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How do you play basketball?

Way undersized and can't shoot for ****, so I usually run all over the court for five minutes setting screens and grabbing rebounds and pissing off all the soft elders who refuse to say anything because they're tryin to recruite me to "the team". Sometimes they get mad and I tell them that's Jazz basketball. I don't get why ward ballers are so soft. Everyone wants to fight a lot, it's weird.

You been in the wrong ward. Instead of calling fouls, our stake has a tap-out rule.
 
I am horrible at everything but passing out of the post and wings, and defense. I can sometimes make hard layups if I don't think about it, but easy shots are something that are just beyond my grasp. If I were a foot taller, I would dominate on defending inside, but I am 5'11 and shaped like Charles Barkley. Oh yeah, and I can rebound ok as well.
 
I am horrible at everything but passing out of the post and wings, and defense. I can sometimes make hard layups if I don't think about it, but easy shots are something that are just beyond my grasp. If I were a foot taller, I would dominate on defending inside, but I am 5'11 and shaped like Charles Barkley. Oh yeah, and I can rebound ok as well.

Passing out of the post is probably my favorite thing to do in basketball.

I usually hate playing the post, but I have a decent hook shot that I can get off on anyone. I just have a bad tendency to shoot if off balance. And what I mean by I hate playing in the post is that when you play pick-up basketball it is rare that anyone enters the ball into the post.

I also have the uncanny ability of missing incredibly easy shots. I will miss at least one put back attempt or layup per game, without fail.
 
I'm a good point guard. 6'2" or 6'3"...quick...can drive on anybody. Clean handle. Athletic. Range. Can see the court pretty well. Best part though? I have the Kobe Bryant footwork/ball fake moves down because he was my favorite player for a long time and I used to practice those.... so I can work from the post too. Got the fade away game and everything. Nobody can guard it.

We should get a Jazzfanz' game going again. Provo Rec has some very high level amateur runs at certain times of the day right now. If there are enough of us from around here it could be fun to get 5 or 6 of us and try and hold court.

Even with my bad knees, I'd love to play you and see this post up game. I'd swat your ***. Bring a camera... put money onit. I'm down.
 
I love letting people drive by me, then swat them off tge backboard. Or should I say loved... mid-life crises...
 
5'5"

Can probably shoot better than you. Range to 25'. Up to 30' if shooting well.

Decent enough handles. Competent on both sides (running on left a bit weak).

Fearless driver. Rarely blocked. Is one with the English on both sides of the hoop.

Hard-nosed. People hate posting since they don't own paint.

Loves to pass in pick and roll (especially if you ACTUALLY ROLL).

Quick hands.

Often knows what you're doing with the ball before you do.

Is desired teammate for most people.

Conversely:

In such poor conditioning that plays off are often taken. Thus becomes lazy on defense. More of a streak shooter than preferred. Likes a good pass so can turn it over more than desired. Often too stubborn on shot if not falling. Hard to beat good positioned defense because not fast enough. Will take a wild shot to avoid blocked shot.


If I were in shape, I'd be very good at pickup basketball.
 
I work with teens on the army base here. We play basketball all the time.
They always joke, and call my moves "old school". What, you haven't seen a hook shot before?
Yes, that's a reverse lay up.

It gives me great pleasure beating all the varsity players. Yes I can still keep up.
My shot is "wet". Hearing things like "Don't leave Mr. D open he got a shot" gives me pride.
 
I work with teens on the army base here. We play basketball all the time.
They always joke, and call my moves "old school". What, you haven't seen a hook shot before?
Yes, that's a reverse lay up.

It gives me great pleasure beating all the varsity players. Yes I can still keep up.
My shot is "wet". Hearing things like "Don't leave Mr. D open he got a shot" gives me pride.
I hope you're wearing Stockton shorts....

I also have the uncanny ability of missing incredibly easy shots. I will miss at least one put back attempt or layup per game, without fail.

Me too...But more like at least 3...But I make up for it by dishing sweet passes for cutter and hitting at least 1 incredibly hard shot.

I'm 5'11.75" w/o shoes and I've played every position but SG since my 1st step is awfully slow. I was always kind of small until I was 13. The following year I added 6 inches. That naturally made me transition to PF at the time as I was one of the tallest and played a little bit of center. I didn't mind it as my favorite players at the time were PFs and I had good anticipation crashing the boards and no problem boxing out opponents. Not continuing to grow further I kind of got too small and transitioned to SF and PG depending on the teams needs. But since I got lazy doing sports I weigh about 215 now, which took completely away my ability to defend properly, the thing I always took pride in. I was always assigned to guard the opponents best player regardless of position when I was young. So right now I'm mostly playing undersized Point Forward distributing the rock to whoever moves properly off the ball.
I have small hands which hurts my ability to handle the ball, but my court vision is good so I usually avoid getting trapped and manage to keep the dribble alive.
My GoTo Move is a crossover behind the back to change direction and create space that develops into a step back or runner.
 
