Reverse Pet Peeves

[franklin]

While I love this atmosphere of finally listening to women, I am not sure that all of these guys should be fired so quickly. But then we only hear what is printed, not the actual allegations.

While I agree, I think scope creep has gone way overboard. For example, I could possibly get in trouble for telling a woman that her hair looks especially nice today. I don't know a single woman who wouldn't appreciate such a compliant and would consider that sexual harassment without other circumstantial reasons.

This sexual harassment line is continuously being redrawn further into wacky prudish territory.

*edit to change to wouldn't

 

[LogGrad98]

While I agree, I think scope creep has gone way overboard. For example, I could possibly get in trouble for telling a woman that her hair looks especially nice today. I don't know a single woman who would appreciate such a compliant and would consider that sexual harassment without other circumstantial reasons.

This sexual harassment line is continuously being redrawn further into wacky prudish territory.

This has actually been building for a long time. It is part of the whole social shift that caused universities to bring in grief counselors when Hillary lost. It is the "offense and outrage" epidemic. Everything is offensive to someone and the social media boom is fueling the propensity and social acceptance (and complicity) of turning every perceived slight into a reason for mass outrage and to destroy the individual or group. It is rapidly suppressing free thought if you do not agree with what you are supposed to agree with. You will be bullied into submission.

The current #metoo movement, which is a long time coming, is going to ride the wave of this to a lot of people getting decimated who do not deserve it, even while it serves a valid purpose. It is kind of the opposite of most liberal views of say, the death penalty, where the mantra is "The death penalty does not send a message, I would rather let 1000000 guilty men go free than execute a single innocent person" only in this case it is "everyone accused needs to be destroyed, regardless of their innocence or guilt, in order to send a message". Frankly, as a person in a position of power in my job it is more than a little disconcerting.

 

[JazzGal]

While I agree, I think scope creep has gone way overboard. For example, I could possibly get in trouble for telling a woman that her hair looks especially nice today. I don't know a single woman who would appreciate such a compliant and would consider that sexual harassment without other circumstantial reasons.

This sexual harassment line is continuously being redrawn further into wacky prudish territory.

If a woman appreciates a compliment about her hair, then you aren't going to be charged with harassment.

However, men often do not understand what is a compliment and what is harassment. If you have any sort of tone or words that suggest anything of a sexual component to the compliment, you might be in trouble. There is a big difference between making a simple statement and adding a whistle or a leer to it. Part of wanting to be treated equal is for men to not make compliments about putting women in a lesser place - and making a woman feel her only value is her looks does exactly that.

 

[bigb]

If a woman appreciates a compliment about her hair, then you aren't going to be charged with harassment.

However, men often do not understand what is a compliment and what is harassment. If you have any sort of tone or words that suggest anything of a sexual component to the compliment, you might be in trouble. There is a big difference between making a simple statement and adding a whistle or a leer to it. Part of wanting to be treated equal is for men to not make compliments about putting women in a lesser place - and making a woman feel her only value is her looks does exactly that.

The problem I see is that I may not be intending to or trying to put any kind of "sexual component" or tone to the compliment, but she somehow perceives it that way. I don't work with women that I see regularly, so I don't have to worry about it, but if I did, I would just simply not say anything. But then I am perceived as an ******* for not complimenting some lady for her hair after she worked extra hard on it.

 

[Ron Mexico]

The problem I see is that I may not be intending to or trying to put any kind of "sexual component" or tone to the compliment, but she somehow perceives it that way. I don't work with women that I see regularly, so I don't have to worry about it, but if I did, I would just simply not say anything. But then I am perceived as an ******* for not complimenting some lady for her hair after she worked extra hard on it.

I never compliment women's looks, attractiveness, lack of or anything else of that nature at work. It is not the place to do that. I am not perceived as an ******* for not commenting on their looks, maybe in other ways though.

Likewise I have never commented on men's looks that I work with and never had anyone get upset.

I have commented about something in a non sexual or looks way. For example I have told a co-worker man and women that their new shoes are cool.

I think the line is pretty easy to see and not cross and have never had an issue with it. Work is never a place for hitting on people in general and you should never sexualize or hit on people if you are their boss or superior in a work place.

I think the majority of women dont want to be hit on at work or have people people comment on their personal appearance. They are not dressing that way for you.

Yes, your wife/girlfriend/friend/family member is different and might expect you to comment and get offended if you dont, that is very different.

 

[franklin]

I found what I thought was a quarter and put it in my pocket, then in the drawer I store all my pocket stuff like keys, wallet, etc. in. A few days later I noticed that it wasn't round, it was more slightly octagonal shaped. It turned out to be a 1979 Susan B. Anthony $1 coin.

That simple thing made my day.

 

[franklin]

If a woman appreciates a compliment about her hair, then you aren't going to be charged with harassment.

However, men often do not understand what is a compliment and what is harassment. If you have any sort of tone or words that suggest anything of a sexual component to the compliment, you might be in trouble. There is a big difference between making a simple statement and adding a whistle or a leer to it. Part of wanting to be treated equal is for men to not make compliments about putting women in a lesser place - and making a woman feel her only value is her looks does exactly that.

I think you missed the part where I said "without other circumstantial reasons". A simple "hi" in the elevator said in the wrong tone or body language can be considered sexual advancement. But I guess my point is there is a difference between a simple compliment, sexual advancement (which is normal human behavior), sexual harassment, and sexual assault.

 

[NAOS]

But then I am perceived as an ******* for not complimenting some lady for her hair after she worked extra hard on it.

No you wouldn't be.

 

[Gameface]

#1 way to avoid sexually harassing people: Be very very good looking.

 

[LogGrad98]

The problem I see is that I may not be intending to or trying to put any kind of "sexual component" or tone to the compliment, but she somehow perceives it that way. I don't work with women that I see regularly, so I don't have to worry about it, but if I did, I would just simply not say anything. But then I am perceived as an ******* for not complimenting some lady for her hair after she worked extra hard on it.

Perception always trumps intentions, no doubt. This is legally so as well. Intention may help mitigate severity or degree of the offense, but the offense is valid if it is perceived as an offense, period.

 

[LogGrad98]

I think you missed the part where I said "without other circumstantial reasons". A simple "hi" in the elevator said in the wrong tone or body language can be considered sexual advancement. But I guess my point is there is a difference between a simple compliment, sexual advancement (which is normal human behavior), sexual harassment, and sexual assault.

I told you saying "hey my future baby-mama you fine thang" was NOT an appropriate way to greet people, especially alone in elevators.

 

[franklin]

The frost covering on all the trees in the "canyon" near the point of the mountain this morning on the train. It's beautiful when the fog condenses into snow on the bare trees and all the weeds.