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Wife cheated on me... again

Joe Bagadonuts said:
I'm sure you're already doing this, but make sure it remains as good for her as it is for you. As bizarre as this comment sounds, most women want more from a relationship than great sex. Make certain you know what her needs are.
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Great point. That's never been a problem for me, fortunately. I'm very into symbiotic relationships.
 
Joe Bagadonuts said:
Lucky man. I have a buddy who always told me the same thing about his wife, though, and now they are separated. She claims that he didn't pay any attention to her other needs. He's crazy about her, so he's working hard to figure them out now. He told me it never even occurred to him that she wasn't happy in their relationship before this crisis.
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Lack of communication

Wife is like a rabbit, luckily so am I.
 
franklin said:
Redacted for extreme insensitivity. My apologies.
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Bummer. Sorry I missed it. I'm not sensitive to criticism of my dad - he's not a good guy. I did not win the parent lottery. Life goes on.
 
JazzFanz is growing up! In past situations we couldn't even get to page 3 before people asked for photos before deciding what you should do. 11 pages in so far and nothing like that.
 
JazzGal said:
Bummer. Sorry I missed it. I'm not sensitive to criticism of my dad - he's not a good guy. I did not win the parent lottery. Life goes on.
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I often wonder how my kids are going to end up seeing me. I do my best, but I make mistakes. For instance, I took them on a vacation last week. They were very excited and we made all sorts of plans over the course of a month. I paid a lot of money for reservations, etc. But when I went to pick them up from their mom's house they asked me if we could wait to leave the next morning. They said their mom had gotten them tickets to an event that night and they really wanted to go. I blew up. It was my time with the kids. She doesn't have the right to schedule things on my days. She knew we were going out of town and I felt certain she did this on purpose. This sort of crap happens all the time, and my children are put in the middle of it. I said all of these things to them before I got my temper under control. I realize I shouldn't have said anything negative about their mom as other posters have pointed out, but it can be so hard in actual practice. What is a person supposed to do in a situation like this?
 
Joe Bagadonuts said:
I often wonder how my kids are going to end up seeing me. I do my best, but I make mistakes. For instance, I took them on a vacation last week. They were very excited and we made all sorts of plans over the course of a month. I paid a lot of money for reservations, etc. But when I went to pick them up from their mom's house they asked me if we could wait to leave the next morning. They said their mom had gotten them tickets to an event that night and they really wanted to go. I blew up. It was my time with the kids. She doesn't have the right to schedule things on my days. She knew we were going out of town and I felt certain she did this on purpose. This sort of crap happens all the time, and my children are put in the middle of it. I said all of these things to them before I got my temper under control. I realize I shouldn't have said anything negative about their mom as other posters have pointed out, but it can be so hard in actual practice. What is a person supposed to do in a situation like this?
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No parent is going to have complete control of their emotions at all times. I would have been very angry as well, and it does feel like it was a passive-aggressive move on her part. I don't think those are going to be the things that define you to your children, anymore than their temper tantrums define them to you. Your anger stems from not being able to spend more time with them and having your plans upset, and I'm sure they see that (or at least sense it).

No kid gets a perfect parent. What I would hope that kids get is a parent who loves them and shows that love, who tries to be a decent human being, who is present, who wants what is best for their children.

There are certainly worse fathers than mine. He wasn't abusive and made sure we had the essentials of life.
 
Joe Bagadonuts said:
I often wonder how my kids are going to end up seeing me. I do my best, but I make mistakes. For instance, I took them on a vacation last week. They were very excited and we made all sorts of plans over the course of a month. I paid a lot of money for reservations, etc. But when I went to pick them up from their mom's house they asked me if we could wait to leave the next morning. They said their mom had gotten them tickets to an event that night and they really wanted to go. I blew up. It was my time with the kids. She doesn't have the right to schedule things on my days. She knew we were going out of town and I felt certain she did this on purpose. This sort of crap happens all the time, and my children are put in the middle of it. I said all of these things to them before I got my temper under control. I realize I shouldn't have said anything negative about their mom as other posters have pointed out, but it can be so hard in actual practice. What is a person supposed to do in a situation like this?
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Damn bro. That's horrible. Let it out. Vent.
 
Joe Bagadonuts said:
I often wonder how my kids are going to end up seeing me. I do my best, but I make mistakes. For instance, I took them on a vacation last week. They were very excited and we made all sorts of plans over the course of a month. I paid a lot of money for reservations, etc. But when I went to pick them up from their mom's house they asked me if we could wait to leave the next morning. They said their mom had gotten them tickets to an event that night and they really wanted to go. I blew up. It was my time with the kids. She doesn't have the right to schedule things on my days. She knew we were going out of town and I felt certain she did this on purpose. This sort of crap happens all the time, and my children are put in the middle of it. I said all of these things to them before I got my temper under control. I realize I shouldn't have said anything negative about their mom as other posters have pointed out, but it can be so hard in actual practice. What is a person supposed to do in a situation like this?
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I am a firm believer that no matter what you do, if your ex-wife has it in for you, you're screwed.

I have a son that isn't very involved with me and a daughter that I am estranged with. Both relationships were horribly strained by things like the above - even though I acted properly. She indirectly affected my visitation, didn't inform me/invite me to ANYTHING substantial (sports events, school ceremonies, etc.). I was completely cut out and my relationship with my kids suffered for it - even though I tried and tried and tried and tried to either get her to inform me or went around her. There was just not enough notice for me to get involved in everything.

I'm sorry, but it's a fact - if your ex is against you, you're ****ed. Just plain old ****ed. Here's hoping the mother of your children feels strongly that you have rights as a father. Because if you don't, you're ****ed.
 
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