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Am I wrong?

Chris-L said:
I don't know for sure, but most of the theories you guys are throwing out have a bit of truth to them. She has been hanging out with new friends the last 6 months-year. The kind of people that aren't doing **** with their lives, but are fun to party with. And I think she misses that. She doesn't want to be tied down. I don't think there is another man she has feelings for. It's just frustrating. So much pain and suffering over something so stupid. I honestly believe she will want me back in a few years when she gets it out of her system, but it will be too late. Such a shame for my children.
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Few years? After reading this and some of your other posts I'm thinking a few months. I could be wrong but I think I'm starting to understand your wife. She had kid early in life - probably way before she was prepared. While she loves her kids she feels she missed out a part of her life. She goes to school and meets people - people with much less responsibilities than her. She meets a few guys who flirt with her and that makes her feel good about herself. Those feelings lead to delusions that she can be one of them and lead the lives they lead. But that ship has sailed and sooner or later (probably sooner) she's going to become reacquainted with that fact. When that happens she's going to want you back. I don't know how old your wife is but I've read about mid-twenties crisis - it sounds a lot like that.

Good luck.
 
candrew said:
Few years? After reading this and some of your other posts I'm thinking a few months. I could be wrong but I think I'm starting to understand your wife. She had kid early in life - probably way before she was prepared. While she loves her kids she feels she missed out a part of her life. She goes to school and meets people - people with much less responsibilities than her. She meets a few guys who flirt with her and that makes her feel good about herself. Those feelings lead to delusions that she can be one of them and lead the lives they lead. But that ship has sailed and sooner or later (probably sooner) she's going to become reacquainted with that fact. When that happens she's going to want you back. I don't know how old your wife is but I've read about mid-twenties crisis - it sounds a lot like that.

Good luck.
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On the other hand, what happens when she reaches 30.40, 50 and has crises. Does she again bail on whoever her husband or BF is at the time. It hurts; I had the same feeling that my ex would come to me after she woke up. And she did. Then she disappeared. Then she came back. I finally realized she wasn't coming back for love; she was coming back because she was either empty after a breakup or needed money (or both).
 
MoTown16 said:
On the other hand, what happens when she reaches 30.40, 50 and has crises. Does she again bail on whoever her husband or BF is at the time. It hurts; I had the same feeling that my ex would come to me after she woke up. And she did. Then she disappeared. Then she came back. I finally realized she wasn't coming back for love; she was coming back because she was either empty after a breakup or needed money (or both).
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You could very well be right. But I was just giving my take on the situation - I'm not advocating that Chris take her back. Ultimately that's his decision.
 
She is doing you a favor. Run for the hills. You must get a lawyer to minimize the financial impact on yourself going forward and to try to get as much time with the kids as possible. You made a huge mistake marrying her and having kids with her, now you must cut your losses quickly and as efficiently as possible.

This type of women is not that uncommon. She is a train wreck. Always has been, always will be. She has some significant psychological issues.

You probably should get some counseling for yourself to figure out your role in this entire saga so as to not repeat the process going forward.


You never mentioned this, or at least I missed it, did she complete her degree? What level? What field of study?
 
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The Pearl said:
She is doing you a favor. Run for the hills. You must get a lawyer to minimize the financial impact on yourself going forward and to try to get as much time with the kids as possible. You made a huge mistake marrying her and having kids with her, now you must cut your losses quickly and as efficiently as possible.

This type of women is not that uncommon. She is a train wreck. Always has been, always will be. She has some significant psychological issues.

You probably should get some counseling for yourself to figure out your role in this entire saga so as to not repeat the process going forward.


You never mentioned this, or at least I missed it, did she complete her degree? What level? What field of study?
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Not gonna disagree with most of this, but no matter how bad things get with the divorce, I will always have her to thank for my children. Nothing I wouldn't go through for them. And I knew what I was getting into when I married her. she is a beautiful person. she's not prefect, but neither am I. She has always had to put in a lot more work than the rest of us just to make it through the day. Breaks my heart that she has given up on that. She has her associates degree, and one more year of school left in her post grad program.
 
I admire your attitude, Chris-L. It's not wrong to wish the best for your "soon-to-be" ex and be grateful for the happier times you shared with her. And yes, you DO have her to thank for your children. That said, looking out for yourself and your interests during the divorce proceedings is neither a sign of selfishness nor uncaring. Sounds like the divorce was her idea, not yours. And as such, you can be sure she's trying to take as much as she can, either through her own selfishness or on the advice of others. Protect yourself or she'll leave you in a hole you may never dig out of.
 
babe said:
money isn't worth fighting for, nor is a kid.

yes, you have a relationship with the kids. Tell them you love them and that you will do anything you can to help, but it's all gonna be in their mom's hands. Leave it at that. Let the kids and the mom figure out what to do with that.
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the kids are the one thing worth fighting for

if he lets them go without a "fight" they could get jerked around at the least, and be in danger at the worst...I don't think a willingness to walk away will look like a sign of love to the kids...just the opposite.

if this is a negotiation between the two of them he could offer to take the kids off her hands while she "finds herself"...like he is doing her a favor
 
PearlWatson said:
the kids are the one thing worth fighting for

if he lets them go without a "fight" they could get jerked around at the least, and be in danger at the worst...I don't think a willingness to walk away will look like a sign of love to the kids...just the opposite.

if this is a negotiation between the two of them he could offer to take the kids off her hands while she "finds herself"...like he is doing her a favor
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Context. I struggled with this portion of babes post too... I was trying to giving the benefit.....
 
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