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Post Moronic Things You've Done to Make Me Feel Better About What I Did

FYI, you spelled moran* in the title incorrectly, Arch.



Most moronic moment of my fairly short life?

I used to work at the Nike Factory Outlet Store a few minutes away from my house. It was the first Sunday that was open with extended hours in the holiday season, so it was 6:30 and the store was more-or-less dead. Me and one of my asian buddies began to have a vert on test towards the middle of the store, which he subsequently one. Embarrassed, I told myself out-loud that I needed to start doing more calf-raises. I then see these two sharp wooden laminate benches adjacent to each other, with a heavy metal framework, a few steps away from where I was. So, for reasons I still don't exactly know, I decide to step onto the edge of one of the benches, and attempt a calf-raise. I was maybe halfway through my first one when the bench tipped over backwards, and I fell head-first into the bench sitting adjacent to it. I split my head open, swore a few times, and started bleeding all over the place in the middle of work, while there were still customer in the store. I ended up going to the hospital, found out I broke my wrist as well, and needed 10 stitches a few inches into my hairline. Doctors said that it was nothing short of amazing that I didn't concuss, seeing as the cut was apparently very very deep.

Did I get WCB leave? Yes
Did I deserve it? No
Am I a moran? Very much so. Hope this makes you feel better about yourself, Mr. Moses.
 
dalamon said:
FYI, you spelled moran* in the title incorrectly, Arch.



Most moronic moment of my fairly short life?

I used to work at the Nike Factory Outlet Store a few minutes away from my house. It was the first Sunday that was open with extended hours in the holiday season, so it was 6:30 and the store was more-or-less dead. Me and one of my asian buddies began to have a vert on test towards the middle of the store, which he subsequently one. Embarrassed, I told myself out-loud that I needed to start doing more calf-raises. I then see these two sharp wooden laminate benches adjacent to each other, with a heavy metal framework, a few steps away from where I was. So, for reasons I still don't exactly know, I decide to step onto the edge of one of the benches, and attempt a calf-raise. I was maybe halfway through my first one when the bench tipped over backwards, and I fell head-first into the bench sitting adjacent to it. I split my head open, swore a few times, and started bleeding all over the place in the middle of work, while there were still customer in the store. I ended up going to the hospital, found out I broke my wrist as well, and needed 10 stitches a few inches into my hairline. Doctors said that it was nothing short of amazing that I didn't concuss, seeing as the cut was apparently very very deep.

Did I get WCB leave? Yes
Did I deserve it? No
Am I a moran? Very much so. Hope this makes you feel better about yourself, Mr. Moses.
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I'm loving this thread.

Good job Archie.
 
This was around Christmas about 18 years ago but anyway - my girlfriend at the time and her best friend were not getting along. To try to patch things up my g/f bought her best friend a watch for Christmas. Her friend was kind of a bitch so she told her she didn't want the watch and they ended up getting in a big fight. In tears my g/f gave me the watch and she told me to throw it in the garbage. Well, I took the watch and gave it to a co-worker I was cheating on her with for Christmas.

New Years Eve comes we have a company party. I bring my g/f and there is my co-worker wearing the ****ing watch I gave her for Christmas. My g/f sees it and...well the rest is too ugly to relive.

At least I learned at a young age I wasn't a player.
 
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When I was 11 years old I went to run errands with my mom and two younger siblings (4 & 3 years old). She stopped in the parking lot of this strip mall and ran in to drop soemthings off at one of the stores. I unbuckled my younger siblings and let them jump around in the backseat to have some fun. That turned into jumping back and forth over the seat. I got out of the car because I was tired of sitting there waiting for my mom. Well my youngest sibling jumped over the seat into the front seat and kicked the gear shift. It knocked the car into neutral. The parking lot was on a slight incline and so the car started to roll down hill. I ran around to the back of the car and pushed against it. Why I did not get in and put the car in park I still do not know.

At that time a large truck decided to back up and I was pinned between the two cars. Short story is that it ripped my legs open to the bone. I have to have them sewn shut and I was in a wheelchair for 3 months.
 
Stoked said:
When I was 11 years old I went to run errands with my mom and two younger siblings (4 & 3 years old). She stopped in the parking lot of this strip mall and ran in to drop soemthings off at one of the stores. I unbuckled my younger siblings and let them jump around in the backseat to have some fun. That turned into jumping back and forth over the seat. I got out of the car because I was tired of sitting there waiting for my mom. Well my youngest sibling jumped over the seat into the front seat and kicked the gear shift. It knocked the car into neutral. The parking lot was on a slight incline and so the car started to roll down hill. I ran around to the back of the car and pushed against it. Why I did not get in and put the car in park I still do not know.

