You are a sensible dude who makes sensible arguments and you are clearly open minded.
I'll only suggest to you that you may not be sensing latent racism. I say this as a white dude who missed this most of my life and probably still miss it today.
I grew up in a 99% white suburban town and most of the black people I was exposed to was on the 11:00 news from Phiadelphia where I saw a bunch of mug shots of black criminals. So while I like to think of myself as totally supporting minorities, calling out racism and racist bullies, pro BLM, pro kneeling, etc, etc, I know that deep inside there is a big part of me that will never "get it."
Some of my personal exposure of racism comes from having a best friend in Baltimore who was black, people assumed we were dating, and the bigoted comments and looks from both white and black people. And my kids are hispanic living with in a white privileged family, so we don't see the layered racist/ socioeconomic combo. I've prepared them for that day. Here is Archie Bunker racism (well meaning, not mean spirited): A teacher asks my daughter why she does not have food assistance for lunch money. I promise she was not asking the white girls that question.
I appreciate this post. You're right, I will never get it, I do believe the term racist is used far to freely. Seems like anytime anything negative happens to a minority, its labeled racist. Sometimes it is, maybe even a majority, I don't believe it is but it could be. Sometimes people are just assfaces. To everyone. Regardless of race. I do think a lot of the time its not racism, its not about race, its about class. Wealth. Poor and rich. I don't think Trump doesn't want mexicans coming into the USA because of their race or the color of their skin. But because they are generally very poor. He thinks they are drains on society. I vehemently disagree with that stance but I don't think its about race. I'm sure Trump loves wealthy mexicans and blacks and indians. I bet he thinks the world of Carlos Slim.
Waiter gave me poor service. Racism! Or maybe they are just bad at their job and they suck for everyone?
Bartender took too long to get me a beer. Racism. Same as above.
White person doesn't go out of their way to put out a statement on George Floyd. Racism! Maybe they just aren't passionate about it.
White person says, "Jeez, maybe don't destroy the livelihoods of your own communities during these protests." Racism. Pointing out the obvious truth doesn't mean its a race issue.
Now in terms of blacks calling people out for not doing what they feel they should be doing, I think that is bull **** also. It is no one elses job but your own. I'm not saying it is up to blacks only, I'm saying it is up to those that really care. This Jessica Mulroney chick for example. On Good Morning America or something like that. A black co worker publicly puts her on blast for not making a statement on BLM, or George Floyd, or whatever during her segment. She responds with something kind of bitchy and gets fired. It's not her god damned job to take up other people's causes. If she wants to great, great for her, that is awesome. If she doesn't say anything it doesn't mean she is a racist. It means maybe its not a passion of hers. Or she doesnt feel educated enough.
I don't know. It just seems like the pendulum is swinging from far right to far left (not in the political sense just a way to describe whats going on). Gone With The Wind, an extremely overrated movie by the way, taken off of HBO because it paints the south and slavery in a positive light. God dammit its a 90 year old movie. Petitions to have the Help removed from Netflix because its a white savior movie. I'm sure Greenbook, another vastly overrated movie, will get the same treatment wherever it streams if it ever gets a chance to stream.
I would just love for everyone to find some common middle ground. I completely understand the when things are so bad for a group they feel the need to push the pendulum from one extreme to another. Does anyone win when that happens? I don't think so. I think it just causes more resentment and a deeper divide.
I just really hate when people take offense to everything. Same with white people acting like they are persecuted against. Get the F outta here. No you aren't.
Just me ranting. I just hate extremes. I hate the far right, I hate the far left. The truth and logic always always always lies somewhere in the middle