The problem isn't official church policy.
The problem is members who treat gays and gay issues in a dismissive or disdainful manner. Not very Christ-like, IMO.
The church can talk about loving everyone until they're blue in the face - it's up to the membership to walk the walk, and generally they're doing a piss poor job.
Have you noticed a difference in members' views on gay marriage from state to state?
Or from age?
Just curious, as Utah tends to have its' share of members who are VERY opinionated. Furthermore, the older members tend to be more stubborn and set in their ways... Sometimes very senile... I remember 1 in my family ward growing up who would attempt to predict the 2nd coming nearly every time he "bore testimony." Which... Was never a testimony. It was, Bro. x would stand up and prophesy to feel important for 10 mins.
One of the main reasons why I can't stand family wards. Their testimony meetings (between the kids running around and parents not caring) are filled with a bunch of women merely wanting to praise their neighbors or cry their eyes out, fathers wanting to talk about travel stories/burn other members, and smartass kids trying to be funny. Say a quick 1-2 minute testimony and sit your butt down. Loved Brazil's simple testimony meetings.
In my singles ward, we have 2 men (that I know of) who served missions and who are homosexual. I'll be honest, I'm pretty good friends with 1 of them and don't really see much prejudice against him. Fellow members don't talk bad about him behind his back. He isn't judged. If anything, most of us respect him, enjoy his comments and insights, and understand that whatever deal you're going through (be it unemployment, porn, loneliness, homosexuality, etc) sucks. It's our duty and opportunity to help lift others up.
My singles ward, though it lacks bigtime in hotties (as I've stated before, we're like the Wizards or Bobcats of hotties. Not bueno) the men are way cool. There are some good hardworking men who help with anything.
Though this homosexual friend of mine may feel comfortable and not judged in this singles ward, I have to imagine that a family ward with a bunch of old-timers might not be as understanding...
Just curious as to what you've observed and also offering my 2cents....