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Wife cheated on me... again

My best advice is this.

Find you. What do you want and what do you need? What radically solutions can you be ok with? Once you have your head straight, even if it hurts knowing that, then you will be able to possibly move forward with her.

When you do talk to her. Do not be rude or belittling. Especially if any kids are around bad. But do be honest and direct. And listen to her, actually listen, to what she says and how she says it. Take the convo slow and if there is confusion ask questions to clarify. Don't assume.

Once you both know where the other stands you will know what your realistic options are.

But above all you love(d) this woman and her actions don't change how you know you should treat her. GL bro, happened to me and we ended it and I was hung up for 4 years afterwards but I eventually moved on.
 
The Thriller said:
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350

This book is a national bestseller and really helped me to decide on whether or not I should pull the plug on the relationship. I would HIGHLY recommend you buy a hard copy and read it. It's an easy read and probably about halfway through it you'll know what you should do.

As for my opinion? What are you getting out of this? As an educator, I see painful and abusive relationships all the time. I see kids from divorced families all the time. I know the temptation to stay together for the kids is great. But kids aren't stupid. Do they sense the tension of your relationship? Do they sense the lack of intimacy? The stress? If a relationship has turned malignant (no trust, constant cheating, self esteem issues, etc), as it appears yours has become, there's only one thing to do...

Anyway, just my 2 cents.

I'd highly recommend that book. It really helped knock some sense into me at an incredibly emotional time.
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Thanks. I will definitely look into the book. And I agree with you thoughts on the matter.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
 
Really sorry. Can't even imagine the feeling.

I don't know if you're still religious or not, but you do have biblical grounds to divorce her if that's what you're concerned about (I know that sounds silly, but I have a friend who won't divorce his wife bc of that, even though she left him and is sleeping around). If you feel like you've done all you can to make it work, then you've done all you can. Unfortunately, it takes two, not just you. Your wife seems very immature btw, does she admit that cheating was wrong, or does she not care?
 
#bern said:
Really sorry. Can't even imagine the feeling.

I don't know if you're still religious or not, but you do have biblical grounds to divorce her if that's what you're concerned about (I know that sounds silly, but I have a friend who won't divorce his wife bc of that, even though she left him and is sleeping around). If you feel like you've done all you can to make it work, then you've done all you can. Unfortunately, it takes two, not just you. Your wife seems very immature btw, does she admit that cheating was wrong, or does she not care?
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She totally admits she was wrong. She regrets it all. And says she wishes it never happened. When she gets overwhelmed she checks in to the spot in her brain that is her own fantasy land that has no consequences. But when she finally comes out of it she regrets everything. Almost like a second personality. She's very immature.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
 
We did last time she cheated. Thought it was fixed. Should have kept going back now and then for check ins. But I think we are past that now.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
 
DarkMount said:
And it's hard to explain, but while she did all this she is still an amazing woman in so many other ways. Her mom died when she was 13 and her dad became very verbally abusive. Over time I was able to help her overcome so much and accomplish things she never dreamed she could. That's honestly the main thing that upsets me. Sadly she says she pictures me more of a father figure than a husband because I help her grow so much. Sad I know.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
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And yet it's beautiful too bro. You're a good man.
 
Gameface said:
I think it's in incredibly poor taste to refer to a woman as a whore because she has sex with someone other than her partner.

I don't see how what I said isn't cool compared to what anyone else has said.

If the OP takes offense he can let me know and I'll apologize.
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Given the reference to the six months with the incredibly rich gent, the term might be warranted. My question, better left unsaid, really, would be so what about the money and stuff. If the rich dude didn't pay, it could only prove it was for sex/love/attention/ and not stuff. Without reference to the pay, the term is not appropriate.
I'm still on the side of having some discussion about it before feeding the lawyers.
 
Thanks for reminding me why marriage is the worst decision an adult male can make.

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DarkMount said:
And it's hard to explain, but while she did all this she is still an amazing woman in so many other ways. Her mom died when she was 13 and her dad became very verbally abusive. Over time I was able to help her overcome so much and accomplish things she never dreamed she could. That's honestly the main thing that upsets me. Sadly she says she pictures me more of a father figure than a husband because I help her grow so much. Sad I know.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using JazzFanz mobile app
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I think it's amazing that you have the perspective to understand this. I think it's important to acknowledge that we are all human, and the vast majority of us mean well in this world.

I don't doubt for a second that there's amazing things about this person-- I mean the fact that you spent so many years with her, and married her, is proof of this.

Unfortunately, I think it's a relationship that simply isn't destined to work-- and it's important that she learns to live with the consequences of her actions. At this point in her life, she likely isn't able to participate in a monogamous relationship-- perhaps only with you, maybe with all men in general. It's honestly best for her if you leave her, because it's crucial that she learns from this experience, and learns to not hurt others again.

So that's the way i see it. I think it's best for you to leave her, and I think dealing with a failed relationship & potentially lost custody will help move her towards changes in life that beget stability and fulfillment.

oh, and also-- don't worry about the kids being broken about having the family split. As a kid I'd much prefer two split parents who were HAPPY and ABLE to parent me, than two joined parents constantly on the verge of argument and breakdown
 
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