Stupid Pet Peeves

[Darkwing Duck]

Good point. It was actually a male nurse. He gave me some reason for the alternative injection site. All I know is I didn't feel a thing.

So very quick and you didn't feel a thing.

Describes some people around here.

 

[Scat]

Women and plastic containers... for a long time our "Tupperware" collection was just that. A few pieces from when we got married. A few more pieces over the years. An assortment of containers that food comes in like sour cream, cottage cheese, etc. Nothing matched and our cupboard was a disaster with containers just crammed in where ever they would fit. I got frustrated one night unloading the dishwasher trying to put a bunch of containers away. Got on the computer and found this on Amazon:

I ordered three of them with dreams of our container cupboard looking something like this:

I wanted to surprise my wife so didn't tell her. The Rubbermaid came, I threw out every container we had (with a few exceptions) and neatly stacked the new Rubbermaid in its place with extra room to spare. I was able to put a couple of the appliances on our counter that we rarely use (if ever) in the cupboard creating more counter space. What a win, right? Wrong! She said she appreciated the thought and did like the new Rubbermaid but was upset that I had gotten rid of so many perfectly good containers. Now, 5 years later we still have a great collection of Rubbermaid as well as cottage cheese containers, sour cream containers, deli containers...

 

[fishonjazz]

Women and plastic containers... for a long time our "Tupperware" collection was just that. A few pieces from when we got married. A few more pieces over the years. An assortment of containers that food comes in like sour cream, cottage cheese, etc. Nothing matched and our cupboard was a disaster with containers just crammed in where ever they would fit. I got frustrated one night unloading the dishwasher trying to put a bunch of containers away. Got on the computer and found this on Amazon:

I ordered three of them with dreams of our container cupboard looking something like this:

I wanted to surprise my wife so didn't tell her. The Rubbermaid came, I threw out every container we had (with a few exceptions) and neatly stacked the new Rubbermaid in its place with extra room to spare. I was able to put a couple of the appliances on our counter that we rarely use (if ever) in the cupboard creating more counter space. What a win, right? Wrong! She said she appreciated the thought and did like the new Rubbermaid but was upset that I had gotten rid of so many perfectly good containers. Now, 5 years later we still have a great collection of Rubbermaid as well as cottage cheese containers, sour cream containers, deli containers...

You could just put “women and buying/wanting tons of crap you dont need.”
At least in my case anyway. For instance, we have 12 spatulas (i literally just went and counted). If it were up to me i would have 1.
And thats how it is in my entire house.


Sent from my iPad using JazzFanz mobile app

 

[LogGrad98]

You could just put “women and buying/wanting tons of crap you dont need.”
At least in my case anyway. For instance, we have 12 spatulas (i literally just went and counted). If it were up to me i would have 1.
And thats how it is in my entire house.


Sent from my iPad using JazzFanz mobile app

Phillistine.

 

[One Brow]

Salt and pepper shakers having holes that are the same size.

 

[LogGrad98]

Salt and pepper shakers having holes that are the same size.

Always use grinders at home. The most frustrating of this for me is when the pepper won't come out at all. I can deal with the salt flowing heavier, I test for that before just shaking away. But when I have to open the damn thing up to get any pepper out of it that is irritating as hell.

 

[LogGrad98]

Adventures in irritable bowel...


Ever try to hold in some nice diarrhea while also trying to empty your bladder? Next to impossible, but I supposed it makes for some laughs...from other people.


So I go into the men's room, running to another meeting, needing most urgently to let that burrito out, IBS-style, and also needing to pee like a racehorse, where of course both stalls are occupado. I think quickly...I can survive the meeting with diarrhea because sitting helps plug that up...it will be a mad dash to the bathroom afterward, but at least for that hour I will just be in discomfort, bowel-stretching discomfort, but doable. But I had to pee so bad I knew I would end up flooding the dance floor, so to speak. So I stood at the urinal, unzipped, and proceeded to go through the weirdest dance known to man.

See, you can't really pee, if you desperately have to poop. It just can't be done. Well, to be clear, it can, but it goes something like this.

