How does this happen in a civilised society?

[Miggs]

This stuff is so tough. I have one daughter that struggles with depression and is this same age. Kids are cruel. There is only so much teachers and staff can do to help... I'll be honest... when she has struggled most we do all we can to help her but I feel terrified that we have so little control once she's out in the world. We have been lucky/blessed that when we've asked for help from coaches, counselors, and teachers that there seems to be response and in some cases some kids have changed behavior. I can't imagine the hurt this girl felt and the pain her family gets to endure. Just a true tragedy.

I’m very sorry, HH. My brother, who committed suicide a little over ten years ago, was, I think, bullied some when he was younger. Not sure about high school but in middle school and before some. And my mother said he was always very serious from a young age. Didn’t smile much. Which is funny because he did, and had movie star qualities, at an older age. Idk. I worry about it too with my own children. It runs in the family. So I’m very sorry about your daughter. I think all you can do is support, love and raise her to the best of your ability. Not sure how she is with social media but that **** is the worst. I will literally fight tooth and nail for our children not to have cell phones until they are at least a little older—8th or 9th grade—and that they have no social media accounts. We already have a large group of parents that is relatively close and talk to one another and I think should be able to stay on top of that ****.

 

[Handlogten's Heros]

I’m very sorry, HH. My brother, who committed suicide a little over ten years ago, was, I think, bullied some when he was younger. Not sure about high school but in middle school and before some. And my mother said he was always very serious from a young age. Didn’t smile much. Which is funny because he did, and had movie star qualities, at an older age. Idk. I worry about it too with my own children. It runs in the family. So I’m very sorry about your daughter. I think all you can do is support, love and raise her to the best of your ability. Not sure how she is with social media but that **** is the worst. I will literally fight tooth and nail for our children not to have cell phones until they are at least a little older—8th or 9th grade—and that they have no social media accounts. We already have a large group of parents that is relatively close and talk to one another and I think should be able to stay on top of that ****.

Thanks man. She's doing better... its something we have to be mindful of and try not to get so busy that we don't check for the signs. Luckily she is great at letting us know when she is sad. Even though sometimes she can't quite grasp why she is sad. She has outlets and the bullying has been more of the "regular" variety. She had a long time friend that got to middle school and just decided she was too cool for her. Its ironic because when they became friends (at 2 years old) her friend could barely speak to other kids she was so painfully shy. They were almost like sisters... so that kinda started the tailspin. She has made new friends that are so much better for her... every few weeks she breaks down... its usually because someone called her fat or teased her about her makeup/clothes or the old friend did something purposefully hurtful. Its normal stuff but I have hears so many stories like your brother that I wasn't ****ing around with it. She is dramatic and emotional... so sometimes its hard to vet what is real and what is just her being a pre-teen. We have her in therapy and we make sure we are extremely patient with her and check in as much as possible.

Social media is 100% a no... may not let them do it ever. I can't imagine having her out there with her insecurities and the ****** people on there. Not happening.

Sorry to hear about your brother and thanks for sharing. Its all too common and its just devastating.

 

[Miggs]

Thanks man. She's doing better... its something we have to be mindful of and try not to get so busy that we don't check for the signs. Luckily she is great at letting us know when she is sad. Even though sometimes she can't quite grasp why she is sad. She has outlets and the bullying has been more of the "regular" variety. She had a long time friend that got to middle school and just decided she was too cool for her. Its ironic because when they became friends (at 2 years old) her friend could barely speak to other kids she was so painfully shy. They were almost like sisters... so that kinda started the tailspin. She has made new friends that are so much better for her... every few weeks she breaks down... its usually because someone called her fat or teased her about her makeup/clothes or the old friend did something purposefully hurtful. Its normal stuff but I have hears so many stories like your brother that I wasn't ****ing around with it. She is dramatic and emotional... so sometimes its hard to vet what is real and what is just her being a pre-teen. We have her in therapy and we make sure we are extremely patient with her and check in as much as possible.

Social media is 100% a no... may not let them do it ever. I can't imagine having her out there with her insecurities and the ****** people on there. Not happening.

Sorry to hear about your brother and thanks for sharing. Its all too common and its just devastating.

I got bullied a little when a I was freshman in high school. I was small—5’1”, 98 pounds. Went to a high school that was about half black. Decent amount Hispanic. It didn’t bother me. I knew I’d grow—I’m 6’2” now. I knew I’d do well academically, go to college, have a real career. And that many of the knuckleheads would be stuck in the same ******** of a town. So the bullying, and it was fairly minimal, didn’t bother me much. I sort of laughed about it a little tbh; it was harmless and sort of a rite of passage.

Now, it’s just girls being cold twats, trying to destroy other girl’s lives. It can be tough I’m sure.

Usually, with my students who come to me, I bluntly but casually tell them, “Don’t stress. Kids say stupid ****. They can’t help it. In four years, you’ll never see them again.” Now, obviously kids who seem more than just a bit upset who come to are sent by me to their counselor. Thankfully, our school does not have much bullying. I think there’s a sort of humbled quality to the kids since they’re impoverished. 95% are on free or reduced lunch.

