What's new
By:

Did you have doubts when you got married?

The Thriller

The Thriller

Well-Known Member
Did you feel anxious or have doubts before you got married? What were they? Looking back now, were their legit?

When contemplating marriage, should one really consider their race, financial matters, etc? But what if both parties appear to really want to "work things out?" Does "love" really overcome the stress, the differences, and the doubts?

thoughts?
 
What Hobo said.

I recently told my mom I probably won't get married and she probably won't have any grandkids. She got pretty upset.
 
I think it's natural to have anxiety/be nervous about getting married. That's a pretty major change. Did I have doubts? No. But my wife and I are high school sweethearts. By the time we got married, we'd been dating for almost 6 years. There wasn't much I didn't know about my wife by then. I'd seen her in just about every situation possible. Not much left to be surprised by.
 
It depends on how much you value the idea itself.

For me, marriage looks like bad news. In a general sense, it just seems like a life-ruiner. But if you have lived some life and so has your partner, that erases a lot of the problems. I personally think that age of consent to marry should be at least 21. Same with tattoos.
 
I never had doubts at the time we were getting married but I think most people do during the marriage. I think the biggest change for me was once we were married my wife thought my friends all die off. Which is now something we fight about the most. But I have a very close group of friends and we still like to hang out.

Anyway marriage is hard and it was never meant to be easy. I actually think having kids made marriage a lot more fun and easy because teamwork is essential. We have 2 little girls and doing family stuff is tons of fun. Marriage is hard, but I don't think its as hard as growing old alone without experiencing having children and seeing them grow up. Being single might be appealing when were young. But when you're old and ugly and come home to an empty house every night the appeal will be a distant memory.
 
NUMBERICA said:
I personally think that age of consent to marry should be at least 21.
Click to expand...

Agreed - although I'll add a guy shouldn't even think about getting married until they're 30.

Your 20's are meant for 3 things:

Finish school
Find some sort of career path where you can make a living
Get an idea of who you are as an adult and what you want out of life.

Anything else is an invitation to unecessary complications in your life.
 
Honestly I think having some doubts is a good thing. If you rush into marriage thinking it's going to be peachy every day for the next 50 years you are obviously delusional.
 
I didn't but I think I am the exception. Started dating the future wife in middle school.
 
I think if you don't get cold feet at least a little, then you aren't taken it seriously enough. It is a life-changing thing for more than just the 2 of you. It is worth a little trepidation and reflection if you are going to make it right. I think that a little doubt at the outset is a good thing, personally.

In my experience, the people who just dive in are the ones most likely to bail out.
 
Beantown said:
I know he was almost as bad as Heaps.
Click to expand...

I'm just glad that Chuckie isn't LDS (and going on a mission) so BYU won't have the chance to try to steal him.

As to the marriage question, in my personal experience it depends on how committed you both are to making it work. If one or both of you walk into the marriage with one foot out the door then I wouldn't make any plans for a second honeymoon (with your first wife that is).
 
Surely said:
I'm just glad that Chuckie isn't LDS (and going on a mission) so BYU won't have the chance to try to steal him.

As to the marriage question, in my personal experience it depends on how committed you both are to making it work. If one or both of you walk into the marriage with one foot out the door then I wouldn't make any plans for a second honeymoon (with your first wife that is).
Click to expand...

Dude, if you want Riley Nelson back, we will be more than happy to exchange him for Brother Turbin.
 
jazz_fanatic said:
What Hobo said.

I recently told my mom I probably won't get married and she probably won't have any grandkids. She got pretty upset.
Click to expand...

No worries, somebody will settle for you once all the Japanese girls are off the market. It's the Asian pecking order. Respect it.
 
The Thriller said:
When contemplating marriage, should one really consider their race, financial matters, etc?
Click to expand...

Yes to both. Couples from similar backgrounds have one less stress in their marriage, and race is certainly a part of an individual's background. I've known several interracial couples that have been happily married, but it's not something you should do without due consideration.

And I think it's well-known that financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. You should have similar goals, and financial matters certainly qualify as a goal that should be discussed.

But what if both parties appear to really want to "work things out?" Does "love" really overcome the stress, the differences, and the doubts?
Click to expand...

True love, where both individuals put the well-being of the other as their top priority, probably does. But not without planning and commitment.
 
NUMBERICA said:
For me, marriage looks like bad news. In a general sense, it just seems like a life-ruiner. But if you have lived some life and so has your partner, that erases a lot of the problems.
Click to expand...

I actually think the opposite. In my opinion it's easier to merge two individuals into a single marriage if both have been single adults for, say, 4-5 years, than if they have both been single adults for, say 14-15 years. I don't know if there are stats on it, but I'd guess low 20's (done or close to done with college) have a lower rate of divorce than low 30's.
 
candrew said:
Agreed - although I'll add a guy shouldn't even think about getting married until they're 30.

Your 20's are meant for 3 things:

Finish school
Find some sort of career path where you can make a living
Get an idea of who you are as an adult and what you want out of life.

Anything else is an invitation to unecessary complications in your life.
Click to expand...

i agreee about 30
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page
Back
Top