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You know what this forum needs? PICS.

How the hell did you end up with her? Do you have something you're blackmailing her with?
 
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The Moses family minus our little guy.

Here he is.

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Merik Moses!
 
How tall is your wife Archie? Hard to tell from sitting down, but she looks like she might be pushing 6'0". I'll take a wild guess and say your kids won't be complaining about their height(or lack thereof) when they're older.
 
Are you seriously walking around the city barefoot? Is Utah that clean?

For what it's worth, yes, Salt Lake is that clean. I've been to a number of large cities and it is near the top. My company also participated in a large trade convention in Salt Lake a few years ago and that was one of the most frequent comments I heard, how clean Salt Lake is compared to other large cities.
 
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