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Ethical Question

larryselbows

larryselbows

Banned
A long time ago, I posted a thread about a girl I met through one of the classes I taught as a graduate teaching assistant. I asked many of you if it was ethical to ask her out at the end of the course and I received some great advice and some not-so-great advice, but all the responses were pretty funny and sometimes relatively insightful. Anyway, I just saw her today for what I think may have been the conclusion of our times together, and I just thought I'd finish the chapter for those that are interested.

The last time I discussed this, I believe I left off where I said that I'd just wait until the class was over before asking her out. As it turned out, she asked for my number at the end of the course and that was the beginning of our relationship. In the following months, we would hang out until early hours of the morning watching movies, painting pictures, going to coffee shops, talking, and doing some other things that I won’t get overly descriptive about :cool: (oh yeah, high fives all around), generally having some pretty memorable times.

Previously, I think I alluded to her not liking the town of College Station very much. So in the year of 2010, she decided to transfer to the University of Texas at Austin. I was really happy for her that she got what she had been hoping for, but also sad to see her go. Over the following year, we would frequently keep in touch, and I would drive down to Austin to see her. Again, we continued to have some great times going for walks down south congress street and near the Colorado River late at night, and visiting funky shops, but what really kept everything interesting was that we resonated in such a remarkable way.

Eventually though, we had our time together, and it passed. The distance, the difference in our lifestyles (graduate school vs. undergrad), among other things made it apparent that it be better that we remain friends. We have continued to keep in touch and still have a strong connection.

Last night, she gave me a call to come eat breakfast with her in the morning since she was in town, so I did. She's now dating a nice guy in Austin, and they’ve moved in together and adopted a dog. She also plans on moving to New York City after graduation to pursue an advertising career. I am graduating later this year and applying for jobs in Houston.

It was interesting today, though, there was just an ominous feeling that we’re going our separate ways, and that today was maybe the last time I’d see her. Life has a way of moving in cycles and it seems I’m moving into my next one, as is she, but I’m just glad I had a chance to get to know someone that I get along with so well with while I was experiencing it.

Anyway, I just thought I’d let inquiring minds know how it played out. I’ll stop right here, thanks for listening!
 
Next time why not go to Houlihan's? Not so noisy, not so many kids.

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I wasn't around to offend you back then, so I'll just do it now.

Something eeriely strange about a generation where it's chic to debate the ethics of exploiting a teacher/student relation to pole vault into to a sex fantasy of some kind. When I was going to college it was just more or less understood that some chics were laying the prof for a grade, and others laying various others for all kinds of similarly ephemeral values.

Well, I suppose there's always something at stake in anything going down, but this whole intensely personal ideal of values in the relationship you describe just seems. . . . well. . . . just about as petty.

My wife, as she told me and as all of her many siblings aver, hardly dated anyone before settling for me. I passed her checklist of about forty qualifying points without a hitch. . . . er. . . . well, not exactly. . . . cuz we did get hitched. It seemed we had all our ducks in a row, and all the same values, and there just wasn't any obvious question about what to do next. Well, almost immediately after marriage, the wheels just popped off the wagon and we were just stuck in the mud. Two intensely self-centered human beings both unhappy about slavery to the other.

The way I figure it now, Elizabeth Barrett Browning had a slightly better concept about relationships in her poem "For Love's Sake Only". Fortunately, I had read it and understood it some years before, and in addition had some other general principles to fall back on. So I could at least imagine I was being grand to work through it all with her. . . .


Sometimes, you are just a lot better off actually caring about, and doing things for, other people even when there is no possible. . . . well, no apparent. . . benefit to you for doing so.

And I'm just downright grateful she was willing to do that for me, even though I was smugly self-assured I was the one taking the high ground. Arguably, I'm an idiot, but she stood tall on the sheer imperative of principled character.


Here's hoping the next time you find someone who's willing to take an interest in you, you can just figure out that it's time to grow up. And don't imagine it will be just an easy thing to do. It will take someone with the patience of a saint to give you time to do that. . . . or, more hopefully, you'll just see the light and figure that since it needs doing, you'll just do it, and give her the patience she needs. . . .

You and the now long-gone chic might have found some things worthwhile in a real committment. Now you're just a few years closer to bald with no teeth, and a protuding gut that makes belts ineffective at holding up your pants, and obviously being dissed with a lot more "no way" young chic barfs when you walk up with a smile.

Memories like the ones you refer to as composing a worthwhile life will prove to be mere maladjusted obsessions and compulsions as time goes on and you occasionally try to develop an actual life.

cheers.
 
babe said:
I wasn't around to offend you back then, so I'll just do it now.

Something eeriely strange about a generation where it's chic to debate the ethics of exploiting a teacher/student relation to pole vault into to a sex fantasy of some kind. When I was going to college it was just more or less understood that some chics were laying the prof for a grade, and others laying various others for all kinds of similarly ephemeral values.

