A guy is at the bar with a couple of his buddies. He has had a bit too much to drink and throws up all over his shirt. He says, "Oh, no, my wife is going to really let me have it tonight. How am I ever going to explain this?"
One of his friends leans over and says, "Don't worry. When your wife asks you about it, say 'I only had one drink, but the guy next to me was drunk out of his mind and threw up all over my shirt! He even put ten dollars in my pocket to get it clean.'' Then, his friend slips ten dollars in his pocket.
When the man arrives home that night, sure enough, his wife lays into him. "What the hell did you do, goddamn drunkard? You're a worthless sack of ****!" she exclaims.
He says, "Calm down, honey, calm down. I only had one drink, but the guy next to me was out of control and he ended up puking all over my shirt! I can prove it because he even put ten dollars in my pocket to get it cleaned."
His wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the bill. "Wait a minute, there's twenty dollars in here" she says.
He replies, "Yeah, I know, he crapped in my pants too."