I love letting people drive by me, then swat them off tge backboard. Or should I say loved... mid-life crises...
LOL. I love playing against people who defend like that. I learn to time them and jump of the wrong foot, or jump sidewards away, or stop and let them pass, or fake and jump into them drawing the foul.
 
Even with my bad knees, I'd love to play you and see this post up game. I'd swat your ***. Bring a camera... put money onit. I'm down.

Whoa there Archie, you move fast. Expecting to see my post up game and put it on video the first matchup we ever play? You have to prove yourself first. Because I'm betting I can face you up and net everything if you don't try to guard me close....and go right by you if do. Therefore busting out the post game would be akin to busting out the And1 streetball moves that don't advance my cause of putting points on the board blindingly fast - completely unnecessary.

No really though, we should. And Youtube it.
 
Whoa there Archie, you move fast. Expecting to see my post up game and put it on video the first matchup we ever play? You have to prove yourself first. Because I'm betting I can face you up and net everything if you don't try to guard me close....and go right by you if do. Therefore busting out the post game would be akin to busting out the And1 streetball moves that don't advance my cause of putting points on the board blindingly fast - completely unnecessary.

No really though, we should. And Youtube it.


Duck vs. Archie
 
"I play hard"

and

"I used to play football"

6'1" 215. Back in the day, I was Shawn Marion. I was athletic and could do everything out on the court. Depending on the matchup I played 1-4. Sometimes PG and other times PF. I was never selfish so I'd play good defense and would pass the rock around. I had a "killer" crossover that usually just goes off my shoe now.

I was that "glue" guy that could occasionally take over games by getting hot from 3, breaking ankles with a "killer-crossover", or scoring in the post. I never had that take-over a game instinct. I am LBJ and prefer to defer to guys like Archie to go dunk or something. I don't need to score just as long as I'm still involved in the offense. Which is why I hate playing at Golds. You'll get about 3 Vivint Salesmen who just go 1 on 5 every single time they touch the rock. Leaving most of us just standing there. Frustrating.

But now that my right ankle sucks and I don't play very often... I'm Boris Diaw most of the time and Matt Harpring (post S&M era) sometimes. Boris, because occasionally I'll surprise someone with a quick move/reverse layup to the basket and still can rebound decently. But my contributions are usually subtle with a good pass/good move here or there but nothing too big. My hook and up and under is still good as is my boxing out and defensive rebounding (offensive sucks). Sometimes I'm even Harpring and can make a good cut here and there but due to my lack of jumping ability will miss the easy shot/be bailed out by drawing a foul. I can still plow my large carcass into you. If I ever played Archie I'd Harpring vs T-Mac his pansy *** all game long. Be prepared to face my shoulder, my Malone-like kicks, and Manu flop to avoid the swat/draw fouls.

I played some ward ball this past winter and averaged 9 pts and 6 rebounds (I keep stats. I can still remember stats from years ago. Even football scores from when I played. I guess it's a gift?). It was a moderately competitive league.

I am devastating from the top of the key. Either with the jumper or a 1 dribble then Carlos-Loozer like finish with either hand. Force me to the wing or cornerand I'm useless as I'm probably not quick enough to drive anymore and my shot probably will miss. Post defense is fine. My 215 lbs frame prevents you from backing me down. Isolate me on the perimeter and you'll blow past my Harpring/Tinsley/Big Al like perimeter defense. It's that bad folks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvWqSmfjJuo
 
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Church ball is the onlt burn i get these days. I play every tues, wed, and thurs down at the local stake center. I LOVE D-FENCE!!!! With a passion. there is nothing like playing with a guy who thinks he is the real sh1Z and talking to ball away or swating a shot. I am 5 foot 11 but i am quick i have long arms and i can jump. I like playing phisical. i am a decent 3pt shooter. i have a very slow release so i dont do very well with midrange game. i am a decet ball handler. one of my major flaws is when i drive i go balls to the wall head down, so i miss alot of easy drop of pass opporunities. however i am a good finisher.

To sum up
***I am rarly the best player on my team, but i am the guy everybody wants to have on their team cause i hussle and play tenacious D.***

NOW WHEN IS PKM GOING TO RENT US A BLDG TO HAVE A JAZZFANZ BBALL NIGHT???? PKM? CALLING OUT TO YOU..
 
So you need 3 weeks of rest because of your big toe? And after that another 2 months to deal with the mental part?
 
Used to play several times a week. Sometimes as early as 5:30 AM or as late as 10:00 PM. I could guard 1-5 but on offense was definitely a SF/PF without a shot. Always near the paint.

But all that was several years and several surgeries (ankles and feet mostly) and several pounds ago (20ish would be a good start). Now I play with my kids out back. Sometimes us coaches will mess around a little or some upstart student challenges me to a game but that's only 2-3 times a year.

Now I dominate the weight room.

Have played some pickup games with Archie, Trout, and GVC I think. There's some others I'm missing. We used to play at the U and one time at the high school I teach at. Fun games.
 
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