I would like to see some things change that focus mostly on toughness (both mental and physical) and an increase in competitive drive from top to bottom. A lot of people say it can't be done, but this is what I would like to see:
The Millers sell the team to Donald Trump. As part of the purchase, the Millers will get to retain CJ Miles.
KOC is either let go or traded back to Philly for a cheesesteak. He is replaced by Charles Barkley, who will also be eating the cheesesteak.
Randy Rigby is given a handsome severance package and is replaced by Rod Blagojevich.
Hornacek is promoted to head coach with John Stockton as his first assistant and Karl Malone as second assistant. Antoine Carr is brought on as a player development coach.
Jose Canseco is brought on as an additional strength and conditioning coach.
The league allows the balls to fall where they will and we land the #1 and #2 pick, where we take Irving and Williams.
We trade Harris to Portland in a sign-and-trade for Greg Oden.
Hoffa is brought back for toughness and ability to lay down hard fouls and flagrants to send a message.
Jerry is brought back, this time as a player, to be our defensive specialist off the bench playing 12-16 mpg.
We use whatever portion of our MLE necessary to sign Shane Battier.
Energy Solutions Arena is renamed to Larry H. Miller Arena.
Bolerjack is let go and replaced by Rush Limbaugh. Ron Boone is brought back up to television to team with him. Harpring is retained but has to move down to replace Steve Brown.
Hot Rod re-opens his restaurant and a promotional night is held at ESA (now LHM Arena) when there is a national broadcast and during half time Hot Rod gets into a fist right with Mark Jackson.
Bell is traded. This I am unsure of where he should go or what we should get, but I have the following ideas: to Real Madrid for Raul Lopez, to the Anaheim Kings for Disneyland tickets for our championship celebration, or to the Indiana Pacers for the rights to Chris Mullin. I'm not sure if any of the teams will bite on the above offers, so if it gets down to it I'd call up all of his previous teams that are familiar with his services -- Phoenix Suns, Golden State Warriors, or the Harlem Globetrotters -- and see if we can't get a restaurant from any of those locales that has been featured on Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives. We'll move said restaurant to LHM Arena. If still nobody bites, we can call the Washington Generals and tell them he's there's for whatever they offer.
After seeing Andrei really excited about staying in Utah and how he doesn't want to leave, I feel bad telling him to leave but I still don't want him on the team. We'll make him the same $5M offer to stay in Utah and play in Orem. We'll give him guaranteed minutes and even pull Nissalke away from broadcasting to give him the head coaching gig with a comission to build an offense entirely centered around AK.
Memo comes back healthy.
Mark Eaton is brought back for a limited role in being our defensive anchor down low coming off the bench. In conjunction with the one above (Memo healthy) I figure that perhaps we could do hockey substitutions or do it in football with an offense and a defense. Perhaps if we keep each of them on one end of the court without ever having them cross the half-court line, that way it's always 5 on 5, that the league will let it slide.
Bring back Fes. His knee to Kobe alone was worth him coming back. Eaton can coach and work with him, and perhaps we could even bring in Arvydas Sabonis as a mentor for him.
Package the rights to Tomic in addition to the rights to Kaniel Dickens and trade it to Minnesota for the rights to Ricky Rubio.
People may say that this is way too expensive, but I have some creative ways we could make back some of the money (aside from more ticket and jersey sales because we're more competitive). First, we could make Derick Williams wear #8 so we can clear our all that old merchandise at a higher price. Second, we will fire Gary Briggs (saving his salary) and throughout the season we will bring on a bunch of potential trainers (ranging from Jarron Collins, to washed up celebrities, to fans who won contests) to compete in a special edition of The Apprentice. There are a lot of little money-saving ideas like this that I have, but overall I think we make more money because everyone in the organization is competitive and won't take **** from anyone. Despite our small market, this gives us a big splash to be in the big time.
