What's new

Please think before posting

Gyp Rosetti

Banned
Okay, so I'll preface all this by saying I realize I am a complete dumbass on this board. I realize that but what I am about to say is 100% true. It happened. And I can only hope it will be read, pondered on, and taken to heart. Truly taken to heart. For some it may hit close to home. If it does, I apologize in advance. However my intentions are pure. I post it because I truly hope someone here reads it, and in some way, today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year, can turn it on end and into something positive.

On Friday night, my brother took his own life with one of his guns. He was 39. He was a great-looking man who taught like myself, though high school, and was extremely talented and passionate. He was extremely intelligent, went to a very good, 300+ year old college (I believe at the time he matriculated, it was the most selective college in the country--not that that's a tell-all but you get my point), was hard-working to a fault (had two Masters and always worked night jobs), was in amazing physical condition, was an amazing coach, very good rock climber who tackled the Gunks in NY which I think had 5-10's or 5-11"s he conquered for those of you who know what I'm talking about, a surfer of decent ability, great cook, and talented musician who had his own CD produced and put on I-tunes, though if I'm being honest probably doesn't mean much and wasn't my cup of tea. He had so, so much going for him. But he still took his own life.

I mention this because the signs were there. Despite all his amazing qualities, he was volatile. Though he was intense 24/7, almost no one other than myself or my parents probably saw it kicked up a few more notches into a scary side, and it was for this reason he and I didn't speak. We were probably only on speaking terms for about four out of the last 10 years. Out of my choice. Over that time, he had three different blow-ups after which I told my mother, "I don't need to be around that. I don't need that around my future children. His drama's ridiculous." It wasn't simple anger. He was complex and went through some things in his life which ultimately led to his demise. I said to my parents that he was a tortured soul who was always chasing something he couldn't find. And hell, I've thought that about him for years.

Again, the warning signs were there. I had literally said to my parents and a few other people that he'd probably take his own life or someone else's at some point. Thank God the latter didn't happen. And while I had essentially removed myself from his life, I can't help but feel some feelings of regret. Regret that I could have at least once called him or sent him an email trying to help. If I'm being honest with myself, I doubt he would have listened. But in my heart, I know I was the one he always unconditionally loved. Not my parents for childhood reasons which my brother never got over. Me.

But I did nothing about it. Others still can. Some of you may know someone who you believe needs help but like my brother doesn't want it. So what. Try. Be persistent. Be there for them full of love in your heart and try. Have others do the same. It can't hurt.

Maybe that's not totally true. Had my parents, specifically my dad really, been too persistent in trying to reach out, I think he may gone after my father. Knowing that rage was within him probably held me back from trying myself. I didn't want to be at the end of his barrel. But everyone is different. Use your best judgment, try (there are so many ways one can try) at least once to help a loved one or someone who you may not even be that close to who you feel needs a helping hand. I'm not saying to pity them. Pity is ******** and offensive and people can see it a mile away.

I don't want anyone to pity me. It is what it is. Volatile people do volatile things especially when other elements which I'd rather not divulge are involved. But do the right thing and reach out to people when you think they need the help.

Do the right thing.

I love you brother.
 
I'm sorry for your loss, it is a sad story.

But it is important that you do not allow yourself to take blame. People will make their decisions. Maybe you feel some guilt about the distance between you, but second guessing changes nothing at this stage.

The best thing, IMO, is to take comfort in the fact that he is either in a better place, or at least not here suffering.
 
I am also sorry for your loss. I do relate, I lost my brother to suicide as well several years ago. He was only 17 and I was living in Seattle and he was in Utah. I had no clue that he was sad enough to end his life. It seems a normal part of the grieving process to blame yourself on some level. I believe in time you will realize that even if you had reached out, it more than likely wouldn't have stopped him from doing this. Either way, I hope you have people you can talk to about this. It is important to lean on people when this happens because suicide complicates emotions greatly, at least it did for me.
 
I'm very sorry for you and your family.

My father killed himself five years ago. I'm not sure if I've even started to deal with it. He did it a few months before I was going to be out of the Navy and moving back home. I hadn't seen him in two years. I talked to him about a week beofre hie did it and he was acting strange, I realized later that he was trying to say goodby without letting on. That still pisses me off pretty bad. I really liked my dad. It has completely destroyed my relationship with my mother. I had always been close to her before. It sucks.
 
always worked night jobs

I am sorry for your loss. This comment caught my attention. I was just reading an article where it talks about the ill effects on night workers. I just randomly came across it and found it interesting because my mother has always worked night shifts as a nurse. Anyway it talked about how people that work night shifts have a much higher rate of cancers. But they also said that have a much higher rate of suicide. As well as saying it creates higher stress and can have harder effects on people with mental illness. Did you notice your brother getting any worse when he began working night shifts on a regular basis?

Anyway my wife's sister commited suicide many years ago. She had issues with hearing voices that made her feel she would hurt other people and thats why she decided to end her life. I know you said you thought your brother was capable of hurting others so maybe you can take comfort that your brothers life was ended before he could hurt others. I know my wife's family feels that way. They feel she was noble in a way because her efforts in curing her mind had gone unfulfilled, and she wanted to make sure she really wasnt going to hurt someone.
 
I'm sorry for your loss, it is a sad story.

But it is important that you do not allow yourself to take blame. People will make their decisions. Maybe you feel some guilt about the distance between you, but second guessing changes nothing at this stage.

The best thing, IMO, is to take comfort in the fact that he is either in a better place, or at least not here suffering.

Thank you for your kind words. I think overall, I've been pretty level-headed. Obviously, off all week, I have had time to reflect and so there's naturally been times I have felt some feelings of regret or guilt. But then I think about his ugly side and why we didn't talk and there was a damn good reason, at least on my end. Overall, like you said, nothing is going to change, and I can only hope he is finally at peace.
 
