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I did what many told me not to and I would like your wisdom, guys

Don't listen to the Turk. Spank your kid.

My dad beat the living snot out of me and my brothers growing up, and I HATED his guts for it... Until I was about 21. Then I realized that all that time, he was doing what he thought was right, and lo, it actually worked. My brothers and I are, to this day, some of the most respectful people I know. (this place doesn't count, because you're all ball sacks)

Look at it like a hot stove. If they touch it, it'll hurt like a sum'bitch, and they'll never do it again. Spank them, do like Colton says and get in their face, and they'll stop. (most of the time) Rinse and repeat as needed. It's amazing the difference in my kids' behavior after they've been with me for a day vs. being with my wife for the day. My wife, by the way, refuses to spank and is a fan of counting to three or time outs. Boy, that'll sure teach 'em! *face palm*
 
My take on the spanking thing is this:

Kids want to please their parents. Not taking anything away from children, but they are just like dogs in that they want to make you happy/proud of them. When they know you're unhappy/disappointed with them (or just as often they internalize your mood, regardless of why you're unhappy) it makes them sad. If the clearest way you can express your disappointment is to spank them then it will get the message across. I do, however, think there are equally effective means that do not involve spanking.
 
TroutBum said:
Don't listen to the Turk. Spank your kid.

My dad beat the living snot out of me and my brothers growing up, and I HATED his guts for it... Until I was about 21. Then I realized that all that time, he was doing what he thought was right, and lo, it actually worked. My brothers and I are, to this day, some of the most respectful people I know. (this place doesn't count, because you're all ball sacks)

Look at it like a hot stove. If they touch it, it'll hurt like a sum'bitch, and they'll never do it again. Spank them, do like Colton says and get in their face, and they'll stop. (most of the time) Rinse and repeat as needed. It's amazing the difference in my kids' behavior after they've been with me for a day vs. being with my wife for the day. My wife, by the way, refuses to spank and is a fan of counting to three or time outs. Boy, that'll sure teach 'em! *face palm*
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Counting works, if they know it will lead to something very unpleasant. You gotta make that connection first, then counting works great.
 
Gameface said:
My take on the spanking thing is this:

Kids want to please their parents. Not taking anything away from children, but they are just like dogs in that they want to make you happy/proud of them. When they know you're unhappy/disappointed with them (or just as often they internalize your mood, regardless of why you're unhappy) it makes them sad. If the clearest way you can express your disappointment is to spank them then it will get the message across. I do, however, think there are equally effective means that do not involve spanking.
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We used spanking to show the differing levels of behavior. If a behavior had to be stopped right now, a good solid swat on the butt was a shocker that got their attention. When my son pushed his little sister (who was 2 at the time) into the street on her hotwheel, he got a solid swat on the *** for it and never did it again. This was after my wife told him to stop twice. One swat took care of it. That was behavior that simply could not happen again. I think in that kind of situation it can be an effective tool. You need to get a system for discipline and follow it. Consistency matters, a lot. And different types of behavior require different discipline techniques, imo.

If all you ever do when disciplining is spanking (or the like), well you run a good chance of ending up with this:

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1 - sign language is amazing. You only 5-10 words, but it helps so much.

2 - they have their beds you have yours.

3 - there will come a time when your baby boy doesn't stop crying. You will be exhausted and angrier than you have ever felt in your life. It's ok to set him down, let him cry and go for a walk. He will be fine screaming his head off for 1/2 hour. You'll come back feeling a lot better and instead of anger, love. This was the best advice I ever received.
 
MK11 said:
By the way, TroutBum's post is excellent but except for one thing. For the love of the same Gods, DO NOT spank him no matter what. Why? Because he will think that you don't love him at the very moment of you spank him. It's that simple.

And, kids never forget (it). My father used to do it, probably on purpose of TroutBum's explanations, but I do remember that moments and how I was used to be angry with him at the times when he did that. And no, it has never ever worked on me. I just did more and more of the things he gets angry with, like peeing into his shoes, kicking his legs or running completely naked in the streets.

And here is another problem with it. At first, you will spank him at his bottom and no, it WON'T discipline him, he will do it again and again if he likes to do. Then you will spank him harder the next time. And maybe one day you will beat him(after all, what, you'll be used to hit him by the time). Plus, in my opinion, there won't be a big difference between being spanked or beaten for a little kid as a matter of fact, other than the pain degree.

