Erin Andrews - Awarded $55M
- Thread starter Dr. Jones
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ConradA24
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The difference is, telling a woman that she has a pretty smile is A LOT different then telling her to smile so that she'll be pretty.
D
Deleted member 848
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This is the worst possible hope for your daughters, if I'm being honest.
You're saying that the onus is on women to "deal with" verbal abuse. Boys will be boys, amirite guys!! Women are encouraged to 'laugh it off'??
Jesus.
D
Deleted member 848
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and people wonder why most rapes go unreported.
It's because of **** like this. The rampant victim-blaming, dear ****ing God.
None of you spineless dudes would have the bravado to last 16 minutes of cross-examinations, let alone 6+ hours. Pathetic.
It's because of **** like this. The rampant victim-blaming, dear ****ing God.
None of you spineless dudes would have the bravado to last 16 minutes of cross-examinations, let alone 6+ hours. Pathetic.
D
Deleted member 848
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this is rather personal to me as a very good friend of mine was raped, and had to work through the court process in order to get the abuser arrested and convicted (which she succeeded in doing)-- I had to go testify myself.
She is easily the strongest woman (save for my mother) that I've ever met. And do you know what she told me after he was convicted?
"'Dalamon', I can't in good conscious recommend this path for any other woman who's been raped. If I had known it would have been this difficult and damaging, I honestly don't think i would have done it".
She is easily the strongest woman (save for my mother) that I've ever met. And do you know what she told me after he was convicted?
"'Dalamon', I can't in good conscious recommend this path for any other woman who's been raped. If I had known it would have been this difficult and damaging, I honestly don't think i would have done it".
You are exactly on point.
D
Deleted member 848
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again, it's a reminder of the paramount obligation of women to be beautiful. You really need to consider this.
From the moment a girl is born, society will preach to her that being beautiful is more important than anything else. This isn't true for sons.
And it's ********. That's what this is all about.
ConradA24
Well-Known Member
I hope you're being obtuse on purpose.
Most of us know the difference between an innocuous old man making jokes and everyone can think it's funny. BUT, you better make sure that your daughters know the difference between something that everyone can think is funny and comments that are just not okay!
fishonjazz
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I kind of feel like many people in this thread feel like a person should feel a certain way when something bad or uncomfortable happens to them.
FWIW i dont think there is a certain proper way to feel. I just think that there are alternate ways to feel about things and that should be accepted and at times celebrated as well.
Let me ask some of you (dalamon, baby peters, conrad, moe, jazzgal, etc) a question:
I said in this thread that i would want my daughter to be able shrug off something like this (erin andrews videotaping) and move on with it having very little long lasting emotional effect on her. Is that wrong of me to want for her? would it be wrong of her to be able to be ok afterwards? Should i want my daughter to be devastated and lose faith in humanity and need counseling and carry this with her for the rest of her life and turn to drugs and alcohol and eventually killer herself due to the trauma the video caused?
I think its ok and justified that some people feel devastated and traumatized by something like this.... but is there also room in your minds for someone that says "oh well, in the grand scheme of things im not injured, sick, hurt emotionally, and in a coulple years no one remember this ever even happend. And i hawt as **** to boot!" Would that be ok or is that something that should not be allowed in society?
I know nothing is about me or men in general but i have a few things that happened in my life to share. Again, i understand that these things happening to me dont matter and give me no right to have any opinions on anything.
I was raped. I was good friends with girl. One night we went to the club with another guy friend of ours. At the end of the night they were dropping me off at my apartment. She asked if i had anything to drink in my fridge. I lied and said no. She then asked if she could use my bathroom cause she really needed to go bad. I said sure. So she and the other guy came up to use the bathroom.
Right when they came into my apartment she looked into my fridge (didn't even use the bathroom) and saw a box of wine (cause im classy like that). So she gets a glass and starts drinking. I ask them to leave. She tells the other guy to go down and start the car to get it warmed up.
Right when he leaves she jumps on top of me (i was sitting on the couch). She starts kissing on me and im avoiding the best i can. The other friend comes in to get her and sees us on the couch together and so he just turns and leaves. He went home and left her there with me.
She is grabbing me and taking my and her clothes off and i keep telling to stop and i dont want this.
Well it turns out that (pardon my language) i couldnt get hard so i thought to myself that was a good thing since it wont be able to go any further and i told her so. I said look, it aint even possible so please get up and i will take you home.
She pushes me back and says "I will take care of that problem" and proceeds to fellate me (is that the right term? Im trying not to be to perverse).
It does work. Then she climbs on and im still telling her no, i dont want this.
After the deed she sleeps in my bed and i take her home the next day. I was not happy about what had happened. I felt like a piece of meat and felt used. However i didnt let it make me lose faith in humanity or think all girls are like that or lose trust in women or make me depressed or whatever. I moved on. Enjoyed my life. Didn't get depressed. Didn't seek counseling.
Another time i was dropped off at a gas station near my house at 03:00 by a taxi and went in to use the ATM to get money to pay for the taxi ride. I withdrew a couple hundred bucks and went and paid the taxi and figured i would walk the rest of the way home. (it was only a few blocks)
Well, some guys must have saw me use the ATM. As im walking home i get hit in the back of the head from behind. 3 guys (i assume they were crackheads) attacked me and i fought back as good as i could (i think i broke one of thier noses) but im pretty certain that these dudes were on something. I hit a dude so hard in the face with a great punch that dropped him and hopped back up like it was nothin... Any way i got tired out and went to the ground and they kicked me a few more times and then took my money and ran off.