At that time a large truck decided to back up and I was pinned between the two cars. Short story is that it ripped my legs open to the bone. I have to have them sewn shut and I was in a wheelchair for 3 months.
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Dude, considering you were 11, that took major balls. Being most heros would be considered moronic if the circumstances didn't work out in their favor; I'd say you're much more the former than the latter
 
candrew said:
Dude, considering you were 11, that took major balls. Being most heros would be considered moronic if the circumstances didn't work out in their favor; I'd say you're much more the former than the latter
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It taught me to think my way thru a tense situation though so lesson learned.
 
scat said:
that's trout's wife's major screw up.
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hahaha. Ggggggggoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
dalamon said:
FYI, you spelled moran* in the title incorrectly, Arch.



Most moronic moment of my fairly short life?

I used to work at the Nike Factory Outlet Store a few minutes away from my house. It was the first Sunday that was open with extended hours in the holiday season, so it was 6:30 and the store was more-or-less dead. Me and one of my asian buddies began to have a vert on test towards the middle of the store, which he subsequently one. Embarrassed, I told myself out-loud that I needed to start doing more calf-raises. I then see these two sharp wooden laminate benches adjacent to each other, with a heavy metal framework, a few steps away from where I was. So, for reasons I still don't exactly know, I decide to step onto the edge of one of the benches, and attempt a calf-raise. I was maybe halfway through my first one when the bench tipped over backwards, and I fell head-first into the bench sitting adjacent to it. I split my head open, swore a few times, and started bleeding all over the place in the middle of work, while there were still customer in the store. I ended up going to the hospital, found out I broke my wrist as well, and needed 10 stitches a few inches into my hairline. Doctors said that it was nothing short of amazing that I didn't concuss, seeing as the cut was apparently very very deep.

Did I get WCB leave? Yes
Did I deserve it? No
Am I a moran? Very much so. Hope this makes you feel better about yourself, Mr. Moses.
Click to expand...


The moronic thing was having an Asian friend.
 
I was in a high-end hotel in Miami. My girl was leaving the room (heading back out of town) and, as a goofy joke, I decided to run out of the shower, into the hallway to embarrass her (or me?) all nekked and sudsy and ****. Well .. by the time I made it to the hallway, she was already on the elevator and I didn't have a key to the room. Not knowing what to do, I went to the stairwell .. where a family was walking up from the pool ......

They gave me a towel so I could ride the elevator to the lobby for a key.
 
My first one was about a car incident since that's what Archie posted about, but now I want to share an underage drinking story.

I was 17 and hanging out with one of my really good friends at the time. He was a pretty messed up kid with an alcoholic dad and a sort of oedipus rex vibe going on with his mom. My buddy had a girlfriend who had a friend who worked at Snowbird in the Iron Blossom Lodge as a cleaning girl. Well a big storm was forecast and apparently what they do when that happens is have the staff all stay at the hotel the night before so they can be there to do their jobs if the road gets closed. So they put all the employees on the same floor and the employees had a party to which my friend and I were invited.

My buddy met and made friends with a lot of odd people, partially as a result of being in state custody a few times. One of his better friends, but a guy I never really liked, was a 23 year old who had dated a girl that lived across the street from my buddy. She was like 15-16 when he dated her and he was in his twenties. Anyway we had to get alcohol, right?

It was already snowing really hard before we left at around 8pm. This was the first really big snow storm of the year. Once we were in the canyon visibility was terrible. My buddy was driving an old *** LTD with rear-wheel drive. Getting there was quite the adventure, but not why I'm telling the story. By the time we got there the snow was up to my waist.

The room was awesome! It had a kitchenette, a loft and a couple bedrooms. My buddy didn't want people drinkin' up all his liquor before he had a chance at it so he and I grabbed a couple sprites, a couple of beers and a liter of vodka. We found a laundry room down the hall that had a locking door so we locked ourselves in the room and started in on the vodka, killed it.

We wandered around causing trouble for a while. I remember being in a game room and telling him that I was going to ***-out his girlfriend's friend (the one who worked there). I got kind of obsessed with the idea and was telling everyone how I was going to do it. I was in the game room being loud like that and some kids came in to play. I remember them looking at us and being disturbed. We didn't stick around long after the kids got there. We went back to the room and I went to the bathroom to get sick.

I got sick, and got sick again, and again, and again. Then I was dry heaving. I couldn't leave the bathroom but I was passing out. So, my brilliant idea was to take off my clothes, put some warm water in the tub and lay down in there. That way other people could use the bathroom. So that's what I did. If I needed to puke I could just lean over and reach the toilet. My buddy's girl came in and checked on me a few times. The girl I was going on about came in and checked on me too. I woke up a few times because the water got super cold so I emptied it and put in new warm water. I woke up kind of early and put my clothes back on and went out to the main room and laid on the floor. There were people passed out all around the room.

