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Sorry to hear about that man. I've dealt with a few suicidal attempts with my on again/off again girlfriend and they are horrid to go through.
 
Sorry to hear about that Serp, and thanks for sharing.

It's amazing how good of a journalist Woddy Paige can be when he actually tries.
 
Thanks to everyone for your words. I just got back from his service and it was amazing. Probably like 600 or 700 people showed up, maybe more, and it's great to know he made such an impression on people's lives.
 
God that's awful. All I would say is don't blame yourself. I'm sure that isn't easy. But there's no blame in something like this. Hang in there.
 
KrazeeEyezKilla said:
Okay, so I'll preface all this by saying I realize I am a complete dumbass on this board. I realize that but what I am about to say is 100% true. It happened. And I can only hope it will be read, pondered on, and taken to heart. Truly taken to heart. For some it may hit close to home. If it does, I apologize in advance. However my intentions are pure. I post it because I truly hope someone here reads it, and in some way, today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year, can turn it on end and into something positive.

On Friday night, my brother took his own life with one of his guns. He was 39. He was a great-looking man who taught like myself, though high school, and was extremely talented and passionate. He was extremely intelligent, went to a very good, 300+ year old college (I believe at the time he matriculated, it was the most selective college in the country--not that that's a tell-all but you get my point), was hard-working to a fault (had two Masters and always worked night jobs), was in amazing physical condition, was an amazing coach, very good rock climber who tackled the Gunks in NY which I think had 5-10's or 5-11"s he conquered for those of you who know what I'm talking about, a surfer of decent ability, great cook, and talented musician who had his own CD produced and put on I-tunes, though if I'm being honest probably doesn't mean much and wasn't my cup of tea. He had so, so much going for him. But he still took his own life.

I mention this because the signs were there. Despite all his amazing qualities, he was volatile. Though he was intense 24/7, almost no one other than myself or my parents probably saw it kicked up a few more notches into a scary side, and it was for this reason he and I didn't speak. We were probably only on speaking terms for about four out of the last 10 years. Out of my choice. Over that time, he had three different blow-ups after which I told my mother, "I don't need to be around that. I don't need that around my future children. His drama's ridiculous." It wasn't simple anger. He was complex and went through some things in his life which ultimately led to his demise. I said to my parents that he was a tortured soul who was always chasing something he couldn't find. And hell, I've thought that about him for years.

Again, the warning signs were there. I had literally said to my parents and a few other people that he'd probably take his own life or someone else's at some point. Thank God the latter didn't happen. And while I had essentially removed myself from his life, I can't help but feel some feelings of regret. Regret that I could have at least once called him or sent him an email trying to help. If I'm being honest with myself, I doubt he would have listened. But in my heart, I know I was the one he always unconditionally loved. Not my parents for childhood reasons which my brother never got over. Me.

But I did nothing about it. Others still can. Some of you may know someone who you believe needs help but like my brother doesn't want it. So what. Try. Be persistent. Be there for them full of love in your heart and try. Have others do the same. It can't hurt.

Maybe that's not totally true. Had my parents, specifically my dad really, been too persistent in trying to reach out, I think he may gone after my father. Knowing that rage was within him probably held me back from trying myself. I didn't want to be at the end of his barrel. But everyone is different. Use your best judgment, try (there are so many ways one can try) at least once to help a loved one or someone who you may not even be that close to who you feel needs a helping hand. I'm not saying to pity them. Pity is ******** and offensive and people can see it a mile away.

I don't want anyone to pity me. It is what it is. Volatile people do volatile things especially when other elements which I'd rather not divulge are involved. But do the right thing and reach out to people when you think they need the help.

Do the right thing.

I love you brother.
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KEK, I found out about an hour ago my oldest brother OD. Please, if any of you have advice or uplifting words, let me know. I want to be with family right now, but I'm scared. I don't know if I can take seeing everyone crying and stuff cause it would kill me. My head is spinning right now.
 
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Man, KEK, I had no idea...dude, I am very, very sorry.

Archie, sorry to hear about your brother man. Now is the time to be with family and stuff...Im sure they need you. Try to be strong. And don't worry about "being scared" and stuff. You should be. Its a traumatizing experience to say the least. Again, be strong and be with your family. They need your comforting.
 
VINYLONE said:
Man, KEK, I had no idea...dude, I am very, very sorry.

Archie, sorry to hear about your brother man. Now is the time to be with family and stuff...Im sure they need you. Try to be strong. And don't worry about "being scared" and stuff. You should be. Its a traumatizing experience to say the least. Again, be strong and be with your family. They need your comforting.
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Agreed.

Your mom and dad will need you just as much as your other siblings. Stay strong man.
 
Archie Moses said:
KEK, I found out about an hour ago my oldest brother took his life. Please, if any of you have advice or uplifting words, let me know. I want to be with family right now, but I'm scared. I don't know if I can take seeing everyone crying and stuff cause it would kill me. My head is spinning right now.
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Archie, I was going to send you a PM but changed my mind, thinking perhaps speaking on the phone may be better. I texted you regarding such. Call me when you get a chance if you're up for it.

If not, I understand and I am so, so sorry. Stay strong and be there for your family and friends. Again, my heart goes out to you.
 
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Wow, I am incredibly sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you and your brothers' loved ones.
 
