What's new
By:

Wife cheated on me... again

Gameface said:
I've kind of wanted to say that in this thread I'm 100% biased in favor of the male POV. I'm a man and I've mostly heard about divorce from other men. So my sympathy has to do mostly with what men have gone through. I haven't had the same conversations with women. I haven't ever known a woman who had to send the majority of her earned post tax income to support her ex and his new lady, leaving her living at a standard well below what she had before the divorce while the ex enjoys the standard of living he always had, but I see that frequently with men.

I think men should have to pay some child support if they don't have primary custody, but I think the woman should have to show receipts demonstrating that the money is being paid directly for the children's expenses. And I think the standard of living of both the man and the woman should factor into how much is paid. If a guy making over 50K/year lives like someone below the poverty line, something is wrong. He shouldn't have to pay so that while his kids are at mom's they have all the comforts and while they're with him they have to eat ramen noodles and share a sleeping bag on the floor.

I think the father should have the option to offset his child support payments by purchasing things for the kids, dollar for dollar. So that if the guy wants to he can pay ZERO in child support if he can show that he spent the equivalent on things his kids need.
Click to expand...
If only judges, lawyers, and law makers could pull their heads out of their asses. I don't expect it to happen to me, but if I get divorced, I'm screwed. Soon to be six kids, wife hasn't worked since my oldest was about two. I would literally be forced to live in my parents basement while 110% of my paycheck went to someone else. My only saving grace might be that I'm now self-employed. I could find ways to hide some income/purchases.
 
Gameface said:
I've kind of wanted to say that in this thread I'm 100% biased in favor of the male POV. I'm a man and I've mostly heard about divorce from other men. So my sympathy has to do mostly with what men have gone through. I haven't had the same conversations with women. I haven't ever known a woman who had to send the majority of her earned post tax income to support her ex and his new lady, leaving her living at a standard well below what she had before the divorce while the ex enjoys the standard of living he always had, but I see that frequently with men.

I think men should have to pay some child support if they don't have primary custody, but I think the woman should have to show receipts demonstrating that the money is being paid directly for the children's expenses. And I think the standard of living of both the man and the woman should factor into how much is paid. If a guy making over 50K/year lives like someone below the poverty line, something is wrong. He shouldn't have to pay so that while his kids are at mom's they have all the comforts and while they're with him they have to eat ramen noodles and share a sleeping bag on the floor.

I think the father should have the option to offset his child support payments by purchasing things for the kids, dollar for dollar. So that if the guy wants to he can pay ZERO in child support if he can show that he spent the equivalent on things his kids need.
Click to expand...
Amen, Brotha! I don't think most people realize what a terrible position many fathers get put in. I'm hesitant to share specifics in this format, but I think this information needs to get out. I believe that it's critically important for people to understand, and I'm aware of some innovative solutions that need to be considered. You also proposed some changes in your post that would feel like a godsend. Currently none of that stuff would fly with the courts,though. I have some ideas about how to introduce these ideas to the public but don't want to harm my relationship with my children in the process. It's a real balancing act.
 
That's why men need to NOT move out, KEEP the kids (she leaves alone) and get a lawyer. A good one. It's your only hope.

And don't listen to bishops, home teachers, neighbors, etc. They are idiots.
 
bigb said:
If only judges, lawyers, and law makers could pull their heads out of their asses. I don't expect it to happen to me, but if I get divorced, I'm screwed. Soon to be six kids, wife hasn't worked since my oldest was about two. I would literally be forced to live in my parents basement while 110% of my paycheck went to someone else. My only saving grace might be that I'm now self-employed. I could find ways to hide some income/purchases.
Click to expand...

You think self employed, when she owns half your company...

I avoided this potential very early in my relationship. I showed my wife an ad for a sheep herder position. The farmer would provide a trailer, a horse, and a little food, and pay you $800 a month to live out on the west desert in the winter and on the mountain in the summer. I told her if things didn't work out between us I would be a sheep herder for the rest of my life, and she could take whatever she wanted out that $800. She looked at the ad, then at me and said "i know you would do it."

Watched my dad live in court ordered hell, that amounted to indentured service to my mother and this after she took everything else in his life he had worked for. My dad has paid alimony almost longer than he was married. I won't do it, I'd give up all my stuff, I'd weep for my kids but she would never take my freedom.
 
Tony said:
Maybe you should have had the balls to leave her the first time.
Click to expand...

I don't think it has anything to do with having the balls. I think most people, men and women, want to make their marriage work. Most people understand that there will be difficulties and issues along the way. Most people want to give their spouse a second chance.

I think people who abandon their marriage at the first sign of trouble have a lot less "balls" than someone who tries to work through it, especially when there are kids involved.

Not only that but getting a divorce can be financially devastating, and as mentioned many times in this thread, men often come out the losers in that regard.

Also, if you remain married you have a lot more control over what happens with your kids. If you get divorced and don't have primary custody your ex can expose your kids to all her new male friends and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.
 
mellow said:
You think self employed, when she owns half your company...
Click to expand...
The company is technically still my dad's. I just run it all now. She would have no legal claim to it.
mellow said:
I avoided this potential very early in my relationship. I showed my wife an ad for a sheep herder position. The farmer would provide a trailer, a horse, and a little food, and pay you $800 a month to live out on the west desert in the winter and on the mountain in the summer. I told her if things didn't work out between us I would be a sheep herder for the rest of my life, and she could take whatever she wanted out that $800. She looked at the ad, then at me and said "i know you would do it."

Watched my dad live in court ordered hell, that amounted to indentured service to my mother and this after she took everything else in his life he had worked for. My dad has paid alimony almost longer than he was married. I won't do it, I'd give up all my stuff, I'd weep for my kids but she would never take my freedom.
Click to expand...

Hell of a plan.
 
mellow said:
You think self employed, when she owns half your company...

I avoided this potential very early in my relationship. I showed my wife an ad for a sheep herder position. The farmer would provide a trailer, a horse, and a little food, and pay you $800 a month to live out on the west desert in the winter and on the mountain in the summer. I told her if things didn't work out between us I would be a sheep herder for the rest of my life, and she could take whatever she wanted out that $800. She looked at the ad, then at me and said "i know you would do it."

Watched my dad live in court ordered hell, that amounted to indentured service to my mother and this after she took everything else in his life he had worked for. My dad has paid alimony almost longer than he was married. I won't do it, I'd give up all my stuff, I'd weep for my kids but she would never take my freedom.
Click to expand...

Your a genius, but at the same time, if my kids were struggling I don't know that I could go through with that.


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz mobile app
 
What's crazy about all this guys is my uncle makes 350,000 dollars a year and was married to my aunt for 21 years and they have 4 kids, youngest is 18, and he is walking away after cheating on her, only having to pay my aunt 15% of his income for 1 year. While in California my stepdad makes 120,000 a year and has to pay half in Alimony and then has to give his ex wife a third of his retirement.


Sent from my iPhone using JazzFanz mobile app
 
Cheating is a sign of struggle. IT'S CHEATING! CONSTANT bickering and argument would be a sign of struggle. Lack of interest would be a sign of struggle. I'm not the one that's clueless if you all think cheating is a sign of struggle.
Ever hear the saying once a cheater always a cheater? It's not too far off the mark.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page
Back
Top