Now that I think about it, another option is that you are one of those cheap *** cows that gets stuffed with filler like corn, peanut shells, and other shwag. You clearly don't graze on the good stuff.
That elastic around your nuts hurts, doesn't it. It's a shame, but your just not fit for breeding.
Beggars can't be choosers. I've never turned down schwag, nor would I.