She cheated on him 20 times. Why would u advise this?
I say it because of my own experience. My wife cheated on me. It became obvious that the marriage could not be saved. So we talked things through and agreed about how to divide things. Then she said she wanted to have a lawyer look at it. She did. He called me and offered to represent me too. No way was I taking that deal, so I got a lawyer of my own.
My lawyer looked things over, talked with her lawyer, and the told me, this is going to be easy. You'll be divorced within a couple of weeks. Her lawyer advised her to quit communicating with me in person. We started talking through only text and email. Misunderstandings ensued, just like they often do on this site, because communicating only through pixels leaves a lot to be desired. Then either she or her lawyer (I do not know who because I was no longer communicating with my wife since we'd hired these high priced people to come into the middle of things) started drastically modifying the agreement we had previously come to. Then my lawyer pushed back on them, then vice-versa and on and on. Every time anything happened we both got a bill. One day my lawyer received notification that her lawyer was removing himself from the case. I can guess why, but since I can't prove it I won't say. She brought a new lawyer into the picture.
Either she became really sleazy or this new guy did it for her, but either way some terrible things began to happen. I'm not going to post them here. The relevant part is that my relationship with the mother of my children was permanently destroyed. My children's lives would be better if that had not happened. And since my kids are pretty young I'm going to have to be dealing with this situation for years (and obviously beyond because both of us are going to want to be a part of our children's lives for the rest of our lives). So after more than a year of paying lawyers to communicate for us our divorce was finally settled. My deal was worse than the one we had come to together and hers was too. The lawyers got the difference.
But looking back on things, I don't care about the money. I care about the fact that every member of my family went through such a hellish experience. My mom died in the midst of it. The stress was unreal (not just for me, but for my kids and the people who cared about me). I assume, based on much evidence, that it was also unpleasant on my ex's side of things, but maybe she simply became Satan incarnate and she enjoyed the experience. How would I know for sure? We no longer communicate other than rare, brief texts. I have as little to do with her as I can, and my kids get to be in the middle.
Now it might be true that all of this was going to play out in the same way no matter what, but I'm telling you from my heart that I sincerely believe if we had succeeded at leaving the lawyers out of it everyone involved (other than the lawyers)would be better off today. And like I say, since my divorce I've met a few people who figured things out without lawyers. They've told me about their experiences. I'd trade places in a heartbeat.
