My dentist decided an old filling needed to be replaced a few months ago. It hadn't been bothering me so I should have said "no." But I went ahead. He said during it that the decay was worse than he realized. The pain afterwards was terrible but I was going through different medical issues at the time (including a sinus infection) that took precedence and confused the problem. When I went back, he couldn't figure out what was wrong, but we finally determined I should get a root canal by an endodontist. The pain relief was immense. I still need a crown, but it was well worth it.
I had been trying to decide whether to get a different dentist, but Green has convinced me to give him another try. He didn't charge me for the filling, and he takes his patients to a free movie every year, so I'll stick it out.
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Here is my personal feeling in your case. If your "old filling" had decay around it, it was in trouble. Then it ended up deeper than thought on the X-ray (which is very common because X-rays hide a lot of decay because you are taking a three dimensional object and smashing it onto a two dimensional X-ray, which means that healthy tooth structure can overlap decay and "hide" it on the X-ray)...
That wasn't the dentist's fault that you had decay on there. It wasn't his fault that you went to him to find the decay, he found it and he did the proper treatment in taking out the old filling, the decay and then re-filling it. It wasn't his fault that your body reacted to the procedure the way it did.
Yet, he didn't charge you for it. Wow. What a great guy. I would have charged you for it. I did the work, I should get paid to do the work.
Had you said no, and not done the filling, the decay would have grown larger and you would have ended up in pain. Dental decay doesn't ever get better, it doesn't get smaller. It only gets worse. You would have ended up still needing the root canal, except now you would have had less tooth structure for the crown (because the decay was bigger) and the crown would not have been as strong and it would not last as long.
I think going to a different dentist would be a mistake (unless you come to me, ha ha). He did what he was supposed to do, and he did it for free for you. That's a great guy.
I hope this doesn't come off as rude. I'm not trying to be rude. BUT, to throw a guy under the bus for doing his job, the job you asked him to do, and he left you in a better situation (your crown will be stronger because he cleaned out the decay when it was smaller) AND he didn't charge you for it?!?...then you are ready to leave him...
Seems a little unfair to me. He went above and beyond his duties and he gets trashed for it. Thats the crap we dentites get to deal with every day. I love my job. That part sucks. Oh, and the "I hate the dentist" line I get 50 times a day. I get it. No one likes to be held upside down, stabbed, made numb then operated on while awake. It sucks. I know that, you know that. We all know that. Crack a joke instead. Tell me you like my shoes. Tell me about your plans this weekend. Make a crappy experience slightly more enjoyable. You'll like your appt better and your doc will like you better.
Whew...lecture over. Sorry guys.