Just after I laid down I got sick again and dry heaved in the middle of the room, making a lot of noise about it. That got some people stirring and a few people started waking up. Shortly after that girl from another room came to talk to one of the guys passed out in this room.

The guy said, "Go check out the naked guy in the bathtub, it's hilarious."

I sat up and said, "I'm the naked guy in the bathtub, I'm not in there anymore." and I laid back down.
 
Emailed my old boss' husband that she "was a good lay." Suffice it to say, he called her minutes later, I was called into the owner's office about 30 minutes thereafter, sent home for the day, and fired a few work day's later. Had been there a few years and had grown to hate the job.
 
Wes Mantooth said:
Emailed my old boss' husband that she "was a good lay." Suffice it to say, he called her minutes later, I was called into the owner's office about 30 minutes thereafter, sent home for the day, and fired a few work day's later. Had been there a few years and had grown to hate the job.
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That's not moronic, that's standard ******* pimp ****.
 
I was driving up to Boston with some friends for the weekend and some Sox games years ago. My buddy was driving, I was in the passenger's seat, and as we approached one of the Massachusetts TP tolls, a car whizzed past us. I did a double take because I thought I had seen a couple of cute younger chicks drinking. Yes, drinking while driving--well the one was driving. Now, this is at about 11 at night mind you and I was about 23, so with no inhibitions and being out of my area code and all, I instructed my buddy to hit the gas, catch up, and attempt to either confirm or deny my suspicions.

Long story short, I was correct so I put down my window. The girl's windows were already down--or maybe I gestured to put the driver's side down, I forget, but that doesn't matter--and I screamed out the window, "You wanna ****?!" The wind loud as hell, she couldn't hear me, so I repeated my romantic question once again, only louder. "You wanna ****?!!!" Her response? "Yeah!"

Let's just say, they followed us another 15 minutes to our hotel, got into the elevator where I learned that one of the girls babysat and the other worked at Friendly's...Don't worry, don't worry, they had graduated high school the year before and my girl said she was going to Northeastern the year after. At least that's what they told me. In hindsight, who really knows. Anyway, we got to the room, started drinking (the statute of limitations has passed on serving alcohol to minors bitches) and after about a half hour, my two buddy's (there was one in the backseat too) and the other chick took off, driving to find a pharmacy or something that was open so they could buy a pack of cards for drinking games. While they were gone, I took care of business. The three others returned soon after, the girls stayed over, and once the lights went out hours later, she came back for seconds.

Boom bitches!
 
Just remembered another doozy. I'm quite the character. Or was anyway. Post-college before I applied for jobs that I went to school for, I bounced around a bunch of jobs. At one point, I applied at a car dealership to be a sales guy. Mostly because I'm handsome and smooth as all hell, but also because I needed any freakin' steady check I could get at that point. I mean, I wasn't totally desperate but I was getting there. So after getting the job (was there any doubt?), I started. The first day, I watched some videos and ****, read some pamphlets, and so forth. The next day, I come in. It was 8am (9am?) and I went up to my boss (big fat Italian guy), and he wasn't too happy that I wasn't wearing a tie. In fact, he told me to go home and get one. On my 15 minute drive, I pondered life, realized that the job was probably going to suck major pole, that I wanted to play Madden (the one with Eddie George on the cover), and that I had zero interest in returning to the job. I did however do the dealership and my boss the courtesy of letting them know. I called, got him on the phone, and the following convo took place.

Me: Hey, Tony, it's me.
Tony: What's up?
Me: Listen, I didn't wanna tell you this on the interview because I thought it would hurt my chances of getting the job but uh, I have a very serious, rare condition. It's called hemoasphixiation and unfortunately it prohibits me from wearing ties. So uh, yeah, I don't think I'm going to be able to work there.
Tony: Ah, really? Okay. Have a good one then.

So I started kicking *** in Madden (I once beat a team 130-0 on the All Madden level in five minute quarters) and around halftime, I heard a car pull into my driveway. So I got up off the floor and looked out my window, only to see Fatass walking up to my door. He rang the doorbell. I was terrified. This guy had talked about killing his brother or something the day before and I started having mafioso thoughts running through my head, so I called one of my friends at work, snuck into one of my roommate's rooms and got a baseball bat. I talked to my buddy on the phone, deciding what to do, and as we conversed, I heard a car start, peered out the window, and saw Fatass drive off.

A scary 60 seconds or so.
 
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