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Your most memorable poos

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Deleted member 848

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As I sit here at 12am on a school night, suffering through a rather unforgiving bout of the runs, I am prompted in seeking companionship-- or common ground, if you will-- with my Jazzfanz brethren.

Feel free to share stories. Not pictures.


Sent from the JazzFanz app
 
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My friend quit his job at the grocery store in high school and then dropped a big deuce right outside the front door later that night.
 
I could post pictures on here that would change your thoughts on ****s forever. My body has pumped out legendary fecal bombs.
 
I went this party at one of my ex's, my friend told me I should, so I took a dump in the tank of her toilet. Was the most awkwardly difficult, yet satisfying poo I ever did take.
 
Tony said:
I went this party at one of my ex's, my friend told me I should, so I took a dump in the tank of her toilet. Was the most awkwardly difficult, yet satisfying poo I ever did take.
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An upperdecker. Nice. Popular at parties.
 
p1040226.JPG
 
Just the other day I dropped a fantastic one. My wife walked in as I was using the plunger. She made a remark about too much tp. The bad news was, there was no tp. My **** alone clogged the toilet.
 
Last time this came up I posted a picture. I got fract'd for that. :(

Sent from the JazzFanz app
 
bigb said:
The bad news was, there was no tp. My **** alone clogged the toilet.
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Just gonna rinse it off in the shower eh?

Good call, eco friendly.
 
One time I had diarrhea (recurring theme) that I got from food-poisoning, when I was travelling with my family in Europe. I got it the day before our flight was scheduled to leave from Zurich.

I was 12 years old, and I simply had no control. When I got up from our rented car (en-route to dropping it off), there was a puddle under my ***. Had to change my clothing.

We walked into the airport, I started ****ting myself again, so I went to the washroom, and my mom went to the only clothing store and bought a women's 29 waist-sized jeans.

I used these jeans, carrying them well above my waist, zig-zagging from washroom to washroom, constitutively ****ting myself every 15 minutes or so.
 
ElRoach0 said:
Last time this came up I posted a picture. I got fract'd for that. :(

Sent from the JazzFanz app
Click to expand...

One time I had a third infraction, resulting in a one-week ban. As soon as my ban ended, I started a "Post pics of your poo thread", including a pic of one of my deuces that looked like a penis.

I received my fourth infraction later that afternoon.
 
back in the 9th grade I **** inside a grocery bag, and tied it to the side view mirror of my least favourite teacher's car.
 
On a dinner date with my now wife when I drank a little too much Dr. Pepper a.k.a. Intestine Drano With A Tube Squeeqee. The nectar of the gods is guaranteed to come with a price...

We headed out to a movie or something when the gurgling hit my guts like lightening pursuing revenge. Never before or since have I had that much pressure suddenly well up in me like the BP Deepwater Horizon wanting to explode. Poor Jamba Juice was the closest pee hole so I swerved in, slammed on the breaks, and shut the truck down leaving the keys in the ignition as I jerked my door open. My gf was asking what I was doing but I couldn't breathe enough to answer her, so I jumped out and did the pinch and waddle inside and right past the customer empty Jamba Juice with 6-7 workers staring at me.

I almost made it to the hole. Almost. I dropped trou and planned to assume the position when BOOM toilet destroyed. I **** everywhere! On the toilet, in the toilet, on the wall behind, on the floor.... every freaking where behind me was covered in enchilada soup. Being the well-intentioned person I am, I tried my best to clean up the A bomb's aftermath with what little supplies were available. After flushing the remainder of the only two rolls of tp I had gotten nowhere with no supplies left, so I washed my hands and did my walk of shame past the 6-7 poor workers who would soon draw straws to clean up the civil war that had escaped my body. They stared at me like I was on a catwalk. Upon discovery, they knew the culprit...

Luckily we had been dating a few years at this point because time was the difference between my gf dying laughing at the story or never talking to me again.
 
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An artard friend of mine pooped in the urinal at Pizza Hut around closing time and they went to clean the bathroom right after. The lady came out and said an asked who had '**** in the urinal' and told them to clean it up. The guy who did it didn't say anything for a while, and after the lady pressed a little more he finally got up and said something like, "okay, okay, it wasn't me, but I guess I'll clean it up." Then he continued to say similar things while walking to the bathroom to clean up his dookie. He said he dry-heaved some, but luckily he got there while it was still relatively solid and not all mushy with pee.

What a douche! As if someone other than the ****ter would clean up his ****. He wasn't fooling anyone. Definitely his fault for such ill-timing on his cute, little prank.

*********************

Did a lot of dookie pranks throughout my younger years. One of my good friends was really good at holding in his dookie for days and, I don't know if you've ever done this, but it makes for really big turds. We had one of those containers you get for a chicken strip basket at DQ and he dropped in extra gnarly **** in there one evening in preparation for a prank. It was pitch black, about as thick as a forearm, and just the length of the container. So we hit the town and found an unlucky victim with his driver's door window open and plopped the giant turd right on his front seat.

************

My favorite one was when a couple of my friends took turns pooping in the same paper bag and then put it under the driver's seat of my buddy's car. He smelled it, found it, and emptied it on the windshield of my friend's car who had nothing to do with it. Plus, there was a light drizzle that evening so it was extremely messy.

Maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen though, when he emptied that bag on the windshield. He was just so ****ing pissed about that bag in his car and it's not every day you see someone empy a bag of butt-candy on another guy's windshield.

*********************

We did dookie pranks a lot, some involving mailboxes and ****. Feel free to judge. We were young kids having some fun in Iowa, ****ing Iowa. That's a good excuse.
 
In my sophomore year of high school I walked into the bathroom and found the following scene:

Written, in poop, in foot-high letters was "E-A-T S-H-I". Then, there was the poop crayon dropped on the floor below, and next to it a pool of vomit. The dude just couldn't finish the job.


One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
 
I enjoy it when they slide right out and the first piece of toilet paper comes out of the canyon free of stains. So clean. Also when you have massive pressure built up and boom, big sigh as it splashes down. On the other end of the spectrum, when you take a big slimy deuce, that requires half a roll minimum to clean, those suck. Especially when the second you stand up you realize that you still have to ****. So you sit back down and watdya know, the other half of the roll of toilet paper gets demolished soon after.


Dat app doe.
 
This one time I was in a Café Toilet and I ate too much beans so I felt I had to take a break leaving my girl (now wife) at the table and suddenly while I'm sitting, I unleashed a chemical warhead that fired off with a deafening sound that broke the Café's windows as its pieces fell down killing people. God bless their souls.
 
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