First you relax that good ole pelvic floor just enough to get the flow going, push a little so a reasonable amount gets out under pressure so you don't piss all down the front of your pants, and before you have to close up the flood gates. So you get a nice healthy squirt, then shut things down quick! Then you gotta hold on while it all rolls back up the old chocolate river and resets so you can do that again. In the meantime, that **** hurts, literally, so you get a little cramp followed by the unsettling feeling of liquid poo roiling around in your guts until it settles back down. This draws a fully involuntary grunt, like a baby pig, followed by a moan not unlike a cow getting a prostate exam. But I am gonna be late, gotta hurry. So we do it again. Let a little out, rolls back up, grunt like a pig, moan like a cow. Then the dance progresses as you get into a nice rhythm. Squirt, hold, grunt, moo....squirt, hold, grunt, moo....squirt, hold, grunt, moo....and you don't even realize what is happening until you hear the stifled giggles from both of the 2 stalls and realize someone is enjoying your little symphony of misery, So you try to speed up the pace. Now you are leaving the barn door open a tad too long, the risk of overflow is great, so you swear a little under your breath. So now you get squirt, hold, grunt, moo, "dammit"....squirt, hold, grunt, moo, "dammit". You go through what feels like, you know, a full year of this, until you feel you have moved enough out of your bladder to avoid a full five-alarm emergency later, and, amidst the muffled giggles in the stalls, you zip, wash, dry, and waddle to the next meeting, hoping the inevitable soak-through in the heart of your *** is only dime-sized and not looking like an elephant footprint in the mud.

Fun times.

 

[fishonjazz]

Adventures in irritable bowel...


Ever try to hold in some nice diarrhea while also trying to empty your bladder? Next to impossible, but I supposed it makes for some laughs...from other people.


So I go into the men's room, running to another meeting, needing most urgently to let that burrito out, IBS-style, and also needing to pee like a racehorse, where of course both stalls are occupado. I think quickly...I can survive the meeting with diarrhea because sitting helps plug that up...it will be a mad dash to the bathroom afterward, but at least for that hour I will just be in discomfort, bowel-stretching discomfort, but doable. But I had to pee so bad I knew I would end up flooding the dance floor, so to speak. So I stood at the urinal, unzipped, and proceeded to go through the weirdest dance known to man.

See, you can't really pee, if you desperately have to poop. It just can't be done. Well, to be clear, it can, but it goes something like this.

First you relax that good ole pelvic floor just enough to get the flow going, push a little so a reasonable amount gets out under pressure so you don't piss all down the front of your pants, and before you have to close up the flood gates. So you get a nice healthy squirt, then shut things down quick! Then you gotta hold on while it all rolls back up the old chocolate river and resets so you can do that again. In the meantime, that **** hurts, literally, so you get a little cramp followed by the unsettling feeling of liquid poo roiling around in your guts until it settles back down. This draws a fully involuntary grunt, like a baby pig, followed by a moan not unlike a cow getting a prostate exam. But I am gonna be late, gotta hurry. So we do it again. Let a little out, rolls back up, grunt like a pig, moan like a cow. Then the dance progresses as you get into a nice rhythm. Squirt, hold, grunt, moo....squirt, hold, grunt, moo....squirt, hold, grunt, moo....and you don't even realize what is happening until you hear the stifled giggles from both of the 2 stalls and realize someone is enjoying your little symphony of misery, So you try to speed up the pace. Now you are leaving the barn door open a tad too long, the risk of overflow is great, so you swear a little under your breath. So now you get squirt, hold, grunt, moo, "dammit"....squirt, hold, grunt, moo, "dammit". You go through what feels like, you know, a full year of this, until you feel you have moved enough out of your bladder to avoid a full five-alarm emergency later, and, amidst the muffled giggles in the stalls, you zip, wash, dry, and waddle to the next meeting, hoping the inevitable soak-through in the heart of your *** is only dime-sized and not looking like an elephant footprint in the mud.

Fun times.

Post of the thread.
lol.

 

[Gameface]

I look forward to the next installment in LogGrad's bathroom adventures.

 

[LogGrad98]

I look forward to the next installment in LogGrads bathroom adventures.

And I don't.

 

[Gameface]

And I don't.

You're gonna need to take a number two for the team.

 

[JazzGal]

Glad I'm a girl.

Sent from my moto z3 using JazzFanz mobile app