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Your most memorable poos

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I know I should be disgusted and not even read these, but some of the better ones have actually made me literally laugh out loud and a couple even brought tears to my eyes due to laughing so hard.
 
Archie Moses said:
If you have a public pooping phobia, I have a cure. Wear headphones and blast your music. Works like a charm.
Click to expand...

Another thing that works is playing it up really big.

I had a bout of IBS once and there was no way I was making it to the comforts of home to squirt it all over my own familiar bowl, so I went into the mall bathroom and found a reasonably clean stall (in cases like this, all you care about is no **** directly on the toilet seat) and prepared to make a mess of things. IBS in my case is always accompanied by both strong interjections of loud (my son called it "slappy") gas, as well as a profound stench, which is largely indescribable, but kind of makes you think of cow diarrhea or something like that I guess. Acidic and clingy. The kind that clears your sinuses and pushes your "fight or flight" buttons pretty good.

I went into the bathroom alone, but it was busy, being an early December Saturday, so soon there were more than a few folks in there mostly dudes with their kids. I proceded to release the payload, and it was more gassy than usual. I tried to tone it down, but this one was not going to go away so easily, so I decided to just embrace it, and ham it up a bit. I moaned and hit the side of the stall, while delivering elephant-trumpeting noises and the foul stench of the bowels of hell itself. I faked some crying, and pleaded for it to stop. I kind of patterned it on an old Adam Sandler bit I had heard on one of his albums. It went over pretty well, mostly answered by the silence of the crypt and a few kids asking if "that man" was alright. The best part was some guy coming in, immediately joking with other dudes in there he probably didn't know, you know the type, the guy that will stand right next to you at the urinal and comment on your shoes. Well, he was int here blabbering for about 10 seconds when he got really quiet. I released one last strong blast of splattery gas and he said simply "Dear God" and left. It was the highlight of the poop.

That and all the looks I got as I exited to go wash my hands. But maybe even better was the fact that as I left the stall I realized the automatic flusher didn't work for whatever reason and I laughed as I thought of the pure horror some poor guy was going to experience as he entered that stall later on.



I never thought my lifelong personal bathroom hell would be able to provide so many good stories. Usually no one else wants to hear them, and many of them are far too embarrassing for mixed company (any of you ever drop a 3 year old on the floor like spiking a football while high-tailing it to make the bathroom in time in a busy Walmart?).

I love this thread.
 
yall need to step your game up

https://www.amazon.com/Kama-Pootra-Mind-Blowing-Ways-Poop/dp/1402237146 - Kama Pootra: 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop

ive mastered the advanced stuff already

KAMAPOO_2.jpg
 
This was a bigun fellas.

March 30, 2014
3:29 P.M.

Urgency: Moderate
Satisfaction: Very high
Density: High
Constipation level: Not constipated, but def had to work it through dat colon.
Food: Chicken, potatoes, and popcorn.
Slime level: Low
Burning sensation: Light
Pieces: Several medium pieces, one large, one very large.
Shape: Classic lump poo shape. The largest piece broke in half.
Pieces of toilet paper used: 3
Amount of poo left in butt: Not much.
Overall: 9/10, gotta love a good '*sigh*' after a poo. Couple kernels in this bad boy, looked crunchy. Quality dump.
 
LogGrad98 said:
Another thing that works is playing it up really big.

I had a bout of IBS once and there was no way I was making it to the comforts of home to squirt it all over my own familiar bowl, so I went into the mall bathroom and found a reasonably clean stall (in cases like this, all you care about is no **** directly on the toilet seat) and prepared to make a mess of things. IBS in my case is always accompanied by both strong interjections of loud (my son called it "slappy") gas, as well as a profound stench, which is largely indescribable, but kind of makes you think of cow diarrhea or something like that I guess. Acidic and clingy. The kind that clears your sinuses and pushes your "fight or flight" buttons pretty good.

I went into the bathroom alone, but it was busy, being an early December Saturday, so soon there were more than a few folks in there mostly dudes with their kids. I proceded to release the payload, and it was more gassy than usual. I tried to tone it down, but this one was not going to go away so easily, so I decided to just embrace it, and ham it up a bit. I moaned and hit the side of the stall, while delivering elephant-trumpeting noises and the foul stench of the bowels of hell itself. I faked some crying, and pleaded for it to stop. I kind of patterned it on an old Adam Sandler bit I had heard on one of his albums. It went over pretty well, mostly answered by the silence of the crypt and a few kids asking if "that man" was alright. The best part was some guy coming in, immediately joking with other dudes in there he probably didn't know, you know the type, the guy that will stand right next to you at the urinal and comment on your shoes. Well, he was int here blabbering for about 10 seconds when he got really quiet. I released one last strong blast of splattery gas and he said simply "Dear God" and left. It was the highlight of the poop.

That and all the looks I got as I exited to go wash my hands. But maybe even better was the fact that as I left the stall I realized the automatic flusher didn't work for whatever reason and I laughed as I thought of the pure horror some poor guy was going to experience as he entered that stall later on.



I never thought my lifelong personal bathroom hell would be able to provide so many good stories. Usually no one else wants to hear them, and many of them are far too embarrassing for mixed company (any of you ever drop a 3 year old on the floor like spiking a football while high-tailing it to make the bathroom in time in a busy Walmart?).

I love this thread.
Click to expand...

Monica, have you ever knocked yourself out with one of your bathroom stall Dutch ovens?
 
franklin said:
Monica, have you ever knocked yourself out with one of your bathroom stall Dutch ovens?
Click to expand...

No. Made my wife puke in the sink spontaneously. Was mildly satisfying, but I caught hell later. I had told her not to come in the bathroom, but she needed something, and came in anyway and immediately retched in the sink.

I have had my kids downstairs complain about the smell when I was in the master bathroom upstairs.

When I asked him, since I was at first worried I had some major disease like Crohn's or something, my doctor told me the smell is because it is a little like an ileostomy, where the bowel just releases everything past a certain, usually back to the ileum (the ileocecal valve I think), spasmodically. I have never smelled anything quite like it. It is way worse than any dirty diaper you have ever experienced. Normally instant gag-inducing.

I purposely dropped one at church once (normally I try to contain it until I get home, doesn't always work out that way). It was after the meetings were mostly over, and I had left the last meeting to wait in the car to get home to take care of my business. I was walking by the bathroom and decided to just let it go there. That was a lot of fun, as much fun as it can be anyway. People avoiding the bathroom and the comments, especially from kids. One kid said he bet someone died in there. You could smell it in the hallway a good 1/4 of the way around the building. I stood there at the end of the hall for a bit then went out to the car. My wife came out, got in the car, and turned and pointed her finger at me and said "was that you mister?"
 
this isn't worth a thread of its own, but I thought it might be fun to mention a few of the more creative names for portable toilets. Porta-Potty and Port-o-let are pretty vanilla. Some of my favorites include Honey Bucket, Johnny on the Spot, Do Drop Inn, Lepre-Can (has almost the same logo as Lucky Charms cereal, minus the rainbow) Call A-Head and Oui Oui.

Here's one I just made up: Can-Can Do-Do. The logo would be a chorus line of can-can dancers, waving their skirts and doing a high kick!

Anyone have any other brilliant ideas? Urine Town perhaps? This Dump Urine?
 
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Nothing like hugging someone with good colon, that's for sure.
 
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