I know there are lots of articles all over the internet about why and how you should spank your child but if you look for the contrary advices you'll find much more. Howower, if you are a religous person you may choose to spank him, because if I remember correct, in one of the Bibles, says "if you love your child, beat him/her slightly" or something like that.

And I think you shouldn't think like "Hey, what the hell, it's just a little ligth smack, it's not like I'm beating the hell out of him". Because, if a little light smack can really make it for the discipline, then you can easly find a lot more better ways.

And finally, needless to say, the discipline and the punishment are way different things.
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And my experience was very different. I got spanked on occasion. I remember it. That's when I knew I crossed the line from mere mischief to pure naughtiness. I have no ill feelings about it towards my parents, nor do I ever remember having them. I don't spank often, but I'm not afraid to. And I ALWAYS go back in after a minute and explain why I did it and re-emphasize my love for them. I NEVER punish without and an explanation of why they were punished and expressions of my love for them. And I'll echo colton's thoughts about getting down on eye level with them to explain things. Having some giant standing over them screaming and yelling (or even talking harshly) would be very intimidating to kids. And I agree with his thoughts that a little pro activeness will go a long way to deterring naughtiness.
 
I have a lot of advice that I've yet to try out on a child of my own, so I'll pass here.

Just wanted to add congrats to Archie and that to most of you, this is good stuff. When I make the best mistake of my life, I'll probably come back to this thread and take more earnest notes.
 
The only thing I'll add to this is that in my experience (babysitting full-time for an 18-month old nephew, and two nieces in early elementary for 8 months, in addition to having somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 nieces and nephews that are all in the same house with some frequency) treat kids like they're people. You don't need to baby talk them, or baby them in general. If they ask a question, answer it. Ask them questions. I think a lot of people would be amazed at how intelligent and responsive kids are if you treat them as intelligent. You get what you put in there.

As far as my results have been, again, I'm not a father, but the results I've had as both an uncle and as an authoritarian have impressed me. Maybe kids respond better to people that aren't their parents, and maybe they don't, but I've never really had a problem. If a kid does something wrong, telling them what it is, why, and in no uncertain terms goes a lot farther than most people would think.

This doesn't really apply to a newborn, but it will apply soon enough.
 
NUMBERICA said:
The only thing I'll add to this is that in my experience (babysitting full-time for an 18-month old nephew, and two nieces in early elementary for 8 months, in addition to having somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 nieces and nephews that are all in the same house with some frequency) treat kids like they're people. You don't need to baby talk them, or baby them in general. If they ask a question, answer it. Ask them questions. I think a lot of people would be amazed at how intelligent and responsive kids are if you treat them as intelligent. You get what you put in there.

As far as my results have been, again, I'm not a father, but the results I've had as both an uncle and as an authoritarian have impressed me. Maybe kids respond better to people that aren't their parents, and maybe they don't, but I've never really had a problem. If a kid does something wrong, telling them what it is, why, and in no uncertain terms goes a lot farther than most people would think.

This doesn't really apply to a newborn, but it will apply soon enough.
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I think how kids deal with things when their parents are not around is a direct reflection of the parenting they are receiving. Also yes treat your kids as people. I am a HUGE proponent of letting your children be who they are. not who i want them to be.

Also I dont count but will tell them "Do I need to say it again?" The purpose is the same.
 
TroutBum said:
Don't listen to the Turk. Spank your kid.

My dad beat the living snot out of me and my brothers growing up, and I HATED his guts for it... Until I was about 21. Then I realized that all that time, he was doing what he thought was right, and lo, it actually worked. My brothers and I are, to this day, some of the most respectful people I know. (this place doesn't count, because you're all ball sacks)

Look at it like a hot stove. If they touch it, it'll hurt like a sum'bitch, and they'll never do it again. Spank them, do like Colton says and get in their face, and they'll stop. (most of the time) Rinse and repeat as needed. It's amazing the difference in my kids' behavior after they've been with me for a day vs. being with my wife for the day. My wife, by the way, refuses to spank and is a fan of counting to three or time outs. Boy, that'll sure teach 'em! *face palm*
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Thanks to spanking?


Gameface said:
My take on the spanking thing is this:

Kids want to please their parents. Not taking anything away from children, but they are just like dogs in that they want to make you happy/proud of them. When they know you're unhappy/disappointed with them (or just as often they internalize your mood, regardless of why you're unhappy) it makes them sad. If the clearest way you can express your disappointment is to spank them then it will get the message across. I do, however, think there are equally effective means that do not involve spanking.
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There are. And knowing this should be enough to not spank.
 
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