What's new
By:
Filters

Your most memorable poos

The Betos Bomb

I ate a delicious greasy burrito at Beto's in Orem and hopped in my car to head to Salt Lake. My stomach turned for the worse in Pleasant Grove but I decided to hold it until I got home. Around the point of the mountain there all of the sudden the traffic came to a screeching hault. I was stuck, no cars were moving. After sitting for 15 min I jumped out to the car off the road and took a huge dump in a plastic bag. I got some nice honks.

The Microwave party

In high school we were at party that was at this kids house that we hated. There were probably 150 people there. We went into the kitchen and found a microwave safe bowl and I took a huge crap in it. Then I put in the microwave...set it on high for 10 min...and we left........the smells from that kitchen are legendary.

Poo Tips

On my mission we were a bunch of pranksters. My favorite prank was wiping my poopy butt with qtips and placing them on the tops of doors. So when you swing the door open then poo tips would come flying down on the top of your head.
 
LazyD said:
An artard friend of mine pooped in the urinal at Pizza Hut around closing time and they went to clean the bathroom right after. The lady came out and said an asked who had '**** in the urinal' and told them to clean it up. The guy who did it didn't say anything for a while, and after the lady pressed a little more he finally got up and said something like, "okay, okay, it wasn't me, but I guess I'll clean it up." Then he continued to say similar things while walking to the bathroom to clean up his dookie. He said he dry-heaved some, but luckily he got there while it was still relatively solid and not all mushy with pee.

What a douche! As if someone other than the ****ter would clean up his ****. He wasn't fooling anyone. Definitely his fault for such ill-timing on his cute, little prank.

*********************

Did a lot of dookie pranks throughout my younger years. One of my good friends was really good at holding in his dookie for days and, I don't know if you've ever done this, but it makes for really big turds. We had one of those containers you get for a chicken strip basket at DQ and he dropped in extra gnarly **** in there one evening in preparation for a prank. It was pitch black, about as thick as a forearm, and just the length of the container. So we hit the town and found an unlucky victim with his driver's door window open and plopped the giant turd right on his front seat.

************

My favorite one was when a couple of my friends took turns pooping in the same paper bag and then put it under the driver's seat of my buddy's car. He smelled it, found it, and emptied it on the windshield of my friend's car who had nothing to do with it. Plus, there was a light drizzle that evening so it was extremely messy.

Maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen though, when he emptied that bag on the windshield. He was just so ****ing pissed about that bag in his car and it's not every day you see someone empy a bag of butt-candy on another guy's windshield.

*********************

We did dookie pranks a lot, some involving mailboxes and ****. Feel free to judge. We were young kids having some fun in Iowa, ****ing Iowa. That's a good excuse.
Click to expand...

Sick individuals. Funny, but sick.
 
Jazzfan0124 said:
Also when you have massive pressure built up and boom, big sigh as it splashes down.
Click to expand...
Except when crapping in an outhouse or portable job site toilet. That is the dreaded **** right there because the blue "water" splashes up on your ***, along with whatever else in in there. Especially if you have to go after the Mexicans. Not trying to be racist, but damn, they leave some super nasty **** in there. The last thing you want is to go in there and see that on top. I generally try to time my work poops to right after the green monster has been cleaned.
 
Beantown said:
Poo Tips

On my mission we were a bunch of pranksters. My favorite prank was wiping my poopy butt with qtips and placing them on the tops of doors. So when you swing the door open then poo tips would come flying down on the top of your head.
Click to expand...
That's not being a prankster. That's being an *******.
 
bigb said:
That's not being a prankster. That's being an *******.
Click to expand...

Disagreed. I don't know who has the better stories in this thread, Downs or TinyD. Both are legendary.

Believe it or not, my friends and I used to be into poo mischief. One night, my best friend and I took turns dooking and whizzing into a five gallon bucket. When we were finished, it was a fairly chunky brew with the constancy of muddy clam chowder. Anyhow, it was 2 or 3 in the morning and we had walked a mile or so to this kids house, who was a real *** wipe, and devised the best way to dispose of our stew. I grabbed the metal handle of the bucket with one hand and the bottom lip of the bucket with the other hand and proceeded to launch our fecal surprise all over *** wipe's front door. Unfortunately, as I was mid launch, and I hope you all can picture how this happened because it's hard to explain, the hand that was on the bottom lip of the bucket slipped off. The momentum of the bucket kept going forward and because I still had hold of the handle, instead of sending the juice forward and out, the whole bucket flipped backward and all two gallons of our combined bodily essence drenched me from head to toe. It was, without a doubt, the most horrifying -- and yet, most hilarious -- thing that has ever happened to me. That was the worst mile run back to my house in the history of mile runs. It was in my hair, my eye lashes, went into my mouth because I couldn't stop laughing/dry heaving, and soaked my shirt and shorts.

