I apologize in advance for the depressing aspects of the following.
I've been thinking some about this because I now have a disease that will kill me in a few years (barring the proverbial bus or a miracle cure). Poor health for the past decade has caused a decrease in my salary/earning capability of more than 50%. I live in my mother's basement. My car is 11 years old. I haven't done anything great and glorious in the eyes of the world. I haven't had children so have no future legacy. I now have a list of activities that I will never be able to do again. However . . .
I'm discovering that none of that matters much. In trying to find meaning in my life, I realize that it consists of the memories I've made, the people I love, living in the present moment, and the little things that make me happy (a good laugh, a meaningful conversation, a wonderful book, an entertaining movie, a hug from a child). And I feel so grateful. I'm proud of my life. I've done pretty well with what I have been given, and I like the person I've become. I have so many amazing people in my life that I love and who love me. I have tried to leave the world a little bit better than I have found it. Those are the minimal accomplishments that I need to have had a full life. No one will be begging to write my biography, and no one will remember me in 100 years, and that's just fine with me.
My wife thought she was going to die a few years ago. I thought she was going to shoot me first. There was a huge blowup and she took off, went to see her mother, took a walk in the park in Stokesville, aka Cedar City. A woman approached her sympathetically, saying she knew what she was going through, and told of her own imminent passing. Said the hardest thing about it was leaving her children behind. Said it was only a few more months for her, said the realization came to her that from God's point of view, her kids were His kids too. . .. an understanding that God feels much like we do, seeing His children come here, looking forward to their return. She said she realized that even with her gone, she'd "be with them in Spirit", as God can be with us, if we let Him.
Anyway, my fire-breathing wife who had been so upset for me and my cavalier uncaringness, as she took it on noticing that I was not just all broken up with her illness exactly. . . . called me up, and demanded I give her one of those Mormon "blessings". I said I had no blessing to give, all I could do was whatever God would do through me. Again she was upset, said how uncaring I was. I said only God could really give a blessing, and that it would depend on her faith, not mine, but that I would talk to some people I knew whom I thought could help. I decided I needed to work on my attitude to prepare for what she was asking, I got the people together to come help.
When the day came, and the blessing was given, she experienced a profound peace about it all. The Blessing was that since she had lived a life of service to others, she would live to raise her daughters. I sensed that God's plan had been changed, that whereas she had been about to be called home, she was given some more time. It was because of the lady in the park in Cedar City that any of this happened. I could not even know who she was, but I am deeply indebted to her for making a difference. Talking about her pain in regard to not being able to be with her children really triggered a change in my wife.
Well, I wouldn't guess you're Mormon, but I think this sort of thing happens with all kinds of people. There are not any people God does not love, Even Siro. Even my father who was such a scientist he couldn't see the sense in religion. We're only here for a few years. We get to live under circumstances of objective liberty to think as we please, and, well, despite governmental and managerial types with extensive lists of what we must do, we still get to fundamentally do what we want. It's a time of self-awareness, of personal choosing. And then we go home, and get to think about it all some more.
After all is said and done, I have made it my main point to show God that I love Him with the choices of my life.
When I was seventeen, the prettiest and nicest girl in the high school decided to be my friend, sat herself down next to me in all our classes, smiled, talked, and praised me. I was a bit backward, had never dated anyone. True, she knew my family, she was in my ward, my sister had been the regular babysitter when she had been a child, her father was my bishop, all that. One day, after an after-school extra-credit experiment in the chemistry lab we did together, she just started talking personal stuff, said some things about marriage, talked about her married older sister..... I had a sort of clear realization, an epiphany of sorts, an undeniable realization that she was not going live to get married. I couldn't say anything about it, I just kept that in mind. I think it helped me to open up some and be that same kind of appreciative friend that she was. No pressure, no nonsense. She was the best friend I ever had, though my present wife is running up a record of service that should rank her in the same class. The wife does a higher sort of service in telling me everything that's wrong with me, God bless her, even while she insists she loves me more than anyone ever could.
The nice classmate who told me all the things she admired in me was killed a few years later, in a car crash. The driver was having a hard time in the hospital knowing it was "his fault" she died. My friend had worked in that hospital, and some people asked me to go talk to him. I went, and told him some stuff about her and how I knew she was OK. A few years later, her parents told me how that daughter had clearly spoken to them, and warned them of danger that would have cost their lives.
When I think of the next life, I think of her. Well, and of my mom, and grandfather, and some other friends. . . It can't be so bad, really.
I had considered her "angelic" when she was here. Stuff like this is not so uncommon, really, most people dismiss it as fanciful thinking or just don't talk about it, or if they do, not very often.
You've got some time, you know some people who matter a lot to you. Do stuff with them, for them. Tell them you love them. These connections will make a difference. You will be building bridges between now and eternity.
