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A Joke a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

A Rabbi was an avid follower of soccer and was in fact so enthusiastic that he could truly be described as a fanatic about the game. While walking to the synagogue one day he stopped a member of his congregation and said to him, "Mr. Cohen, you know how keen I am about the game of soccer, don't you?"

To which Mr. Cohen replied, "Of course I do, Rabbi, in fact the whole congregation knows what a fanatic you are about the game."

The Rabbi then said to Mr. Cohen, "Well, I'm afraid that I have a terrible problem. I've learned today that the World Cup final is due to be played on Yom Kippur and I don't know what to do about it!"

Mr. Cohen pondered the problem for a few moments and then said to the Rabbi, "Well, Rabbi, there's only one thing you can do. You'll have to tape it."

"What?" exclaimed the Rabbi, "the whole service?"
 
A guy walk into a bar and asks the bartender for the best IPA they have on tap. The bartender tells him they don't have any good IPAs on tap because there aren't any good IPAs under 4%abv.

The guy says "Okay, then give me the best IPA you have in a bottle."

The bartender gives it to him but when he pops it open and pours it into his glass he complains.

"Bartender, I've had this IPA many times and it's well known for it's amazing hop aroma."

The bartender explains that because of the state's central ordering system that bottle of beer is probably better than 6 months old and the hop aroma has long since gone away.

"Oh, well, that's too bad. Forget about the beer, give me a double jack and coke instead"

The bartender cries.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Gameface said:
A guy walk into a bar and asks the bartender for the best IPA they have on tap. The bartender tells him they don't have any good IPAs on tap because none of them are over 4%abv.

The guy says "Okay, then give me the best IPA you have in a bottle."

The bartender gives it to him but when he pops it open and pours it into his glass he complains.

"Bartender, I've had this IPA many times and it's well known for it's amazing hop aroma."

The bartender explains that because of the state's central ordering system that bottle of beer is probably better than 6 months old and the hop aroma has long since gone away.

"Oh, well, that's too bad. Forget about the beer, give me a double jack and coke instead"

The bartender cries.
Click to expand...
Fixed. Pretty funny. Did you write this joke yourself? One wrong word makes a pretty big difference, though.
 
Why did the little chicken cross the road softly?


Because he was just a little chicken, and didn't know how to walk hardly.
 
Joe Bagadonuts said:
Fixed. Pretty funny. Did you write this joke yourself? One wrong word makes a pretty big difference, though.
Click to expand...

Actually he had it right. They have to be under 4 to be on tap in Utah. So he didn't have any on tap because he didn't have any that were under 4.
 
colton said:
Why did the little chicken cross the road softly?


Because he was just a little chicken, and didn't know how to walk hardly.
Click to expand...

or

Why did the little chicken cross the road hardly?

Because he was a little chicken and hardly knew how to walk.


or

Why did the little chicken cross the road naked?

Because he was a little chicken and could only barely walk.

(I think I like the last one best)
 
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?


Because the P is silent.
 
What is blue and smells like red paint?



Blue paint.
 
Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says "EEOOOUUUUUUWWAAAHHOOOOOOUUUUMMMMM."

The second whale looks at the first and says "Frank, what is wrong with you?"
 
What is something that is red and bad for your teeth?



A brick.
 
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