legal obligations that come from marriage. Long ago and far away I'd say men got a pretty good deal out of marriage and even the possibility of divorce. These days it's almost all downside where marriage becomes a trap for men and divorce becomes an opportunity for women. The situation can be reversed, but if kids are involved expect to 1) not be valued as a parent and 2) to be treated like a beast of burden who's sole worth and obligation is to provide money so that your ex and the children she keeps from you can live comfortably why you wither away at the bachelor arms apts until you finally decide to blow your brains out.

The knife cuts both ways.

Yes divorce is terrible for many reasons, however marriage has many benefits.

1. Improved finances
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865574603/Marriage-improves-financial-net-worth.html?pg=all
2. Longer lifespan
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865574603/Marriage-improves-financial-net-worth.html?pg=all
3. Gives Kids best change to succeed
https://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf

My personal experiences with marriage have been positive but it takes two to make a marriage work.

I have been married for 5 years with 2 kids.

 

[CONAN]

The knife cuts both ways.

Yes divorce is terrible for many reasons, however marriage has many benefits.

1. Improved finances
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865574603/Marriage-improves-financial-net-worth.html?pg=all
2. Longer lifespan
https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865574603/Marriage-improves-financial-net-worth.html?pg=all
3. Gives Kids best change to succeed
https://www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf

My personal experiences with marriage have been positive but it takes two to make a marriage work.

I have been married for 5 years with 2 kids.

Good post. I think a lot of folks give up way too easily on marriage (certainly a chunk of people wait too long to give up).

 

[Gameface]

If the marriage is healthy then it's good for both parties. What I'm talking about is a broken marriage. If there are kids, a mortgage and a wife who earns substantially less than you do you are screwed. Staying in the broken marriage is the best option for the man in this scenario. If he leaves he will have to provide his wife and the kids he has almost no chance to gain primary custody of with a standard of living similar to what they had during the marriage...at an extreme expense to his own standard of living. On the other hand, if a housewife is tired of her fat stinky husband and his bad attitude she can leave and still get the primary benefit the marriage provided, financial support. Her lifestyle will remain mostly unchanged, other than no longer having to put up with a husband she doesn't like.


I'm not bitter. I've never been divorced. This is my observation of the state of things from the outside looking in. I've never experienced the things I describe. I've only seen it play out in the lives of coworkers literally dozens of times, both men and women. Often I am sympathetic to the women. The way they describe their husbands I would want to leave, too. For the men who get left, well their lives usually suck and they will break down for you their financial obligations to a family that has cast them out and wants nothing to do with them other than to receive child support and alimony payments in a timely manner.

 

[CONAN]

If the marriage is healthy then it's good for both parties. What I'm talking about is a broken marriage. If there are kids, a mortgage and a wife who earns substantially less than you do you are screwed. Staying in the broken marriage is the best option for the man in this scenario. If he leaves he will have to provide his wife and the kids he has almost no chance to gain primary custody of with a standard of living similar to what they had during the marriage...at an extreme expense to his own standard of living. On the other hand, if a housewife is tired of her fat stinky husband and his bad attitude she can leave and still get the primary benefit the marriage provided, financial support. Her lifestyle will remain mostly unchanged, other than no longer having to put up with a husband she doesn't like.


I'm not bitter. I've never been divorced. This is my observation of the state of things from the outside looking in. I've never experienced the things I describe. I've only seen it play out in the lives of coworkers literally dozens of times, both men and women. Often I am sympathetic to the women. The way they describe their husbands I would want to leave, too. For the men who get left, well their lives usually suck and they will break down for you their financial obligations to a family that has cast them out and wants nothing to do with them other than to receive child support and alimony payments in a timely manner.

Well, once a marriage is broken down into just the practical numbers it is over anyway. I'm not saying that stuff shouldn't be considered. It should. But basing whether you should or should not get married/divorced based strictly off numbers isn't a good plan IMO.

To me marriage isn't just a label.

 

[Qman]

If the marriage is healthy then it's good for both parties. What I'm talking about is a broken marriage. If there are kids, a mortgage and a wife who earns substantially less than you do you are screwed. Staying in the broken marriage is the best option for the man in this scenario. If he leaves he will have to provide his wife and the kids he has almost no chance to gain primary custody of with a standard of living similar to what they had during the marriage...at an extreme expense to his own standard of living. On the other hand, if a housewife is tired of her fat stinky husband and his bad attitude she can leave and still get the primary benefit the marriage provided, financial support. Her lifestyle will remain mostly unchanged, other than no longer having to put up with a husband she doesn't like.


