I liked the first one best. Boss's wife, email, job loss .. good stuff.
Post Moronic Things You've Done to Make Me Feel Better About What I Did
- Thread starter Archie Moses
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I liked the first one best. Boss's wife, email, job loss .. good stuff.
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
Just remembered another doozy. I'm quite the character. Or was anyway. Post-college before I applied for jobs that I went to school for, I bounced around a bunch of jobs. At one point, I applied at a car dealership to be a sales guy. Mostly because I'm handsome and smooth as all hell, but also because I needed any freakin' steady check I could get at that point. I mean, I wasn't totally desperate but I was getting there. So after getting the job (was there any doubt?), I started. The first day, I watched some videos and ****, read some pamphlets, and so forth. The next day, I come in. It was 8am (9am?) and I went up to my boss (big fat Italian guy), and he wasn't too happy that I wasn't wearing a tie. In fact, he told me to go home and get one. On my 15 minute drive, I pondered life, realized that the job was probably going to suck major pole, that I wanted to play Madden (the one with Eddie George on the cover), and that I had zero interest in returning to the job. I did however do the dealership and my boss the courtesy of letting them know. I called, got him on the phone, and the following convo took place.
Me: Hey, Tony, it's me.
Tony: What's up?
Me: Listen, I didn't wanna tell you this on the interview because I thought it would hurt my chances of getting the job but uh, I have a very serious, rare condition. It's called hemoasphixiation and unfortunately it prohibits me from wearing ties. So uh, yeah, I don't think I'm going to be able to work there.
Tony: Ah, really? Okay. Have a good one then.
So I started kicking *** in Madden (I once beat a team 130-0 on the All Madden level in five minute quarters) and around halftime, I heard a car pull into my driveway. So I got up off the floor and looked out my window, only to see Fatass walking up to my door. He rang the doorbell. I was terrified. This guy had talked about killing his brother or something the day before and I started having mafioso thoughts running through my head, so I called one of my friends at work, snuck into one of my roommate's rooms and got a baseball bat. I talked to my buddy on the phone, deciding what to do, and as we conversed, I heard a car start, peered out the window, and saw Fatass drive off.
A scary 60 seconds or so.
Me: Hey, Tony, it's me.
Tony: What's up?
Me: Listen, I didn't wanna tell you this on the interview because I thought it would hurt my chances of getting the job but uh, I have a very serious, rare condition. It's called hemoasphixiation and unfortunately it prohibits me from wearing ties. So uh, yeah, I don't think I'm going to be able to work there.
Tony: Ah, really? Okay. Have a good one then.
So I started kicking *** in Madden (I once beat a team 130-0 on the All Madden level in five minute quarters) and around halftime, I heard a car pull into my driveway. So I got up off the floor and looked out my window, only to see Fatass walking up to my door. He rang the doorbell. I was terrified. This guy had talked about killing his brother or something the day before and I started having mafioso thoughts running through my head, so I called one of my friends at work, snuck into one of my roommate's rooms and got a baseball bat. I talked to my buddy on the phone, deciding what to do, and as we conversed, I heard a car start, peered out the window, and saw Fatass drive off.
A scary 60 seconds or so.
Does Krazyeye not get the point of the thread?
Gyp Rosetti
Banned
What? You wouldn't classify these as moronic? Listen, I think they're funny as hell but there's a ton of idiocy in each of them. No shocker really, I know.
Not a crazy/stupid move on my part but it was intense to say the least.
Was down in Honduras when I was a missionary (Mormon, yes I know, shocking) when a bunch of drunk guys came out into the street to mess with the Mormons. Well I guess the lead drunk did not like the way I looked. So he pulled out a old POS pistol and pointed at my face. I am right in the middle of this crappy dirt road in a podunk village about 1 1/2 hours from the Honduran form of civilization. So I was on my own. The drunk goes off about Los Mormones y Norte Americanos (Mormons and North Americans). He threw in a plethora of swear words and ended it all by telling me that I am the anit-christ and that he was going to kill me. His buddies thought this was great sport.
All this time I am sizing him up and looking at an potential escape options/chances so I can run like hell or try and take him. I had him by 6 inchesish and probably 40 lbs. Plus he was drunk and I was sober and in full bodily control. The problem is that he is probably 8-10 feet away so my chances of getting him before he pulls the trigger are poor. Just as I am thinking that I have to act or die some pretty women walk by and all his buddies start hollering at them and trying to get their attention. That in turn drew the atention of the gun man away from me. I used that distraction to get the hell out of dodge. So yes, I was saved by *****.
Was down in Honduras when I was a missionary (Mormon, yes I know, shocking) when a bunch of drunk guys came out into the street to mess with the Mormons. Well I guess the lead drunk did not like the way I looked. So he pulled out a old POS pistol and pointed at my face. I am right in the middle of this crappy dirt road in a podunk village about 1 1/2 hours from the Honduran form of civilization. So I was on my own. The drunk goes off about Los Mormones y Norte Americanos (Mormons and North Americans). He threw in a plethora of swear words and ended it all by telling me that I am the anit-christ and that he was going to kill me. His buddies thought this was great sport.
All this time I am sizing him up and looking at an potential escape options/chances so I can run like hell or try and take him. I had him by 6 inchesish and probably 40 lbs. Plus he was drunk and I was sober and in full bodily control. The problem is that he is probably 8-10 feet away so my chances of getting him before he pulls the trigger are poor. Just as I am thinking that I have to act or die some pretty women walk by and all his buddies start hollering at them and trying to get their attention. That in turn drew the atention of the gun man away from me. I used that distraction to get the hell out of dodge. So yes, I was saved by *****.
Yes, I see the moronic side, but they all have pretty positive endings, not the tragic near death/injury/embarrassment of the others.
Why didn't you stand on their feet, punch 'm in the nuts and then pluck out their teeth, one by one?
That's Wes for you. He is so handsome and so smooth that even though he has moments that resemble something we would all consider moronic, they all end well with a good lay.
That's cool. Running is pretty neat too.