I just got married. Advice?

[Scat]

I'm 37 and yet to marry. Mainly because Im categorically hideous and emotionally damaged. Also, as a result of online porn, I am extremely desensitized when it comes to coitus and view women in an unrealistic fashion.

Maybe you should just come out of the closet already.

 

[UB]

Also, to keep things romantic, always try and... uh... "enter through the back door". Its like the first moon landing.

Sometimes that **** happens by accident, too. Heat of the moment.

 

[VINYLONE]

Maybe you should just come out of the closet already.

I'm not sure what you mean.

 

[UB]

Just make sure she knows that you want to hang out with her and do things togethor. It seems the only time my wife really gets mad is when I go hang out with friends too much, golfing, basketball, man movies etc...

So if you have alot of close friends be careful about that.

This is my favorite superhero.

TOGETHOR

 

[AlaskanAssassin]

Marriage advice thread. I'll read this when I get back from my honeymoon in a week. haha

Is that a real photo? I'm pretty sure I saw that photo in a frame at Target.

 

[Gyp Rosetti]

Is that a real photo? I'm pretty sure I saw that photo in a frame at Target.

She's an angel.

****.

 

[sirkickyass]

She's an angel.

To quote my favorite television lawyer:

Denny: “Alan, Bev is the woman I’ve always dreamed of: an angel in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.”

Alan: "I think you have that backwards Denny."

Denny: "Not last night." *Long drag on cigar while swirling his scotch*

 

[Scat]

To quote my favorite television lawyer:

Denny: “Alan, Bev is the woman I’ve always dreamed of: an angel in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.”

Alan: "I think you have that backwards Denny."

Denny: "Not last night." *Long drag on cigar while swirling his scotch*

Denny. Denny Crane!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUvAo6sTtI

 

[kwb]

Even though you're married, don't let yourself go. Keep lifting hard for 5 months and then keep going. The pumps are great. Sorry, I couldn't resist. But seriously, congrats man!

 

[Revolution 9]

Does she like basketball and/or the Jazz?

 

[sktwstdfrk]

Not great advice, but I always find it funny when people ask for advice...

[video]https://comedians.jokes.com/dane-cook/videos/dane-cook---old-couple

 

[bigb]

Anyway, gay wad, hurry and have kids. The joy/fun/shininess of having a hot wife to bang wears off, and in a hurry -- but having kids is something new and exciting every day. You'll become closer to your wife, and you'll love deeper and more emotionally than you've ever imagined. You should stop at about 9 though -- anymore than that might be a bit excessive.

While I agree with 99% of this post, I'll disagree with the hurry up part. My wife and I waited 4 years, and I would have preferred to wait probably one more. We chose to start when we did because her brother died and his wife was pregnant, so we got pregnant so our kids could be close to the same age. But then again, you're like the same age right now as I was when I had my first kid, so you're situation is a little different than mine.
The rest of Trout's point is accurate though. Having kids makes me wonder how the hell I can love someone so much when they make me the most frustrated I've ever been.