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I owe you some rep, but the system is holding me down!
The Official Fight the boredom of off-season with humor thread.
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No worries. Ok, here a few more of the Deep Thoughts, and then I'll get back to eating lunch and working.
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is, 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another
cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did.'"
"Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call
them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so
what, can't we all be brothers?"
"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I
guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there,
rocking back and forth, wanting that money."
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It's time for more Deep Thoughts.
"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when
you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a
hand?' You can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to
take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He
cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a
pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland,
but it was getting pretty late."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic"
"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when
you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a
hand?' You can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'"
"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to
take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He
cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a
pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland,
but it was getting pretty late."
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic"
Here are some lawyer jokes in honor of sirkicky:
What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
___
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
___
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
___
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
___
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
___
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
___
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people were spitting on the wrong side.
___
And finally...
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.
"What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman."
Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
___
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
___
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
___
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
___
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
___
What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
___
Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps?
Because people were spitting on the wrong side.
___
And finally...
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.
"What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman."
Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
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lol... these are great.
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I just realized I am less than a month away from being in class again... I figured I would bust out some philosophy jokes.
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addictionary
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OK fellas, Favors returned the hi-tech camera he bought back to the store. Did you see this? Have you heard about this? The shopkeeper said he complained about the smile-detection feature.
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lol... I've never seen the blind side, but the spoof is funny!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo4-hc1bp30&feature=related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo4-hc1bp30&feature=related
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funny commercial from Germany
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5xu35bAxA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5xu35bAxA
D
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This was seriously hilarious. I went to a German Bilingual school from Kingergarten-the tenth grade. Nearly every German-born kid speaks English like that, without fail. Hearing them sing "Happy-Birthday" in English is always a treat
"Hepy Birssday to you"
This was seriously hilarious. I went to a German Bilingual school from Kingergarten-the tenth grade. Nearly every German-born kid speaks English like that, without fail. Hearing them sing "Happy-Birthday" in English is always a treat
I served my LDS mission in Germany. For the most part the people spoke pretty good English, but yes, they sure had problems with the "th" sound. I remember one guy in particular that was telling me how much he loved English because instead of having ~10 different articles for nouns, we only had one: "zhuh". It took me a couple of times of having him repeat the word before I realized he thought he was saying "the".