The next morning my roommate woke me up very concerned cause i had blood all over me from my mouth and two black eyes. (Some cracked ribs too)
It was pretty traumatic but i went to work the next day and im not scared to walk alone at night to this day. I didn't let it mess with me long term and dont have nightmares or see a counseler about it. Im fine.
Is that looked as the wrong way to feel and react to a situation like that?
I think that it is very wrong to film someone naked without permission. I think that is a major violation. I think the dude should go to prison. I will never do something like that. I have had girlfriends send me nude photos. I am the only on to have viewed them.
I think it sucks for Erin that she is so shaken and devastated by this act. I hope she gets the help she needs and can eventually get past this and be a happy person.
Would it be ok though if she was not traumatized? Would there be criticism by people that she was not appropriatley upset and offended?
FWIW i dont think there is a certain proper way to feel. I just think that there are alternate ways to feel about things and that should be accepted and at times celebrated as well.
Let me ask some of you (dalamon, baby peters, conrad, moe, jazzgal, etc) a question:
I said in this thread that i would want my daughter to be able shrug off something like this (erin andrews videotaping) and move on with it having very little long lasting emotional effect on her. Is that wrong of me to want for her? would it be wrong of her to be able to be ok afterwards? Should i want my daughter to be devastated and lose faith in humanity and need counseling and carry this with her for the rest of her life and turn to drugs and alcohol and eventually killer herself due to the trauma the video caused?
I think its ok and justified that some people feel devastated and traumatized by something like this.... but is there also room in your minds for someone that says "oh well, in the grand scheme of things im not injured, sick, hurt emotionally, and in a coulple years no one remember this ever even happend. And i hawt as **** to boot!" Would that be ok or is that something that should not be allowed in society?
I know nothing is about me or men in general but i have a few things that happened in my life to share. Again, i understand that these things happening to me dont matter and give me no right to have any opinions on anything.
I was raped. I was good friends with girl. One night we went to the club with another guy friend of ours. At the end of the night they were dropping me off at my apartment. She asked if i had anything to drink in my fridge. I lied and said no. She then asked if she could use my bathroom cause she really needed to go bad. I said sure. So she and the other guy came up to use the bathroom.
Right when they came into my apartment she looked into my fridge (didn't even use the bathroom) and saw a box of wine (cause im classy like that). So she gets a glass and starts drinking. I ask them to leave. She tells the other guy to go down and start the car to get it warmed up.
Right when he leaves she jumps on top of me (i was sitting on the couch). She starts kissing on me and im avoiding the best i can. The other friend comes in to get her and sees us on the couch together and so he just turns and leaves. He went home and left her there with me.
She is grabbing me and taking my and her clothes off and i keep telling to stop and i dont want this.
Well it turns out that (pardon my language) i couldnt get hard so i thought to myself that was a good thing since it wont be able to go any further and i told her so. I said look, it aint even possible so please get up and i will take you home.
She pushes me back and says "I will take care of that problem" and proceeds to fellate me (is that the right term? Im trying not to be to perverse).
It does work. Then she climbs on and im still telling her no, i dont want this.
After the deed she sleeps in my bed and i take her home the next day. I was not happy about what had happened. I felt like a piece of meat and felt used. However i didnt let it make me lose faith in humanity or think all girls are like that or lose trust in women or make me depressed or whatever. I moved on. Enjoyed my life. Didn't get depressed. Didn't seek counseling.
Another time i was dropped off at a gas station near my house at 03:00 by a taxi and went in to use the ATM to get money to pay for the taxi ride. I withdrew a couple hundred bucks and went and paid the taxi and figured i would walk the rest of the way home. (it was only a few blocks)
Well, some guys must have saw me use the ATM. As im walking home i get hit in the back of the head from behind. 3 guys (i assume they were crackheads) attacked me and i fought back as good as i could (i think i broke one of thier noses) but im pretty certain that these dudes were on something. I hit a dude so hard in the face with a great punch that dropped him and hopped back up like it was nothin... Any way i got tired out and went to the ground and they kicked me a few more times and then took my money and ran off.
The next morning my roommate woke me up very concerned cause i had blood all over me from my mouth and two black eyes. (Some cracked ribs too)
It was pretty traumatic but i went to work the next day and im not scared to walk alone at night to this day. I didn't let it mess with me long term and dont have nightmares or see a counseler about it. Im fine.
Is that looked as the wrong way to feel and react to a situation like that?
I think that it is very wrong to film someone naked without permission. I think that is a major violation. I think the dude should go to prison. I will never do something like that. I have had girlfriends send me nude photos. I am the only on to have viewed them.
I think it sucks for Erin that she is so shaken and devastated by this act. I hope she gets the help she needs and can eventually get past this and be a happy person.
Would it be ok though if she was not traumatized? Would there be criticism by people that she was not appropriatley upset and offended?
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fishonjazz
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The difference is, telling a woman that she has a pretty smile is A LOT different then telling her to smile so that she'll be pretty.
Good distinction. Makes sense.
Kind of like a back handed compliment
fishonjazz
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Are you saying that he should hope that his daughter gets devastated and her life gets ruined and one day she commits suicide?
Its not ok for me to want my daughter to be able to handle offensive stuff with ease and have it not effect her very much?
Joe Bagadonuts
Well-Known Member
Saying that we don't need to make a big deal about these sorts of comments is not like saying that I am pro-rape. There is clearly a sexual dynamic between men and women and I don't think it makes sense to try to eradicate it. You will never succeed, and a large percentage of the people wouldn't want you to. It can be appropriate and positive for both sides, it can inadvertently go to far for one party, and it can obviously even go into criminal territory. It's challenging to draw that line of where criminal starts. I think any cause can be taken too far. Some people apparently don't feel that way.