I stay because I still consider myself to be a believer – in what…I’m not totally sure. But my heart and soul still impel me to believe in some higher purpose, or power. And when I listen really carefully, I still feel moved and inspired by the whisperings.
I stay because even when I don’t always agree with what is being said across the pulpit --I still feel spiritual nourishment when I attend Sunday church services, General Conference, or when I listen to Music and the Spoken Word -- if I’m open to feeling it,that is. There are spiritual truths in Mormonism that still ring true to me – as inexplicable as this may sound to my non-believing friends.
I stay because I believe that, when functioning at its best, this church is a splendidly beautiful thing to behold – blessing the lives of millions across the globe. Does it occasionally harm people – in some cases irreparably? Absolutely. But to me, the brilliance is also undeniable.
I stay because I believe that if this life has an “enemy,” the LDS church is not it. The elements that vex all of us so-called “liberals” in the church -- bias, political extremism,
closed-mindedness, ignorance, ostracization, bigotry, abuse, backbiting, etc.-- exist pretty much everywhere, including--and maybe especially--within more liberal institutions, and even within liberal podcasts and podcast communities. These frailties are inextricably tied to the human condition. To escape them, you not only have to jettison religion – but human interaction as well.
I stay because the church continually reminds and motivates me to try harder to be a good father, and a good husband. And I need these reminders.
I stay because many of the ordinances, covenants and commandments that I have participated in or observed, still have value and meaning to me.
I stay because I believe in what Jews and Catholics have already demonstrated – which is that major world religions can, eventually, adjust to accommodate varying shades of
belief and disbelief, orthodoxy and heterodoxy. This is, in fact, how they survive. Consequently, I believe that it is now our turn, as Mormons, to figure out how to do this –
how to save our culture…our heritage…and yes…our church. I believe that, in fact, we ARE doing this, and that the past few years, and the next several more, will go down in
the Mormon history books as being particularly influential in helping to create more diverse spaces within the church. I believe that what could be called “Reform Mormonism” is already happening – but that it is happening within the church, instead of as a schism.
I stay because I believe that all Mormons are cafeteria Mormons – some are just more open about it, or aware of it, than are others. For me, having gone inactive for a time, and then coming back to the church on my own terms…as an outed semi-believer…was a crucial step in losing the anger that I once felt towards the church.
I stay because my parents, siblings, children, and most of my in-laws have chosen to remain in the church, in spite of my candor with them, and I want to be able to stay
connected to them in this sacred, meaningful part of our lives.
I stay because I don’t like my children having to sit alone during sacrament meeting, and because nothing better has come along for my family and me. Not yet, anyway.
I stay because of the positive fruits of Mormonism that I regularly witness in the lives of everyday Mormons. Flaws acknowledged, my experience is that in general, Mormons tend to be honest, sincere, hardworking, selfless people who are trying to do what’s right – and this can make them really good neighbors and friends.
I stay because, even with as much room as the church still has to grow, I see it moving in the right direction: away from destructive doctrines and theology, towards historical
candor. Even towards accepting, loving and embracing those of us who were once deemed enemies to the church. Yes the church is slow to change – but it is changing, arguably at a faster rate than it ever has before. And we should give credit where credit is due.
I stay because I do not want to throw away or forget the history, culture, heritage and identity that made me who I am. If you cut a tree down, and try to re-plant it--without its root system— it will not grow. It just dies. And just as a tree needs its root system to grow, I believe that many of us will grow best if we hang on to our heritage and history, our culture, our identity, our social and spiritual roots. Wholesale rejection of my Mormon heritage does not feel healthy – for me, anyway. For me it would feel like
cutting off a limb.
I stay because I still love this church. As dysfunctional, as broken and as misguided as it behaves sometimes – it is no more dysfunctional, broken or misguided than I am – if
I’m being honest with myself.
I stay because maintaining my membership increases my ability and influence to effect positive change within the church.
I stay because I can’t imagine ever shedding my core Mormon identity, or leaving it behind. I am Mormon, to the bone, and always will be. As Joanna Brooks likes to say, it
doesn’t just wash off.
Finally, I stay as perhaps my last, great act of religious faith. I believe – in my heart – that this big, beautiful, and clumsy thing called Mormonism -- that we have loved for so
long -- is somehow big enough and strong enough to withstand, welcome, and even embrace doubters, strugglers, and heretics like us--flaws and all.
I’ll close by reading from 1 Corinthians 12: “The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. But God has put the body together,
giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”
In the end, I stay because Christ’s invitation appears to be open and welcoming to all --even to Mormons like us. Maybe even especially to Mormons like us. Thank you.