Wow. That is probably the worst thing someone can experience. My heart goes out to both of you. I have experienced that twice (nephew committed suicide at 16, brother-in-law at 35). I can say Archie that it is almost always best to be with your family if you have the means. It is tough, but usually the best way to work through the anger and the grief. And don't be afraid of or try to quell any emotions. Everything is in play and legitimate. For my nephew I was of course sad but also felt guilt that maybe I could have helped him more or got him more involved with my kids (there were signs there too....there almost always are when we look back). But I was also seriously pissed at him that he did that to his mom and dad and my parents (grandma and grandpa). I know he was fighting those battles alone and didn't "do" anything to them but I still felt that way. It is ok to feel what you feel. It is also important to remember you are not alone.

Also, it will pass. You will get through it. Family helps, so do friends. And if needs be don't be afraid to seek out counseling, it is not a sign of weakness. I did when my bro-in-law took his life. We were pretty close. I couldn't just snap out of it and my wife got me to go to a crisis counselor. It helped dramatically. Helped me realize the thing about emotions I mentioned, and that it was ok to go on with life and even ok to feel happy again.

At the risk of sounding sappy I guarantee you will be in many of our prayers tonight. And I am sure vinyl and the others will send positive thoughts your way.
 
Archie Moses said:
KEK, I found out about an hour ago my oldest brother took his life. Please, if any of you have advice or uplifting words, let me know. I want to be with family right now, but I'm scared. I don't know if I can take seeing everyone crying and stuff cause it would kill me. My head is spinning right now.
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Just wanted to clear up he didn't take his life (didn't commit suicide). He overdosed. Wow, today really, really sucks. Man, I'm going to miss him so much.
 
Archie Moses said:
KEK, I found out about an hour ago my oldest brother took his life. Please, if any of you have advice or uplifting words, let me know. I want to be with family right now, but I'm scared. I don't know if I can take seeing everyone crying and stuff cause it would kill me. My head is spinning right now.
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Archie,
The best thing for you to do is be with your family.
I never knew anyone close to me who took their own life, but my father died prematurely. I know what it's like losing someone much too soon. At this time there really aren't many words that will make you feel better, but being with family will help a lot. You have each other to support and lean on. I know having family around really helped my mom. Always remember the good times you had and share favorite stories with your family. Being with your family will be hard, but it makes you feel a lot better.
 
Sincere condolences Archie, and whatever you're feeling - it's probably natural so don't dwell on whether or not your feelings are right or wrong - - if you truly feel you need a little time before you deal with your other family members and their feelings, take it.
Trust your judgment. Family dynamics can get weird during times of stress - and grief certainly produces its own kind of stress. Try to find a way to be with your family members that's comfortable for you.

again, so sorry for your loss.
 
Arch, I know you and I have our differences and I ride you pretty hard but this is just horrid. Please believe me when I say I feel for you and your family.

My family has recently gone through a very difficult time and the emotional part of it sucks but the second guessing that you'll do and thinking about what you could have done to prevent it is worse. You'll find ways to blame yourself on some level and will feel guilty for weeks even though rationally, you know it wasn't yours or anybody else's fault.

Hang tough and please don't avoid your family. If you don't feel like talking to them, then just show up and listen. You don't have to say anything but your being there will give others comfort. Don't take it personally and keep reminding yourself that others hurt just as much as you do. I think that when we start feeling sorry for ourselves and think that others can't possibly feel as bad as we do is when things start to go south, quickly. Try to avoid the pity party and realize how bad this is for everyone.

Hang tough. You'll get through it.
 
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KEK, that's terrible. But you can't take any blame for it. You are allowed to feel that maybe you should've been in his life with this turn of events, but that's hindsight. You can't sweat it.

Archie, that's absolutely terrible. I can't even imagine what that would be like right now and I wouldn't pretend like I can. But I can tell you that you need your family and your family needs you. Screw being strong, weep to your hearts content. If you feel you need that, then do it. If you avoid your family during this time, the pain of regret will become unbearable. Be there for them, they'll be there for you.
 
I am sorry to hear this for both of you. It is extremely sad when things in someones life are so bad that they would take there own life.
 
KEK and Archie, we all love you guys. If we ever come off with a tough-guy facade, it's because we're all lame, faux tough-guys on the internet. If we can do anything to help then please let us know.

I will at least share some experiences (oh god, I'm at work and about to break down right now.. how embarrassing), as I had a very dear person to me pass very quickly and unexpectedly after a long fight with cancer. I'll tell you that it's going to be hard, and you'll have really unexpected times of ups and downs - I actually broke down crying in a Smith's parking lot the day after she died. I felt really upset at how a lot of people acted at her funeral - as if this was a routine thing. It was really hard, and you don't know how much you appreciate somebody until they're gone.

Things will always remind you of the person you were close to, and you'll miss them, sure, but after a couple of weeks you'll start to see pictures of them or things that remind you of them, and be happy that you knew them, rather than sad that they're gone. I at least take solace in a sort of belief that you'll see them again, someday. I can't explain the afterlife or even life itself, but it's mysterious and it would be a flat-out cheat if you couldn't see the ones you loved after this life. So, I'll go on to say: you'll see them again, and the circumstances will be much better.

It'll be okay. We love you. Lots of people are willing to support you and help out however we can. Just let us know.
 
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