Well, I suppose there's always something at stake in anything going down, but this whole intensely personal ideal of values in the relationship you describe just seems. . . . well. . . . just about as petty.

My wife, as she told me and as all of her many siblings aver, hardly dated anyone before settling for me. I passed her checklist of about forty qualifying points without a hitch. . . . er. . . . well, not exactly. . . . cuz we did get hitched. It seemed we had all our ducks in a row, and all the same values, and there just wasn't any obvious question about what to do next. Well, almost immediately after marriage, the wheels just popped off the wagon and we were just stuck in the mud. Two intensely self-centered human beings both unhappy about slavery to the other.

The way I figure it now, Elizabeth Barrett Browning had a slightly better concept about relationships in her poem "For Love's Sake Only". Fortunately, I had read it and understood it some years before, and in addition had some other general principles to fall back on. So I could at least imagine I was being grand to work through it all with her. . . .


Sometimes, you are just a lot better off actually caring about, and doing things for, other people even when there is no possible. . . . well, no apparent. . . benefit to you for doing so.

And I'm just downright grateful she was willing to do that for me, even though I was smugly self-assured I was the one taking the high ground. Arguably, I'm an idiot, but she stood tall on the sheer imperative of principled character.


Here's hoping the next time you find someone who's willing to take an interest in you, you can just figure out that it's time to grow up. And don't imagine it will be just an easy thing to do. It will take someone with the patience of a saint to give you time to do that. . . . or, more hopefully, you'll just see the light and figure that since it needs doing, you'll just do it, and give her the patience she needs. . . .

You and the now long-gone chic might have found some things worthwhile in a real committment. Now you're just a few years closer to bald with no teeth, and a protuding gut that makes belts ineffective at holding up your pants, and obviously being dissed with a lot more "no way" young chic barfs when you walk up with a smile.

Memories like the ones you refer to as composing a worthwhile life will prove to be mere maladjusted obsessions and compulsions as time goes on and you occasionally try to develop an actual life.

cheers.
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I wanted to read this, babe, but my weekend is only two days long.
 
Good story, I hate looking back at life at all the girls I dated and thinking about what would become of us. I've been happily dating my girl for a couple years now. Life moves on bro, but you can give the sex tapes to the new dude. hahaha
 
Bronco70 said:
I wanted to read this, babe, but my weekend is only two days long.
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Indeed.

But it is a Conference weekend.

Maybe I could compete with that, and maybe there is somebody out there with a capacity for my sort of grim reaper humor, irony, and self-deprecation even if dripping in sarcasm and soaked in self-righteousness at the same time.

But probably not. Enjoy the semifinals and the Jazz and the booze, bro.

Sincere sympathies to the guys who do that all alone. Except to Trout, who has kids to entertain just like me. Time to see what they're up to now.

And, Bronco, you really need to work on that reading speed thing. What I wrote shouldn't take more than two minutes to read, and maybe ten seconds for the laugh.
 
I was just kidding, babe. I did read it.

You are known for your somewhat verbose posts, so I was poking a little fun. But don't worry, someone stood up for you and neg repped me for it.
 
Bronco70 said:
I was just kidding, babe. I did read it.

You are known for your somewhat verbose posts, so I was poking a little fun. But don't worry, someone stood up for you and neg repped me for it.
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you deserved a pos rep for your claiming to be too busy to read my novelettes.

Still waiting to hear from Larry. Man I hope he's not all bent out of shape. oh, wait, elbows are supposed to be bent.

I even read this thread to my wife, over the phone. Slow night at work. She wants me to print it out so she can prove I once said something vaguely nice about her. LOL. She almost ended the conversation hooting about my reference to Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Believe me, she doubts anyone will read this stuff. It was a tough sell getting her to listen, even though I was her excuse for not changing some bedpans.
 
freakazoid said:
Sounds like a smart girl, except, of course, for the fact she married you.
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Of course you're perfectly right, except, of course, where you sorta make an exception to just being right.

But I owe you a pos rep for your humor. I'll catch up with that when I can.

I highly respect the ancient Chinese philosopher/moralist Confucious, but I'll just make up what I think he would have said about this:

"Humility is the duty of the honorable."

Pretty strange stuff in today's America I admit, where the philosophers du jour to a man all claim there is no such thing as truth or valid belief systems because such beliefs are always inconvenient to efficient management somehow. But the Chinese system lasted thousands of years, and is resurgent in Post-Mao China. And we're all just wallowing in our own conceits, one way or another, and doing nobody any good, even ourselves.

Sorry I made my digs so cutting Larry, every point had something of my own life experience in it, or I'd never had thought it through.
 
I'm glad Larry has provided an update. I've been wondering about whatever happened with this little romantic entaglement.


Now I just need roseparkjazzfan to give us an update and my life will be complete.
 
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