Hopper
Banned
Years back I was sittin in the courthouse, to keep warm on a cold-*** winter day and was kinda snoozin in the back pew, ya know? I woke up, powerful thirsty, and went out in the hall to get a drink from the fountain. When I come back in there was a mousy-lookin bottom feeder cross-examining a cop from the town of Podunk. I listened for a spell, and, turns out, this bottom feeder was a little smarter than he looked. Kinda went like this here, as I recalls:
Bottom Feeder: I see here that you issued a citation to my client for speedin within the Podunk city limits at 7:48 A.M. Was this your first citation that day?
Podunk cop: Well, it was, but it was more like the first that night. Ya see, I work the graveyard shift: Midnight to 8:00 A.M.
BF: You're a full-time Podunk cop, then?
PC: Well, yeah, I spoze, but I also work as a hod carrier for local masons as my day job. I generally start that at 8:00 A.M.
BF: Do you carry a gun while on duty?
PC: Sho nuff!
BF: Is that a service revolver issued to you by the Podunk PD?
PC: Well, their budget is rather small. It's my own gun, but I had it anyway, before I became a Podunk Patrolman, so...
BF: Does the Podunk PD provide you with a police cruiser?
PC: Naw, I use my personal car while on duty--a '53 Hudson, a real creampuff, I tellya what! I prefer drivin my own car anyway.
BF: Does the PD provide you with gas for your car?
PC: Naw, but I always have gas in it anyway, so I don't need their help with that.
BF: How about that badge you're sporting? They give you that?
PC: Well, they authorized me to buy one with their name on it from the mail order badge catalogue.
BF: But you paid for it yourself?
PC: Yeah. Like I said, the Podunk PD aint got a big budget.
BF: How much are you paid by the Podunk PD?
PC: Paid? It's all volunteer work. I do it out of a sense of civic duty.
BF: So, you're patrolling Podunk for eight hours on this particular night/day, using your own car and your own gas, armed with your own pistol, and wearing a badge you paid for yourself, all for free before you have to go to your gainful employment to make a living, eh?
PC: Civic duty, Bottom Feeder.
BF: After a whole night of patrolling, does it bother you not to have issued any citations, to help the Podunk budget, and all?
PC: Not really, no. The Podunk budget doesn't do anything for me anyway. But I don't like wasting my time, I can tell you that.
BF: And if you don't get to exercise your authority by pulling someone over and giving at least one ticket before your voluntary shift is over, would that be a waste of time, as you see it?
PC: I aint out there to fail. I need to catch some speeders. If not, I might as well have slept, ya know?
BF: No more questions.
Jury was out on that one for about 6 minutes. Come back: Not guilty.
Bottom Feeder: I see here that you issued a citation to my client for speedin within the Podunk city limits at 7:48 A.M. Was this your first citation that day?
Podunk cop: Well, it was, but it was more like the first that night. Ya see, I work the graveyard shift: Midnight to 8:00 A.M.
BF: You're a full-time Podunk cop, then?
PC: Well, yeah, I spoze, but I also work as a hod carrier for local masons as my day job. I generally start that at 8:00 A.M.
BF: Do you carry a gun while on duty?
PC: Sho nuff!
BF: Is that a service revolver issued to you by the Podunk PD?
PC: Well, their budget is rather small. It's my own gun, but I had it anyway, before I became a Podunk Patrolman, so...
BF: Does the Podunk PD provide you with a police cruiser?
PC: Naw, I use my personal car while on duty--a '53 Hudson, a real creampuff, I tellya what! I prefer drivin my own car anyway.
BF: Does the PD provide you with gas for your car?
PC: Naw, but I always have gas in it anyway, so I don't need their help with that.
BF: How about that badge you're sporting? They give you that?
PC: Well, they authorized me to buy one with their name on it from the mail order badge catalogue.
BF: But you paid for it yourself?
PC: Yeah. Like I said, the Podunk PD aint got a big budget.
BF: How much are you paid by the Podunk PD?
PC: Paid? It's all volunteer work. I do it out of a sense of civic duty.
BF: So, you're patrolling Podunk for eight hours on this particular night/day, using your own car and your own gas, armed with your own pistol, and wearing a badge you paid for yourself, all for free before you have to go to your gainful employment to make a living, eh?
PC: Civic duty, Bottom Feeder.
BF: After a whole night of patrolling, does it bother you not to have issued any citations, to help the Podunk budget, and all?
PC: Not really, no. The Podunk budget doesn't do anything for me anyway. But I don't like wasting my time, I can tell you that.
BF: And if you don't get to exercise your authority by pulling someone over and giving at least one ticket before your voluntary shift is over, would that be a waste of time, as you see it?
PC: I aint out there to fail. I need to catch some speeders. If not, I might as well have slept, ya know?
BF: No more questions.
Jury was out on that one for about 6 minutes. Come back: Not guilty.