Reminds me of the time I was dry/wet dogging a young lady back in the day when I accidentally shot myself in the mouth. Ya, that was a real mood killer.

Great thread, would read again.
 
I did not do the pooping in this story, but I was an accomplice. I was 13-14 and in Junior High. My friend had some sort of a feud with a science teacher, and wanted to get back at him. We had science last period on Friday. I sat in the back and opened one of the windows ajar just a little. Enough that it isn't locked, but you can't really notice unless you're really looking for it. My concern was that the janitor should not notice it when he's cleaning Friday evening. Sunday morning, I took my buddy to Wendy's for their legendary "Burgers-left-over-from-last-nigh-chili." That night, we snuck into the classroom and my friend proceeded to lay one smack dab in the middle of the teacher's desk. We had science first thing Monday morning. It was quite something, I tell ya.

15 years later, I went back to substitute teach for a day. Same classroom. Different desk, I hope.
 
1999. Was deep into chemo, post-surgery at this point, and on heavy pain pills. Was in the hospital for a week undergoing another round, and I hadn't dropped one in over a week. I started getting pretty severe cramping and nausea. My wife called the nurse, a lady that reminded me of a really old Margaret Houlihan from MASH, and she was nice and very businesslike. She came in and first asked when was the last time I had a movement. I told her about a week, and she said we would need to do something about that. She tried a liquid colon flush (why the hell does it censor out n m a?), but it got me nowhere, just kind of spraying out around the solid mass blocking my colon. After trying laxatives and a couple of other pharmaceutical options, she said "well, we might just have to go in there and break things up a bit". She said she had to see another patient first, then she would be back. So about a half hour later a very cute young thing came in the room, a nurse I hadn't seen before in the oncology wing. She was maybe 22, very hot, and had a cute little voice that made me think of puppies and unicorns. She said, "well I hear we might be having some problems making a little poopy...let's see if we can take care of that for you," as she pulled on some rubber gloves. It was a little uncomfortable having this cute young thing rooting around in there trying to break up the blockage with a surprisingly agile and strong tiny little finger, the whole time talking to me like I was a pre-school kid. It might not have been too bad if it had cooperated, but it took a good 10 minutes to get things moving again, then she stood outside the door encouraging me while I dropped a few rabbit pellets in the toilet, and the clapped and had a cute little giggle as I came out and announced I had indeed made a little poopy. One of the most conflicting moments of my life, to be sure. When she was my nurse again a few weeks later it was the first time in my life I was disappointed that I was regular.
 
Excellent thread. No such thing as a tl;dr when pooping is the topic
 
When i was about 13 years old, me and a few friends had a sleepover one night and decided to go toilet papering.
On the way to our target home we were walking past the house of a family that everyone loathed and i had to **** anyways so i called a halt to our toilet papering plan for a few minutes.

I proceeded to **** a brick (almost literally) that was heavy and solid.
I picked it up and threw it at the door of the house expecting a thud and splatter.
Instead the ****brick broke the glass on the screen glass door and smacked the wood door behind it so hard it might have cracked it.

We high tailed it out of there and had a great time toilet papering
 
I love pooping at work while on the clock..... nothing better than getting paid to poop
 
My lifetime of poos have been severely lacking. I've never used my poo as a pranking tool.


#lifeunfulfilled
 
Loving what this thread has become. Much love, gents.
 
If any of you do anything that ends in me or any of my possessions covered in poop, or me having to clean up poop, I swear to all that is Holy that I will punch you in the nuts so hard you will be pissing blood for years.
 
bigb said:
If any of you do anything that ends in me or any of my possessions covered in poop, or me having to clean up poop, I swear to all that is Holy that I will punch you in the nuts so hard you will be pissing blood for years.
Click to expand...

...


First hand look at a real conspiracy theorist.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Top