Posted 09-02-06 01:11 PM this may not get answered...a bit personal...what made you decide to not become a parent Mike...you seem like u would be a great Dad to me....guess I am so prejudice as love my kids to death and don't know what I would do without em..
Warmly,
Leeza
Posts: 21 | Registered: 08-20-06
mikerowe
Member Posted 09-03-06 02:35 PM Interesting conversation, and a tricky topic.
The question is certainly personal, and hard to answer without casting a subtle judgment on a certain lifestyle, and probably offending a few people. But what the heck? It's a foggy morning in San Francisco, and I'm feeling verbose, and I'm quite sure that a staggering number of Moms and Dads have no business being parents.
As institutions, I have no problem with marriage or parenthood, and I enjoy kids, when they're enjoyable. But the relative ease into which parenthood can be accomplished is breathtaking, especially when you consider the conspicuous lack of qualifications required. Every other undertaking in life demands some level of proven competence or maturity - from driving a car, to owning a gun, to casting a vote, to having a drink, to building a garage on your own property. Such things require licenses, permits, and permissions. But not raising kids. No. The most difficult task a human being can embark upon - the lifelong commitment of parenthood - requires no qualification whatsoever. And yet, the default question regarding having kids is always "Why not?," and not as bluechild suggests, the far more logical, "Why?"
Personally, I've never heard a really compelling, thoughtful argument for or against parenthood. All positions, when closely examined, reveal the clever workings of our true nature. Our minds are wired to justify and defend those decisions already made, or more often, our own pre-existing condition. This is normal, I think. People with families want to feel good about their decision to have kids. And people without kids don’t want to feel as though they missed out. No one likes regret. So, to preserve the illusion of our own wisdom and sanity, we build apologetics around our current situation, and define the road not taken in a way that justifies our current state. Thus, I find myself looking at my married friends, haggard and worn, surrounded by their screaming toddlers and their petulant teenagers, ungrateful and sullen, and I feel a great sense of personal relief. Likewise, my married friends probably see me as a sad and misguided vagabond who has confused freedom with happiness, and destined to wind up alone in a cold, indifferent world.
Whatever. Envy and Pity are often two sides of the same coin, depending on the kind of day you're having. And we all spend too much time looking for validation and assurances that we haven't botched up our one chance at happiness. In the end, we all just want to feel content with the life we have, so we gravitate toward those who share our choices, and look with curiosity upon those who do not. We validate, we affirm, we reassure, and we add another page to a made-up story that helps us live with the consequences of our decisions, and answer questions like “Mike, why no kids?”
Here’s my answer. My reasoning for not having kids is due to the fact that I’m selfish. And if I ever change my mind and decide to have a family, my reasoning will be the same.
Either way, it's a dirty job.
Mike