Anyway, all this is a large part of why I want to retire in 6+ years. I’ll have my 25 years in just as my oldest is hitting high school. Life is crazy and I have just three kids. You have four iirc. bigb is the poster child for this and deserves a Purple Heart or something. But personally, I’d like to take a step back, collect my pension, maybe work 15 hours a week while the kids are at school, to supplement the income, and most importantly be there for them in all ways in a more calming environment.

 

[Handlogten's Heros]

I got bullied a little when a I was freshman in high school. I was small—5’1”, 98 pounds. Went to a high school that was about half black. Decent amount Hispanic. It didn’t bother me. I knew I’d grow—I’m 6’2” now. I knew I’d do well academically, go to college, have a real career. And that many of the knuckleheads would be stuck in the same ******** of a town. So the bullying, and it was fairly minimal, didn’t bother me much. I sort of laughed about it a little tbh; it was harmless and sort of a rite of passage.

Now, it’s just girls being cold twats, trying to destroy other girl’s lives. It can be tough I’m sure.

Usually, with my students who come to me, I bluntly but casually tell them, “Don’t stress. Kids say stupid ****. They can’t help it. In four years, you’ll never see them again.” Now, obviously kids who seem more than just a bit upset who come to are sent by me to their counselor. Thankfully, our school does not have much bullying. I think there’s a sort of humbled quality to the kids since they’re impoverished. 95% are on free or reduced lunch.

Anyway, all this is a large part of why I want to retire in 6+ years. I’ll have my 25 years in just as my oldest is hitting high school. Life is crazy and I have just three kids. You have four iirc. bigb is the poster child for this and deserves a Purple Heart or something. But personally, I’d like to take a step back, collect my pension, maybe work 15 hours a week while the kids are at school, to supplement the income, and most importantly be there for them in all ways in a more calming environment.

Yeah the girls are different. The perspective thing is true but its tough because she can't see past next week at times. We are trying our best to help her develop more toughness and facilitate an attitude of "who the hell cares what so and so thinks". Its just a struggle. I'd say our struggles are very mild compared to what other parents and kids deal with... its just such a helpless feeling at times.

 

[Miggs]

Yeah the girls are different. The perspective thing is true but its tough because she can't see past next week at times. We are trying our best to help her develop more toughness and facilitate an attitude of "who the hell cares what so and so thinks". Its just a struggle. I'd say our struggles are very mild compared to what other parents and kids deal with... its just such a helpless feeling at times.

I get it, brotha. I do. I never worried about this ****. Ever. And then my brother offed himself. And now, with my own children, I worry about this **** way more than I should considering our oldest is only 7. Genetics and all. Hopefully they all have my wife’s disposition.

Ever tell her to make snide comments back? Like, “Hey, nice flat chest, titless.” Or, “Gonna be a whore like your mother?” Really crude **** like that back to the girls dishing it.

 

[Miggs]

@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.

 

[LogGrad98]

@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.

We did this with all of our kids. Had a monthly date night for one kid each month with both of us, then we each took turns taking a single kid out for 1 on 1 time each month. I think it really makes a difference.

 

[Handlogten's Heros]

@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.

For sure… doesn’t even have to be a date. Sometimes I’ll just be headed to run an errand and I’ll grab one of the kids to come with me. Being noticed and given attention is something she responds really well to. Or just hanging out with her for 15 minutes listening to music before she goes to sleep and talking.

 

[LogGrad98]

@Handlogten's Heros

One thing I do with my oldest (again, she’s just seven but still) is take her out for one on one time. Take her out doing something she enjoys. Then take her out for dinner together and talk to her. She beams and eats it up and really loves that special daddy-daughter time. I feel like sometimes she gets left behind because of our younger two and I try to do this a couple times a year to show her how much she means to me.

Not providing anything each shattering here and I realize your daughter is older. But those “dates” are invaluable IMO.

Your oldest is the same age as my granddaughter. Damn I'm old.

 

[infection]

Your oldest is the same age as my granddaughter. Damn I'm old.

That’s okay. I’m sure everyone here assumes you’re younger than theejazzfan.

 

[LogGrad98]

That’s okay. I’m sure everyone here assumes you’re younger than theejazzfan.

I sure hope so. Now get off my lawn.

I will say this, today I had the bottomless root-beer float at red Robin to go with my dinosaur nuggets.

 

[Goodluckchuck]

Growing up I was always the one protecting the kids bullies picked on. I grew up bigger and than anyone in elementary and jr high. Wasn’t til high school where everyone caught up to me and I level out. But I hated bullies. I would literally try to get one to “pick on someone their own size” but they never would. To this day. Seeing hate boils my blood. Doesn’t matter if it’s race, sex, or religion. Even this political **** drives me insane. All hate is evil in my eyes. And this poor girl is a victim of that said hate.