I'm not bitter. I've never been divorced. This is my observation of the state of things from the outside looking in. I've never experienced the things I describe. I've only seen it play out in the lives of coworkers literally dozens of times, both men and women. Often I am sympathetic to the women. The way they describe their husbands I would want to leave, too. For the men who get left, well their lives usually suck and they will break down for you their financial obligations to a family that has cast them out and wants nothing to do with them other than to receive child support and alimony payments in a timely manner.

If everyone is really worried about that some kind of prenupitials would make sense.

 

[Hartsock]

If the marriage is healthy then it's good for both parties. What I'm talking about is a broken marriage. If there are kids, a mortgage and a wife who earns substantially less than you do you are screwed. Staying in the broken marriage is the best option for the man in this scenario. If he leaves he will have to provide his wife and the kids he has almost no chance to gain primary custody of with a standard of living similar to what they had during the marriage...at an extreme expense to his own standard of living. On the other hand, if a housewife is tired of her fat stinky husband and his bad attitude she can leave and still get the primary benefit the marriage provided, financial support. Her lifestyle will remain mostly unchanged, other than no longer having to put up with a husband she doesn't like.


I'm not bitter. I've never been divorced. This is my observation of the state of things from the outside looking in. I've never experienced the things I describe. I've only seen it play out in the lives of coworkers literally dozens of times, both men and women. Often I am sympathetic to the women. The way they describe their husbands I would want to leave, too. For the men who get left, well their lives usually suck and they will break down for you their financial obligations to a family that has cast them out and wants nothing to do with them other than to receive child support and alimony payments in a timely manner.

Somehow my wife's ex got out on top. No alimony, pays $250 a month for child support, only takes his daughter 3 or 4 nights a month. I pay for everything for his daughter, which I'm fine with because I consider her my daughter, but it basically allows him to go to school full time and work a 20 hour a week job. Most of the time the guy gets screwed, but I also think most of the time the guy screws himself.

 

[Bronco70]

If neither party is benefiting from a marriage, it does more harm than good to try to salvage it.

The flip side of that, as CONAN pointed out, is that some people are too quick to give up on something that could be made right.

As far as the video is concerned, I just shake my head. No matter what the relationship was like before the mission, they should give it at least a few months before locking down the wedding. If it's meant to be, it will only get better during that cooling down period.

I know a few guys that got married right off their missions that are now either unhappy or divorced. I'm not saying that's the standard, but it is what it is.

 

[Hartsock]

If neither party is benefiting from a marriage, it does more harm than good to try to salvage it.

The flip side of that, as CONAN pointed out, is that some people are too quick to give up on something that could be made right.

As far as the video is concerned, I just shake my head. No matter what the relationship was like before the mission, they should give it at least a few months before locking down the wedding. If it's meant to be, it will only get better during that cooling down period.

I know a few guys that got married right off their missions that are now either unhappy or divorced. I'm not saying that's the standard, but it is what it is.

His eyes are saying "Fuuuuuuuu how do I get out of this without looking like an ***?"

 

[CONAN]

Never understood the whole get married quick thing. Just asking for trouble. To me, given what's at stake, you would want as much data as possible within reason. I know the LDS frowns on it but I think an ideal situation would be to live together first.

 

[Bronco70]

Never understood the whole get married quick thing. Just asking for trouble. To me, given what's at stake, you would want as much data as possible within reason. I know the LDS frowns on it but I think an ideal situation would be to live together first.

People change over those 2 years, even if they don't realize it. I would want to be sure we were still compatible before committing myself to someone.

 

[Gameface]

People change over those 2 years, even if they don't realize it. I would want to be sure we were still compatible before committing myself to someone.

I agree with you 1000% percent. He's had two years of experiences unlike anything he experienced the previous 19 years. He is not the same person he was when he left.

Also, maybe I'm being too judgmental but has she just been sitting around getting heavy and dreaming of the day when when her knight in shining armor, I mean, her RM in a Mr. Mac suit arrives to sweep her off her feet? I find that very pathetic. If she hasn't been living and loving and experiencing young adult life for the last two years she's going to be a developmentally challenged person for a good long time and not good wife material.