I am also sorry for your loss. I do relate, I lost my brother to suicide as well several years ago. He was only 17 and I was living in Seattle and he was in Utah. I had no clue that he was sad enough to end his life. It seems a normal part of the grieving process to blame yourself on some level. I believe in time you will realize that even if you had reached out, it more than likely wouldn't have stopped him from doing this. Either way, I hope you have people you can talk to about this. It is important to lean on people when this happens because suicide complicates emotions greatly, at least it did for me.

God, I'm so sorry rich and fully agree with you. All of my emotions are natural and in the end, I too unfortunately feel it was only a matter of time. Tomorrow are the services and we're expecting a ton of people so that could be rough but I thankfully have a great girlfriend and some very good friends and co-workers who've been tremendous through all this.
 
I'm very sorry for you and your family.

My father killed himself five years ago. I'm not sure if I've even started to deal with it. He did it a few months before I was going to be out of the Navy and moving back home. I hadn't seen him in two years. I talked to him about a week beofre hie did it and he was acting strange, I realized later that he was trying to say goodby without letting on. That still pisses me off pretty bad. I really liked my dad. It has completely destroyed my relationship with my mother. I had always been close to her before. It sucks.

Yeah, I think I've said, "This sucks," about 20 times over the last five days. I can't imagine what you went through and continue to go through so I don't want to presume to know or even know what to say. Based on my own original sentiments, I'd say try to reach out, even if she seems distant and you're relationship's dissolved but hell, who the **** am I to say anything?
 
I am sorry for your loss. This comment caught my attention. I was just reading an article where it talks about the ill effects on night workers. I just randomly came across it and found it interesting because my mother has always worked night shifts as a nurse. Anyway it talked about how people that work night shifts have a much higher rate of cancers. But they also said that have a much higher rate of suicide. As well as saying it creates higher stress and can have harder effects on people with mental illness. Did you notice your brother getting any worse when he began working night shifts on a regular basis?

Anyway my wife's sister commited suicide many years ago. She had issues with hearing voices that made her feel she would hurt other people and thats why she decided to end her life. I know you said you thought your brother was capable of hurting others so maybe you can take comfort that your brothers life was ended before he could hurt others. I know my wife's family feels that way. They feel she was noble in a way because her efforts in curing her mind had gone unfulfilled, and she wanted to make sure she really wasnt going to hurt someone.

Um, I'm not sure if I'm understanding you fully or vice versa. My brother was a high school teacher. He had been one for about 12 years. He didn't work nights full-time though to be honest he was also very busy in his nights with either some sort of supplemental employment or other. Over the years, after school he coached (for about 10 of those years I would say), and then also waited tables, played in his band locally or in Philly, and finished up two Master's degrees. Quite frankly, I don't know how he had the energy or time for all that. I'm spent at the end of a day of teaching and need time to unwind and exhale.
 
sincere condolences. things just aren't always what they seem, and explanations really are never very satisfactory.
 
Sorry for your loss. My friend's son committed suicide a few weeks ago. He was divorced from his son's real mom, and his new wife wouldn't allow the son that committed suicide into their home. So I can only imagine the guilt my friend must feel knowing his son was at his end, but didn't feel like he could even go to his dad. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered in the end, but he will never know.
 
When people that close to you die, it is difficult and continues to be triggered by thoughts and events for decades. However, it is important for your sanity to try to focus on the good times you had together and celebrate their life. This is about your situation and not mine so i won't get into my specifics, but in time your pain will lessen a bit.
 
When people that close to you die, it is difficult and continues to be triggered by thoughts and events for decades. However, it is important for your sanity to try to focus on the good times you had together and celebrate their life. This is about your situation and not mine so i won't get into my specifics, but in time your pain will lessen a bit.

Yeah, thankfully, I don't remember the ugly or not-so-close times which were mostly what we had over the last 5-10 years. It's prior to that, my high school and college years, when we had this very close, inherent bond that I remember. I am thankful for that. A River Runs Through It was his favorite movie and I love it to a lesser degree, and the brothers close yet still distant relationship in the film reminds me of me and my brother.
 
Good post. The part that struck me was the fact that his diabetes essentially caused his depression. I wonder how many other people have unnecessarily died due to the same biology.

Woody Paige > Evolution
 
KEK, my condolences. It's sad to here stories like these. It just makes me realize how short, precious, and difficult life can be. We all have our skeletons in our closets and our demons to deal, unfortunately, for some it's just too much to handle. Keep your head up and try to think of the positives of your brother's life and all of his accomplishments. Like a previous poster stated before, he's in a better place, and if not, he's not tormented anymore.

My older brother got a divorce two years ago. He went from being a division one football player and being on top of the world to a drug addict. He got addicted to pills to the point where he was sniffing and injecting them and then got addicted big time into inhaling dust off. It was sad and after all the help my family and I offered, it never helped him. I kept thinking to myself that one day we were going to get a phone call from someone saying he was dead. He always blamed everyone, but himself for all of his demons he had on his back. One night he called me. He told me he couldn't do it anymore and he wanted to say his goodbye. He told me he was going to kill himself. I talked to him for a little while and eventually talked him into dinner and movie with me, on me. It wasn't much, but he accepted. I later did some research on suicide and to my surprise, most people who commit suicide don't talk about it or tell people. The ones who do, generally are the ones looking for help. People who commit suicide often show signs, but they are hard to follow and unpredictable. Like your brother, you may have thought that it was possible, but it's not like he told you. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. My brother has since cleaned up thanks to his AA meetings and friends.

Your post was strong and I could feel your love for your brother. KEK, you're a good guy. You're in my prayers. Be strong.
 
Back
Top